DIY Christmas Eggnog

With the exception of Quark's nephew on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", egg is my favourite type of nog. Popular during the winter holiday season, eggnog originated from an early medieval British drink called posset that was made with hot milk that was curdled with wine or ale and flavoured with spices. As the popularity of the drink spread, the spirits used in the drink changed depending on the availability, which is why rum and bourbon were included in recipes popular during the American Revolutionary War. While eggnog is readily available in the dairy section of your supermarket, for the days that's it's not in season, it's easy to make the drink yourself. However, take caution as it is a food that contains raw eggs (a health risk for people with weakened immune systems or who are pregnant) and alcohol (no need to overdo it with - don't drink and drive).

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all.



Ingredients:

6 large eggs
950 mL whole milk
60 g sugar
5 mL vanilla extract
dash of ground nutmeg 

1. Wash and check your egg for any cracks or blemishes - if it seems suspect, throw it away, and find a better egg. Crack the eggs into a medium saucepan. Beat with the sugar until the colour of the egg lightens.
2. Add half of the milk and cook over low heat while stirring constantly. When the mixture (now basically a simple custard) starts to thicken up a bit and is able to coat the back of a spoon, remove from the heat.
3. Allow the mixture to sit for about 5 minutes. The mixture should be around 71.1°C and the resting period will help give time to kill off a lot of the unwanted bacteria (but not all because of the relatively low heat and short waiting time, five minutes isn't long enough for the temperature to drop low enough for the bacteria to find the conditions favorable for reproduction).
4. Add the remaining milk to the mixture and stir in the vanilla extract and nutmeg. Chill in the refrigerator for at least four hours. Serve cold within 24 hours. 

Random Thoughts about the 'à la carte' Food Literacy Project

"À la carte" is a series of food literacy events the Ottawa Public Library hosts as part of an effort to increase awareness about the food we eat. Recent events featured a demonstration of the popular InstantPot multicooker, and how-to-make seminar about kombucha, a drink loved by health-conscious hipsters. I recently went to these presentations, here's how things went down.

Instant Pot

• As soon as I mentioned I was considering getting an InstantPot, people were jumping out of the woodwork raving about how much they love theirs; it's like the vibrator of kitchen appliances.
• I tried to sign up for a similar demo at the Main branch in the summer, but it filled up quickly. The one I went to the one held at the Orleans branch; it makes sense to have a live kitchen appliance demo in the suburbs.
• It wasn't a packed house, I'd say about 30 people in total. I was easily the youngest man in the room by 15 years; it was an audience of mostly older women. I couldn't help notice that I was also the only minority in the audience; are non-whites just not into Instant Pot cooking? 
• The live demo was hosted by Daniel Shumski, author of the book "How To InstantPot". Copies of the book were available for sale, with Shumski adding to his book's value by describing it as an InstantPot manual with better recipes.
• I may have been the only person in the audience that didn't already own an InstantPot.
• During the demo, he mentioned how his book teaches people to use their InstantPot more like the pressure cooker it is, and not as something you throw ingredients into, press a button on the front of it, and wait to start eating. Most of those cooking settings are just set to cook at high pressure for varies lengths of time.
• From the stories I heard from the audience, those old stove top pressure cookers sent a lot of peoples' dinner airborne.
• The Instant Pot isn't as "instant" as you'd think.  If you add the time the device builds up pressure on top of the cooking time for whatever you put in it, you're looking at anywhere from 15-30 minutes.
• I was hoping one of the uses for the Instant Pot would be as a pressure fryer, so I asked about as substituting oil for water and frying up a batch of chicken like Colonel Sanders did. I was told that would NOT be a good idea, and to use only small amounts of oil in the Instant Pot on the "sauté" setting as directed in the instructions.
• Shumski cooked some butternut squash from a recipe from his cookbook, but no one sampled it because no one brought any plates or utensils. For what it's worth, it looked and smelled pretty good.

Kombucha Workshop

• For those unaware, kombucha is a fermented, slightly alcoholic, lightly sweetened tea drink. Contrary to what I thought, it's something people have been drinking since 221 BC for centuries and not something that became popular this decade.
• This demo was held at the Rosemount library. Hintonburg has changed a lot since the days I used to tag along with my dad when he went for a haircut in the area, seems only the library and the Giant Tiger down the street are still around from back in the day. Gentrification, you got to love it.
• The owner/brewer at Culture Kombucha, Wentsi Yeung, was the host. While I wasn't the only minority in the audience of 15, I was the only man present.  Single men, take note - ladies love kombucha.
• Hearing that they used beets grown by the kids at a local Parkdale school was both commendable and adorable.
• Holding the workshop in the same room the book return slot empties into was a mistake, the presentation was interrupted every couple of minutes by the flap of the slot, and the thud of books falling in a bin.
• Looking at the ease Yeung mixed a quick batch of kombucha, I was looking forward to seeing how she would incorporate the scoby, it was a bit of a letdown to see it was as simple as dropping it into a Mason jar; I expected more from a symbiotic culture of yeast and bacteria.
• I'm guessing the probiotics, enzymes, and nutrients that kombucha is known for are lost in the cocktail recipes I saw in edible Ottawa, but I can see how kombucha would be a better mixer than soda.
• Biggest takeaway from the evening: if you think your batch of kombucha has mold, assume it is mold, and throw it away. Why take the chance...
• The DIY kit we received at the end of the demonstration is resting in my fridge while I gather up my ingredients. I'll let you know how that experiment turns out in a future entry - stay tuned. 

OVERALL IMPRESSION: If you want to get out of your house and learn about food from a source other than Netflix, check out what's being offered at the Ottawa Public Library. You'll be surprised at what's being offered, and if worse comes to worst, you might find something more to your liking on the bookshelves.

Chicken Tetrazzini - The Most Seductive of Pasta Dishes

Before he became famous for being a smartass college student on "Community", Joel McHale was sharpening his quick wit on "The Soup", a now-canceled show on the E! television channel that recapped the week's major popular culture and television moments in a sarcastic and satirical way. A segment about cheating couples from an episode of "Maury" appeared on the show featuring an irate woman who claimed that her boyfriend was "cheating on her because his mistress made good chicken tetrazzini".

The clip became so popular that it became a running gag on future "Soup" episodes, where any question that required food for an answer, Alycia would appear with her reply. I knew I had to try chicken tetrazzini if only for how certain this scorned woman was that it was the reason for her woes. Was it the way the chicken was seasoned?  Was it the pasta? Was it a secret ingredient? I assumed the "Maury" producers wouldn't have the exact version of the recipe capable of causing infidelity, so I tore one out of a magazine I had laying around. I haven't been looking to stray from my wife so I haven't made use of this pasta's alleged seductive qualities, but I have made this dish for her, and I'm still happily married, so who knows? As today is Joel McHale's birthday, I felt sharing this recipe would be an appropriate way to honour the man who made me aware of this dish's seductive existence. If you're looking for a new lunch or dinner option, this pasta dish is easy to make, and a great way to use up any leftover chicken in the fridge. Whether it causes problems in your love life is debatable, but just in case, "Maury" knows of a reliable paternity test.

Ingredients:

2 cans condensed low fat cream of chicken soup
310 mL milk
375 g roasted chicken, shredded
225 g fresh spinach, loosely packed
225 g hot cooked penne (or about 1/3 of 900 g package)
170 g mushrooms, sliced thin
50 g parmesan cheese, grated
25 g bread crumbs
25 g mozzarella, grated
5 g garlic powder
5 g onion powder
5 g Italian seasoning

1. Preheat oven to 190°C. Combine all ingredients except bread crumbs and mozzarella in a large bowl and mix well. Transfer to a 3 L casserole dish.
2. In another bowl, mix bread crumbs and mozzarella and sprinkle evenly over the mixture in the casserole dish. Transfer to the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until the casserole is bubbling and the topping is browned.
3. Let the casserole cool for 5 minutes before serving.

Sin City Breakfast Tacos

"Remember - not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck."
Robert Rodriguez

With Remembrance Day behind us, it is time to turn our attention to the hype and hysteria that is the Christmas shopping season. For the comic book or pop culture fan on your gift list, consider the holiday edition of Ottawa Comiccom as a one-stop shopping spot. And what better way to fuel up for your shopping trip than to eat food that fueled director Robert Rodriguez and the actors of one the best comic book movies ever made, "Sin City". As mentioned in the DVD extras, Rodriguez would whip up a batch of these tacos in between takes and editing sessions. They work as a great breakfast or as a snack while reading graphic novels or watching your favourite comic book come to life on the screen.

Ingredients: TORTILLAS (Note: You can use store-bought flour tortillas, but Rodriguez recommends against it, as he considers them "garbage".)
475 g unbleached white flour
175 mL warm water
60 g butter, softened to room temperature or 30 g butter and 30 g lard
2.5 g salt
2.5 g baking powder
bacon drippings (optional)

Ingredients: TACOS OR MIGAS FILLING
5-6 eggs, lightly beaten
2 corn tortillas, cut up into strips slices
1 large potato, peeled and diced small
1 large tomato, diced
1 medium white onion, peeled and diced
1 green jalapeno, minced
corn oil, for frying
butter, for frying
salt and pepper, to taste

1. In a large mixing bowl combine the flour, salt, and baking powder. Mix in the butter (or butter and lard) using a pastry blender or by hand until everything is incorporated and coarse, like wet sand. Add 3/4 of the warm water and using your hands or a fork, form the mixture into a dough that's not too sticky and not too dry. If it's too sticky, add more flour; if it's too dry, add more water.
2. Knead the dough on a floured surface for a few minutes until it's no longer sticky; the dough should feel smooth, elastic and not dry. Divide the dough up into 8-10 golfball-sized balls and arrange them on a baking sheet. Lightly dampen a tea towel with warm water, cover the dough and let it rest for 20 minutes while you make the taco filling.
3. Heat up about 30 mL of corn oil in a non-stick pan on medium heat and fry the potatoes until they're soft but not crispy. Season the potatoes with salt and pepper to taste, then transfer them to a paper towel-lined plate. In the same pan, heat up another 30 mL of corn oil and fry the tomato, onion, and jalapeno until the onion begins to soften. Remove everything from the pan, set the food aside and keep everything warm.
4. In the same pan, heat up some more oil (30 mL) and fry up the corn tortilla strips until they're crispy. Set the tortilla strips aside on a paper towel-lined plate and let them drain. Using the same pan, heat up about 30 g of butter and lightly scramble the eggs. Combine the tomato mixture, corn tortillas strips and eggs on a platter. Set aside and keep warm.
5. Using a combination of your hands and a rolling pin, shape the flour tortillas into thin round circles about 15 cm in diameter (now would be the time to use a tortilla press if you have one handy). Heat up a cast-iron skillet on medium heat (if you have some, you can add a small amount of bacon drippings to the skillet to cook the tortillas). Cook the tortillas until bubbles form and brown specks appear, about 1 minute. Turn over and cook the other side for about another minute. Continue cooking all the flour tortillas in the same manner. Keep tortillas warm, stacking them one on top of the other until ready to serve. Do not allow to dry out - use a dampened tea towel or a tortilla warmer if you have one to keep the tortillas pliable.
6. To serve, divide the potato/egg mixture onto the flour tortillas. Fold in half and eat.

From the Shelf: Pumpkin Soup

You're going to be buying a pumpkin for Halloween anyway, why not buy one to make something good to eat? Discovered when I was going through the collections of cookbooks I own, this recipe from "The Black Family Reunion Cookbook" will be perfect for these chilly nights, and is a good way to recycle your gourd before it heads to the green bin.

Ingredients:

1.4-1.9 L chicken consommé (refrigerate before using and skim off the fat)
910 g fresh pumpkin, peeled and cut up
230-455 g smoked meat of your choice (suggestions include pork, neckbones, turkey); can be left out entirely if the soup needs to be vegetarian
100 g small size dried pasta (shells or elbow macaroni)
100 g shredded cabbage
40 g green beans, cut up (or other vegertables of your choice)
15 g chopped fresh parsley
3 carrots, thinly sliced
2-3 celery stalks
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large onion, diced

1. Cook the meat and the consommé in a large stockpot for 30 minutes (the consommé may be diluted with water.) Remove the meat and set aside.
2. Add the pumpkin, celery, onion, garlic, and parsley to the pot. Cook for 30 to 40 minutes until the pumpkin is done. Remove from heat and let cool.
3. Pour the contents of the stockpot in a blender and purée. Pour the purée back into the pot adding more consommé if the mixture is too thick.
4. Bring the soup to a boil. Add the carrots, green beans (or whatever vegetable you're using), and pasta. Cook until the pasta is tender.
5. If you are using meat in the recipe, slice or cut it up, and add it back to the soup. Add the cabbage, and cook for 10 minutes or until the cabbage is done but still crunchy.
   
   Serves 12. Store in covered airtight containers, and refrigerate any extra vegetable soup promptly. Properly stored, the soup will last for 3 to 4 days. Freeze it in covered airtight containers or heavy-duty freezer bags. Properly stored, it will maintain its best quality for about 4 to 6 months but will remain safe beyond that time.

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"The Black Family Reunion Cookbook" from the National Council of Negro Women contains more than 250 recipe from home kitchens, and highlights the values, traditions, and strengths of the Black family.

The MagicalButter machine - Review of a herbal butter making device

While Canada has legalized marijuana, edibles containing marijuana are still prohibited and are not legally available for sale. For those unwilling to wait until the government revisits the issue of edibles in 2019, there is a fast and easy way to make your own edibles so you can ingest marijuana without having to smoke it. The MagicalButter machine is specifically designed for "infusing the essence" of your cannabis (or any other medicinal herb) into butter and oil, among other things, all while being small enough to fit on your kitchen counter. Made of stainless steel and fully automatic, it "...grinds, heats, stirs, and steeps..." the weed into a consistent infusion every time you use it and the recipes that come with the device. It also makes tinctures, is great for infusing alcohols with flavours for faster Limoncellos, and can be used to make skin care products, such as lotions and face creams. I know a guy who knows a gal who sleeps with a guy who has one, and he swears by the thing, saying it's as simple as putting the ingredients in, setting the temperature and time, and letting the machine do its thing. Whatever magical morsels you make is up to you, but please be aware of the health effects of cannabis - start out small, then wait at least 60-90 minutes to see if you're feeling the way you want to feel.

NOTE: I have not been paid by the makes of MagicalButter to produce this blog entry, but if MB World Headquarters wants to send something my way because of this, I won't object.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Roasted Vegetables

Adding vegetables to a meal is a great way to increase your fibre, nutrient and antioxidant intake. But one of the problems that vegetables have always had is that some methods of preparing them (I'm looking at you boiling...) turn vegetables into flavourless mush. Roasting vegetables allows you to keep the vegetables crisp, and, thanks to the Maillard reaction, is an easy way to bring out their flavour. So head to the produce section, and make the recipe below when you're feeling like a vegetarian meal, or when you need a side dish for any roast meats you want to serve.

Ingredients:
3 potatoes, cubed
2 bell peppers, seeded and diced
2 zucchini, sliced in 2 cm pieces
1 small butternut squash, cubed
1 small bag of baby carrots
1 sweet potato, peeled and cubed
1 red onion, quartered
150 g mushrooms, ends of stems cut off, chopped if desired
35 g fresh rosemary, chopped (8 g, dried)
15 g fresh thyme, chopped (4 g, dried)
12 g garlic, minced
60 mL olive oil
30 mL fish sauce (vegans can swap this out for balsamic vinegar)
salt
pepper
cornstarch

1. Preheat oven to 245 °C.
2. In a large bowl, combine the vegetables, separating the red onion quarters into pieces, and then adding them to the mixture.
3. In another bowl, mix the thyme, rosemary, olive oil, fish sauce, salt, and pepper together. Pour the mixture into the bowl with the vegetables, and then mix everything until all the vegetables are coated. Sprinkle enough of the cornstarch on the vegetables so that they get a thin, even coating on them. 
4. Spread evenly on a large roasting pan. Roast for 35 to 40 minutes in the preheated oven, stirring every 10 minutes, or until vegetables are cooked through and browned.

Review: "Eat What You Watch"

If there's one thing foodies love as much as food, it's movies involving food. You may not live the life of the character or the actor on the screen, but you can always relate to the food involved in the story. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement and anticipation in "Big Night"; who hasn't thought about slicing garlic with a razor blade after watching "Goodfellas"; and you can't but smile to yourself when in a deli eating pastrami after seeing "When Harry Met Sally...?. For those who want to further enjoy the food they see on the screen, I suggest the following cookbook for movie lovers, "Eat What You Watch", by Andrew Rea of "Binging with Babish" fame. In it, you will find over 40 recipes from films ranging from Charlie Chaplin's "The Gold Rush" to the award-winning "Moonlight", and everything else in between. One of my favourite recipes in the book is this unauthorized take on the Big Kahuna burger from one of my favourite movies, "Pulp Fiction". If you like burgers, give the recipe below a try sometime, you'll see why it's one tasty burger.

Ingredients:

120 g ground beef, divided into two balls
28 g butter
2 hamburger buns (Hawaiian bread rolls, if possible)
2 slices Monterey Jack cheese
2 fresh pineapple slices, about 1.25 cm thick
1 red onion, sliced into rings
vegetable oil
ketchup
teriyaki sauce

1. In a large skillet, heat half of the butter over medium heat until it's foaming. Add the onion and cook slowly over low heat, stirring often, until the onion is caramelized about 30 minutes. Transfer the onion to a bowl, and set them aside.
2. Wipe the skillet clean and heat the remaining butter over medium heat until it is sizzling. Add the pineapple slices and cook, turning once, until they are lightly browned on both sides. Transfer the pineapple to a plate, and set them aside.
3. Using a cast-iron skillet, heat some of the vegetable oil over high heat until it just begins to smoke. Place the balls of ground beef in the skillet a few centimeters from each other, then smash them into thin patties with a spatula. Cook them for about 1 to 2 minutes until the bottom is well browned and crisp, flip, and top each burger with a slice of cheese. Turn off the heat, but leave the patties in the skillet to allow the cheese to melt.
4. Toast and lightly butter the hamburger buns. Dress the bottom half of the bun with some ketchup and teriyaki sauce, add a hamburger patty, then top with a pineapple slice, some of the caramelized onions, and the other half of the bun.

Summertime Ceviche

Ever since I first tasted it at a cooking class at Urban Element I've been a fan of ceviche. It's the perfect dish for these steamy summer days when you don't want to add more heat to your home by turning on an oven. Ceviche is made using acids (citrus juices) that cause the proteins in the seafood used in the recipe to change on a molecular level similar to the change that occurs when the proteins are cooked. I like to use the recipe in my favourite cookbook, "Cooking For Geeks", with the addition of an element I learned at the Urban Element; I also like to listen to listen to Action Bronson's "Ceviche" while making this, but that's strictly optional.

Ingredients:

500 g bay scallops, rinsed and patted dry
130 g lime juice
60 g lemon juice
15 g ketchup
7 g garlic, chopped on run through a garlic press
18 mL olive oil
4 mL balsamic vinegar
1 small red onion (70 g ), sliced as thinly as possible
1 shallot bulb, sliced as thinly as possible
1 plantain
canola oil

1. Mix everything but the scallops, plantain and the canola oil in a bowl. Add the scallops to the bowl and make sure everything gets covered by the marinade. Cover the bowl securely and store it in the fridge. Mix everything up again in two hours, then allow it to sit overnight to allow the acids to do there thing.
2. Before you're ready to serve the ceviche, preheat 3 cm of canola oil to 190 C in a large skillet over medium-high heat (or plug in your deep fryer if you have one). Cut the ends from the unpeeled plantain, then halve it crosswise. Peel the plantain then cut it lengthwise into very thin slices (use a mandolin if you have it). Fry the strips in batches, turning frequently, until they are golden. Drain on paper towels, and season immediately with kosher salt.
3. Take out the ceviche from the fridge, and plate it. Top with the fried plantain you have made.

Make Ice Cream Better With Chocolate Dip

During the heatwave we've experienced this summer, my wife and I decided to treat ourselves to some ice cream. As we ate from our bowls, we groused about how we never see ice cream trucks in our neighbourhood and reminisced about how good we had it back in the day when the Dickie Dee men used to sell frozen treats from freezer units on tricycles. It was then when Dawn mentioned that her favourite type of ice cream cone are the ones dipped in chocolate, and asked me if I knew how they get the chocolate to harden on the ice cream so quickly. I had no idea, so off I went to the interwebs. The chocolate you see people dip soft-serve ice cream in contains oils high in saturated fat. A drop in temperature causes saturated fats to harden and take on a glass-like consistency. When you emulsify coconut oil with melted chocolate, the mixture remains a stable liquid at room temperature, but as soon as you drizzle it over ice cream, it chills down fast and hardens into a tasty shell. With this knowledge, it is now easy to bring the feel of an ice cream parlour into your kitchen with the following recipe:

Ingredients:

250 g dark chocolate, 66% to 72%, finely chopped
200 g refined (not unrefined or virgin) coconut oil
125 g light (clear) corn syrup

1. Combine the chocolate, coconut oil, and corn syrup in a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on half power in short 15 second bursts, stirring with a spoon in between, 3 to 4 times, until the chocolate is completely melted. If the mixture is heated too much, the chocolate may break, forming harmless brown speckles in the sauce; to re-emulsify the sauce, blend in a blender on high speed for 30 seconds.
2. Transfer chocolate dip to a container and store at room temperature, stirring with a spoon if it separates. For best results, let the dip harden on ice cream for 30 seconds before eating.

Father's Day Spice Rub

Kid Franklin's Special BBQ rub

A spice or dry rub is a great way to get a lot of flavour onto a piece of meat. They add a nice crust to the food and work well whether the meat is grilled, roasted, broiled, or baked. On this Father's Day, I'm going to share the recipe for the all-purpose rub my son made for me at elementary school.

Ingredients:

45 g sugar
30 g brown sugar
30 g smoky paprika
30 g Kosher salt
15 g cumin
15 g chili powder
15 g black pepper
15 g onion powder
15 g garlic powder
15 g celery salt
5 g oregano

1. Mix all the ingredients well. Rub on all sides of any meat you want to eat before cooking.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Spaghetti Bolognese

When my mother would make spaghetti for me and my dad, she would always cover the noodles with a hearty meat sauce topped with cheese. I didn't know if she knew it at the time (I certainly didn't), but she was making spaghetti bolognese. She must have learned how from the Italians she and my father rented a room from when they lived in Toronto back in the late sixties. The type of sauce she made has more in common with the ragùs made in the Neapolitan region of southern Italy than the sauces of the northern Bolognese area it gets its name from; a true Bolognese sauce is generally served in Italy with tagliatelle ribbons, and not with spaghetti; purists will even say spaghetti bolognese is not an authentic Italian dish. Nevertheless, it is still a tasty pasta dish and while this version may not be as good as the version I grew up with, it's still a worthy addition to your recipe repertoire.

Ingredients:

1 can (794 g) crushed tomatoes
454 g ground beef
454 g ground veal
454 g spaghetti
60 g unsalted butter
45 g tomato paste
180 mL red wine
125 mL whole milk
30 mL olive oil
3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 small yellow onion, finely chopped
grated parmesan or cheddar cheese, to serve
kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

1. Heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan at medium-high. Add the onion and cook for about five minutes until soft, then add the garlic and cook for two minutes more.
2. Add the beef and veal and cook, stirring, and breaking the meat up using a wooden spoon until browned. Add the tomato paste and cook for two minutes, then add the red wine. Cook until reduced for about three minutes, then stir in the milk and tomatoes. Let it cook for one hour, then season with salt and pepper. Stir in the butter until it is melted, then, using a hand blender or stand blender, purée until slightly smooth but still chunky. Keep the sauce warm.
3. Bring a large saucepan of generously salted water to a boil. Add the spaghetti and cook according to the directions on the package. Drain, and add to the saucepan with the sauce, or plate the spaghetti, and spoon the sauce over it. Top with either parmesan or cheddar cheese.

Table 85: The Secret Is Out

Table 85
610 Bronson Ave (NOW CLOSED)

People like getting something they think only certain people have access to. We like having secret knowledge about things, of being "in the know". This is what's appealing about hidden restaurants, and you can't get any more concealed than Table 85. I didn't know this restaurant existed despite working only five minutes away from the place; I used to regularly park next to the building it is situated in for years.  I recently met a friend of mine for lunch there, and after we exchanged greetings, we headed into the bowels of the nondescript building to eat. As we walked down the stairs, the look on his face told me how skeptical he was that we were going to an actual restaurant. He was even more uncertain when we rounded a corner and walked into a room with some communal tables, separated by an area where the cooking was done. A TV blared on the wall across from the menu on a dry-erase board; employees from the real estate office upstairs milled in and out through the dining area to get to a meeting room off to the side.  In terms of decor, it was as basic as you can get; you would think it was a pop-up restaurant that someone forgot to shut down at the end of the night. But like those guerrilla eateries, what Table 85 lacks in ambiance, they make up for with their food. I had heard a lot of good things about the fried chicken here, but it takes more time to prepare than I had for lunch, so I went with the shrimp fried rice. My friend ordered the fire seafood noodle bowl.  Both dishes came within a reasonable amount of time, allowing my friend and I a chance to chat and catch up for a bit, but once the food arrived at our table, all conversation stopped. The smell of food was spicy and pungent, and the vegetables in our respective bowls popped with brightness. The fried rice was the best I had eaten in a long time, and the shrimp and vegetables were cooked perfectly. My friend feared he wouldn't be able to handle the heat of his choice, but the fire in his fire seafood noodle was enough to open up his sinuses while still being flavourful. With its food and its location, Table 85 defines the term hidden gem - if you're a fan of Korean cuisine, seek this place out at all costs.

Foreground, shrimp fried rice, $13.99
Background, fire seafood rice, $13.99

Carpe Diem Eating: Coffee Treat Yo' Self

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.
Capt. Janeway, "Star Trek: Voyager"

Because it's been a while since I've posted something, now is as good of a time as any for another edition of Carpe Diem Eating. This is the part of my blog where the focus is on seizing the day food-wise; making the most out of the time and the food you eat, by doing something extraordinary with food combinations that shouldn't work but do; food creations that work so well, you're amazed they haven't been done before; and food creations so extravagant and extreme that you owe it to yourself to try it.

Do you enjoy going out for a leisurely cup of coffee? Have you received a gift card for a popular coffeehouse? Are you already a member of the cult of Seattle's most famous coffee franchise and want to try something different? If you answered in the affirmative to any of those questions, try these coffee hacks the next time you need a caffeine fix:

• Save on an iced latte by ordering an iced Americano with no water, then add the milk yourself from the communal pitcher. 
• Just like a martini, a shaken iced drink makes all the difference. Request that your drink is shaken because baristas won't do it if you don't ask.
• Want a cheap version of a chai latte? Ask for a  two teabags chai tea misto, half a pump of cinnamon syrup, and half a pump of vanilla syrup, with lots of foam, then sprinkle a bit of cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla on the foam. 
• A penny saved is a penny earned, and you can save a few of those pennies by using your own cup, no matter the drink size. You are charged for every add-on to your coffee order if you go through the drive-thru, so get your extras at no cost, and save a few more of your coins by placing your order face-to-face with the barista.
• If it's available, use coconut milk for your drink, as it can double as both a sweetener and a creamer. 
• Contrary to what you see at the counter, the tall is not the smallest available cup size. A smaller cup, the short, is available if you ask for one (an extra-large cup size, the Trenta, also exists).
• Stand out from the other muggles, and order a Hot Butterbeer Latte: ask for a whole milk steamer and add some caramel syrup, toffee nut syrup and cinnamon dolce syrup (two shots each for a tall order, three shots for a grande, and four shots for venti). Complete the drink with some whipped cream and salted caramel bits on top (or creme brulee topping if you prefer), and a shot or two of espresso for some coffee flavour.
• Get the most out of your gift cards and Starbucks Rewards points, and use them at the Starbucks at the airport, where the drinks are more expensive.
• Because it's brewed very strong, Starbucks waters down your cup of tea before serving it to you; request no water with your tea if you want more flavour in your cup. If your tea is too strong, you can ask for some water in a cup if you need to water it down.
• For the ultimate pick-me-up, ask for four shots of espresso and four pumps White Chocolate Syrup in a Grande cup filled with ice and milk. For even more of a kick, order it without the milk; they don't call this drink Liquid Cocaine for nothing.

The Cast-Iron Skillet: The Original Instant Pot

If reports of malfunctioning Instant Pot multi-cookers are making you reconsider buying the appliance, you may want to consider getting a multipurpose kitchen tool that's been around for centuries.  Cast-iron cookware has remained popular in the age of non-stick pots and pans because of their versatility, and durability.  They are sturdy enough to be used in both the oven and on the stove top, and their ability to retain heat and maintain high cooking temperatures makes them a great choice for searing or frying. Cast-iron pans are also a good option for long-cooking stews or braised dishes, and a well cared for cast-iron skillet can develop a "non-stick" surface, making it a good choice for egg dishes and baking. With so many uses, you may wonder why you haven't gone the cast-iron route already.

Contrary to popular belief, taking care of a cast-iron skillet is not as daunting as you would think for something so heavy. When you get a new cast-iron skillet, you first need to season it, even if it comes per-seasoned Seasoning is the process where a layer of animal fat or vegetable oil (such as lard, shortening, or flaxseed oil) is applied and cooked onto the cookware.  To do so, you need to scrub your cookware well in hot soapy water, and then it dry it thoroughly; for obvious reasons (rust), don't let cast-iron cookware soak in water. Spread a thin layer of melted shortening, lard, or vegetable oil over the skillet, then place it upside down on the middle rack of your oven at 260°C  (you can place some aluminum foil underneath it to catch any drips). A properly seasoned cast iron gives the pan more of a non-stick surface for cooking, protects the cookware from rusting, and prevents the food from interacting with the iron of the pan. Avoid washing cast-iron cookware with detergent or metal scouring pads, as they can scratch, damage, and remove the layers of seasoning and expose the metal. The best way to deal with any stuck-on bits of food is to clean the pan by rubbing it down with kosher salt and a kitchen or paper towel while it's still warm and then wiping it down with whatever fat or oil you seasoned it with. With as many uses as it has, cooking delicate pieces of fish is not suggested for a heavy-duty cast iron. Try not to cook a lot of tomato sauce in your skillet, as the acidity can be too harsh for a cast iron pan; avoid deglazing a cast iron pan with vinegar or wine as well.  Keep in mind as well that the cast iron takes on the flavours of whatever it's cooking.

For a food as all-purpose as the vessel it can be made in, a popular choice to make in a cast-iron skillet is cornbread. This recipe works great on its own, alongside some chili, or made into stuffing, croutons,  or breadcrumbs.

Ingredients: 
450 g coarse-grind cornmeal
30 g bacon fat, lard, or unsalted butter
9 g baking soda
6 g kosher salt
1 large egg
400 mL buttermilk
45 mL tablespoons honey
15 mL tablespoon hot sauce
1 stick unsalted butter, cut into pieces, room temperature
Generous pinch of kosher salt 

1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Put a dry cast-iron skillet on a burner at low heat so it can heat up while the batter is being made. Whisk the cornmeal, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl. Make a well in the centre of the combined ingredients and add the egg and the buttermilk, then whisk vigorously, starting in the centre and working your way out, until the dry ingredients are incorporated and the batter is smooth. 
2. Increase the heat on the burner to medium-high and add the bacon fat/lard/butter to the skillet. Swirl everything around to ensure the bottom and sides of skillet are coated. Give the batter a good whisking once more, then pour it into the skillet and smooth out the top (batter will sputter around edges). Bake the cornbread in the oven until the edges are golden brown and the top is golden, cracked in places, and firm to the touch, about 25–30 minutes. 
3. While it bakes, vigorously whisk a stick of butter, the honey, the hot sauce, and a good pinch of salt in a medium bowl until everything is smooth. 
4. When the cornbread is done, allow it to cool in the skillet for at least 5 minutes before cutting into wedges. Serve with the hot honey butter you made in the bowl. 

NOTE: The cornbread can be stored tightly wrapped at room temperature; the butter can be covered and stored at room temperature as well.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: The Black and Tan

If you're planning to have a Guinness in honour of everyone's favourite Irish saint today, why not upgrade it and have a Black and Tan instead? A simple beer cocktail, it's made by layering a stout or any dark beer on top of a pale beer (traditionally a Harp lager). This is made possible because of the lower relative density of the Guinness. Please note that in Ireland this drink is referred to as a half and half, due to the association of black and tan to the British paramilitary, so if your proud Irish friends are giving you the stinkeye at some point today, it may be for calling loudly for more Black and Tans, so head's up. At any rate, always drink responsibly. Don't drink and drive.

Ingredients

1 bottle or can of your favourite pale ale or lager
1 bottle or can of Guinness or your favourite stout

1. Slowly pour half the pale beer into a tall beer glass.
2. Place a large tablespoon, dome side up, two or three centimetres or so above the beer in the glass, with the tip of the spoon pointed slightly downhill. Slowly pour half the darker beer over the tablespoon, so that it gently pours down the side of the glass in a thick trickle.
   
   Allow the drink to stand for a few moments until two distinct layers of beer form.

Grits Redemption

Bag of grits

I don't get the hype about grits. I was curious about them ever since I saw Luis and David eating bowls of them on "Sesame Street" decades ago. When I finally had the opportunity to try grits,  I was underwhelmed both times. The first time was in a greasy spoon near a youth hostel I was staying in when I was in Miami for the 2000 New Year's celebrations; the other time was ten years later at a Denny's in Las Vegas after I went to a gun range. Both times I remember the experience as being similar to eating a side order of flavourless phlegm. How can that stuff be something both foodies and chefs rave about? I must be missing something. So to satisfy my curiosity, and in honour of Black History Month, I'm willing to give grits another chance. It's time to take things into my own hands and see if I can make a better version of this soul food classic than the poor examples I've received.

As part of my grits redemption, I started by finding out what the heck exactly are grits, other than something black people apparently love to eat. Grits is corn ground into a coarse meal and then boiled, and can be used to make cereals, snacks, and beer. As beloved as they are in the American southern states, grits are hard to find in this part of the Great White North. I heard Chef LeRoy of Detroit Soul Food fame gets his grits from Herb and Spice, but were are out of stock when I went, so I got mine from Little Latin America. And while I did make something that tasted better than my first two samplings, I'm still not sure what the big deal with grits is. If you 're looking for something different for breakfast that's savoury and filling, grits are the way to go, but as a comfort food, I guess this is one that you had to grow up on to fully appreciate.

Ingredients:

145 g white grits (not instant, you're looking for something that looks similar to unpopped popcorn)
90 g cheddar, coarsely grated
75 g torn collard greens leaves (the original recipe uses Swiss chard, I made the substitution just because)
15 g tablespoons unsalted butter
7 mL Sherry vinegar or red wine vinegar
8 slices of bacon, coarsely chopped
2 large eggs, room temperature
1 Fresno or another red chile, thinly sliced into rings
1 shallot, finely chopped
Freshly ground black pepper
Kosher salt

1. Fill a medium-sized saucepan halfway with water, add a couple pinches of salt, and bring it to a boil. Whisking constantly, gradually pour in the grits. Reduce the heat to medium-low, cover the saucepan, and let the grits cook, whisking occasionally and scraping the bottom of the saucepan to prevent your grits from sticking, until they are tender, thick, and creamy,  depending on coarseness. You may need to add more water in case it all boils off.
2. Cook the bacon in a medium skillet over medium-low heat, stirring often, until it's crisp. Transfer the bacon to a small plate with a slotted spoon. Combine the chiles and the vinegar in another small bowl, and set aside.
3. Pour off some of the fat from skillet, and cook the shallots, stirring often for about three minutes, until they are softened. Add the greens in batches, letting them wilt slightly before adding more, and cook, tossing, until everything is completely wilted. Remove the greens from heat and season them with salt, pepper, and some chile-soaking vinegar.
4. Bring 750 mL of water to a gentle simmer in a medium saucepan. Crack an egg into a small bowl, then gently slide the egg into the water. Repeat with the remaining eggs, waiting about 30 seconds until whites are opaque before adding the next one. Poach the eggs for aboutthree3 minutes until the whites are set but the yolks are still runny. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the eggs to paper towels and set them aside.
5. Remove the grits from the heat and season with salt and lots of pepper. Add butter, then gradually add the cheese, whisking until everything is melted and combined; thin the mixture with a bit more water if it is too thick for your liking. Divide the grits among bowls, and top with the greens, the poached eggs, bacon, and chiles. Season the eggs with salt and pepper.

Superbowl Jambalaya

With everyone and their bookie cooking up a pot of chili for the big game on Sunday, stand out from the crowd by making the spicy dish New Orleans Saints fans comforted themselves with after their team missed their shot to go to the Superbowl this year. Native to the southern Louisiana region of the United States, jambalaya offers a mixture of rice with a blend of seasoned meat and vegetables, but with Spanish, French, and Caribbean influences. Like chili, jambalaya can be satisfying if it's made with tomatoes (Creole style) or without (Cajun style).  So for those of you who are actually interested in the game, I wish good luck to all the Eagles' fans out there, and all the bad things to happen to those who cheer for the Evil Empire from New England.*

Ingredients:

910 g boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into bite-sized pieces
455 g smoked sausage, cut into bite-sized pieces (I went with the Chorizo and caramelized onion and pepper varieties from Seed to Sausage)
15 g Old Bay seasoning
5 g dried oregano
710 mL chicken broth
15 mL canola oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 bay leaves
2 cans diced tomatoes (fire-roasted if available)
Sliced scallions (optional)
1 large white onion, chopped
1 large green bell pepper, chopped
1 cup celery, chopped

• (So prevalent are the last three ingredients in Louisiana cooking they are referred to as the holy trinity of Cajun/Creole cooking)

1. Heat the oil over medium-high heat in either a Dutch oven or a large pot. Add the chicken and the sausage, and cook, stirring constantly, for about 8 to 10 minutes or until the meat is browned on all sides. Remove everything from the pot with a slotted spoon, and place it in a bowl lined with paper towels to soak up any excess oil.
2. Add the onion, bell pepper, celery, garlic, bay leaves, Old Bay, thyme, and oregano to the pot of hot drippings and cook over medium-high heat for 5 to 7 minutes until vegetables are tender. Stir in the rice, and let it cook for about 3 minutes. 
3. Stir in the chicken broth, tomatoes, and the meats. Bring everything to a boil over high heat. Cover, reduce the heat to medium, and simmer, stirring occasionally, until rice is tender (good with however long the instruction that came with the rice says you should cook it). Garnish with sliced scallions, if desired.
   
   This recipe yields a lot, so either have a lot of hearty eaters on hand or prepare for leftovers.

Superbowl Jambalaya

^*I'm a New York Jets fan, by law, I am allowed to be this bitter about the most dominant team of a generation.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Vinaigrette

With the E.coli warning on romaine lifted, why not welcome it back into your meal rotation with the use of a vinaigrette? You'll never be without a salad dressing as long as you remember the formula of three parts of oil to one part of vinegar/something acidic. Mix that with or without seasonings, and thanks to the process of emulsion, you've got salad dressing. Try it in this recipe that's a great alternative to the regular go-to use for romaine that is the Caesar salad:

Ingredients:

180 mL olive oil
45 mL lemon juice (fresh, if possible)
10 g chopped fresh dill
5 g Dijon mustard
2.5 g teaspoon salt
1.25 g teaspoon granulated sugar
1.25 g teaspoon pepper
1 romaine lettuce
40 g shredded radicchio lettuce
40 g thinly sliced radish

1. Mix everything that isn't lettuce or radish together in one of three ways:
• in a blender on the appropriate setting
• whisked briskly in a bowl
• poured in a sealed container, and shaking the hell out of it for about 15 seconds
2. Tear the romaine lettuce into bite-size pieces. In a large bowl, toss the romaine, radicchio, and the radishes together. Add the dressing, then toss your salad to give everything a good coating, and serve.

2017: Food Thoughts and Observations

Happy 2018 everyone. Instead of making resolutions, I'm going to take this opportunity to get some bullshit off my brain about some random thoughts I've had, and some more specific ones about the year that was.

• For all the hand-wringing about the closing of Hy's and Mello's, the Ottawa food scene isn't any better or worse without them.
• Poké may be just deconstructed sushi served on rice in a bowl, but it lives up to the food hype better than the sushi burrito.
• It always pops up on best-of-Ottawa lists, but I've never known anyone who's eaten at Fritomania, and I've lived in Orleans for over 20 years.
• For a city that isn't known as a food destination, we have a lot of food festivals. Not that I'm complaining, I like a summer with several ribfests in between beer festivals.
• Having spent "An Evening with Matty Matheson", I am amazed these celebrity chefs ever had the time to cook what with all the cocaine and alcohol they consume.
• In the upcoming municipal election, a candidate could win my vote by promising to cut the noose the city put around food trucks and treats them like any other restaurant opening within city limits.
• Apparently, drinkable vinegar, snorting chocolate, and using activated charcoal as an ingredient were things in 2017 - who knew?
• The "Riverdale" promotion aside, the only reason anyone should eat at Zak's is they're too drunk or too lazy to go anywhere else.
• Grilling a thick slab of cauliflower may be tasty, but don't call it a steak.
• Nothing wrong with being socially conscious, but do people ever talk about the food at Union 613 anymore?
• If the price of having a meal at the Sky Lounge was what kept you away, fine, but don't use the excuse that it was a lack of a bathroom. Would being able to use a Port-a-Potty 45 metres up really make you feel more comfortable?
• Anyone who has ever pondered whether a hot dog is or is not a sandwich has too much time on their hands (The answer, of course, is 'who cares?').
• "Lucky Peach" was too good for this (publishing) world.
• I do not understand the devotion people have for Perkins. It's a waffle house without any of the interesting late-night clientele. 
• Never order jambalaya from an Irish pub; more specifically, don't order the jambalaya from the Audubliner Pour House. Tasting that slop was not the way to end a Franklin-family outing to see La Machine.
• I loved Jules in "Pulp Fiction", but I got to side with Vincent, bacon and pork chops taste good; not as good as pumpkin pie, but better than a sewer rat.
• I don't think anyone could have predicted the reaction “Rick and Morty” would have over McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce; some of these people lose their damn minds over this. 
• The need to turn Guy Fieri from being a culinary punchline to a celebrity chef supergenius doesn't hide that's he's a goofball with cheesy theme restaurants, and is the most annoying thing on his shows, no matter how much cooking and business acumen he has.
• Can someone explain to me why the owner of the Black Tomato made protest T-shirts for his employees to wear when he's closing the restaurant? Was it worth wasting those profits on a stupid stunt to get people to feel sorry for him?
• Who would have thought that the best way to sell something overtly sweet and colourful was to add the word "unicorn" to it?
• I wouldn't put my faith in Pepper Potts' claims about food without more scientific evidence, but I look forward to seeing her in the next "Avengers" movie.
• Atelier, the Morning Owl, Dumpling Park - if there are three better restaurants that close to one another in Ottawa, I'd like to know who and where they are.