Four Ways To Better Butter

If you plan to cook something this holiday season, at some point you're going to be using butter.  You will be either using it in baking, frying something in it, coating something with it, or spreading it directly onto something you want to eat. Butter on its own is great, but there are ways to get even more out of one of the most versatile cooking fats.

Honey butter is exactly what it sounds like - honey blended into butter. Simple to make, it's great on toast, English muffins, pancakes, waffles, and cornbread.

Ingredients

2 sticks of unsalted butter, room temperature (the better the butter, the better the product)
150 g honey
3 g salt

1. Get the butter you plan to use to room temperature by taking it out of the refrigerator for about 30 minutes. 
2. Put the ingredients in a large bowl and beat with a rubber spatula until it's slightly whipped or mix everything up in a mixer with a paddle attachment.

Store in a food-safe container in the refrigerator.

Brown butter (also known as buerre noisette) is melted butter that gains a nutty flavour after gently cooking it. It works great as a sauce or as a melted butter substitute in both sweet and savory dishes.

Ingredients

1 stick of unsalted butter, room temperature

1. Cut the butter into pieces so it cooks evenly and put the pieces in a pot with light-coloring on the inside. 
2. Turn the stove heat to medium heat to ensure the butter cooks evenly. Stir the butter to move it around as it melts. The butter will begin to foam and sizzle around the edges once melted. Continue stirring. In about 5–8 minutes, the butter will turn golden brown. The foam will slightly subside and the milk solids on the bottom of the pan will toast. You're on the right track if there's a strong buttery, nutty aroma in the air.
3. You don't want the butter to burn, so keep your eye on the stove - do not walk away, and do not stop stirring.  Once some of the foam begins to dissolve and you notice specks on the bottom of the pan have browned, remove the pan from heat immediately and pour the butter into a heatproof bowl to stop the cooking process. The brown specks are toasted milk solids, where most of the brown butter's flavour comes from, so scrape those out of the pan along with the liquid butter.

The butter will solidify as it comes back to room temperature. Once it has solidified, store the browned butter in a tightly covered food-safe container in the refrigerator for 5 days. Wrap in plastic wrap and then a layer of foil and store in the freezer for up to 3 months.

Butter is an emulsion of fat and water. Clarified butter is what you get when you remove everything from the butter that isn't fat. It can be used for frying and sautéing, cooking eggs or steak, and makes a superior hollandaise sauce.

Ingredients

4 sticks of unsalted butter, room temperature

1. Cut the sticks of butter into quarters and place the pieces in a suitable-sized microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on high for 2 minutes.
2. Remove the bowl from the microwave and let it stand for 1 minute. Spoon off the foamy top layer, then spoon or strain the clarified butter through either cheesecloth or a coffee filter into a small food-safe container. Any milky liquid left over at the bottom of the bowl can be thrown away.

Ghee, popular in Indian recipes, is clarified butter cooked even further.

Ingredients

454 g butter, room temperature

1. Cut the butter into pieces and place in a light-coloured pot on low heat. Melt the butter and bring to a simmer. When the butter starts to foam, skim the foam off the top with a spoon.
2. Continue cooking the ghee on low for another 20-25 minutes, or until the middle layer is translucent and you can smell the nutty aroma. Turn off the heat when done, and let it cool down for a few minutes. Strain the ghee through cheesecloth or a coffee filter into a food-safe container. 

Both ghee and clarified butter can be stored at room temperature in a cupboard (away from direct light) for a few months. If you plan to keep it longer, store it in the refrigerator where it will last about a year.

I Ate This So You Won't Have To: The World's Hottest Gummy Bear

Knowing how I like spicy foods, a friend brought me a souvenir from a vacation he took with his family. Lil' Nitro claims to be the world's hottest gummy bear, with boasts of it being "900 times hotter than a jalapeno pepper". With the memory of a teenager dying from eating a tortilla chip dusted with two of the hottest peppers in the world still fresh in my mind, I'm going to eat this searing sweet. Can I go a full five minutes without seeking relief to complete the Lil’ Nitro Challenge? Let's go to the footage:

Memories of Dominica

Recently I had the chance to visit the island of Dominica. For those who aren't good at geography, I'm talking about the tropical island near Barbados known for its rainforests, mountains, and black-sand beaches, and not the island near Cuba known for producing cigars, bananas, and major league baseball players. While on the "Nature Island of the Caribbean", I was introduced to breadfruit. Found mainly in tropical regions, breadfruit grows on trees and gets its name from having a texture similar to baked bread when cooked. Breadfruit when dried can be ground into flour, is rarely eaten raw because of its high starch content, and can be cooked the same way you would cook a potato. If you're in the mood for a savoury casserole, consider the recipe below.  Who knows, maybe you'll like it enough to take a trip to the tropics and chop down a breadfruit to eat as I did.

This blog is dedicated to Peroma Xavier.

Ingredients

1 breadfruit (Check Caribbean grocery stores or Whole Foods for one)
360 mL evaporated milk
115 g medium cheddar cheese, grated, with some reserved for topping
75 g Monterey Jack cheese, grated
75 g onions, diced
45 g butter
25 g all-purpose flour
7 g ground mustard
6 g fresh parsley, chopped
2 g salt
1/4 scotch bonnet pepper, diced
1 pinch ground nutmeg
ground black pepper

1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius.
2. Cut off the stem part of the breadfruit, then rest that flat side down on your cutting board and cut the breadfruit into wedges. Peel the skin off with a potato peeler or sharp pairing knife. Remove the spongy center of the breadfruit so that you’re left with a wedge that is all breadfruit meat.
3. Rinse the wedges with cool water, then place them in a deep pot and cover with water. Bring everything to a boil, add the salt, and let everything cook for 20 minutes until it’s tender.
4. In another saucepan, heat the butter on low heat, then as it melts add the flour and let it cook for about 4 to 5 minutes. Add the evaporated milk, then turn up the heat to medium and whisk. Add the parsley, scotch bonnet pepper, ground mustard, Monterey Jack cheese, most of the cheddar cheese, onions, nutmeg, and as much black pepper as you see fit. Cook for a few minutes until you have a thick and smooth sauce.
5. Slice each wedge of cooked breadfruit about 1/4 inch thick, then place a layer onto a greased cooking dish. Add a layer of cheese sauce, then another layer of sliced breadfruit, and top with the remaining cheese sauce. Sprinkle on the rest of the grated cheese on top.
6. Place on the middle rack of a preheated oven and bake for about 30 minutes. Let it cool for a few minutes before eating.

Random Thoughts on Jarritos

If I'm having Mexican food, there's a good chance I'm having a Jarritos soda with it. Founded in 1950 by Don Francisco "El Güero" Hill, the popular Mexican soft drink gets its name from the Spanish for "little jugs" as fruit-flavoured aguas fresca were traditionally kept in clay jugs to keep cool for long periods. A cold Jarritos perfectly offsets a spicy taco or burrito. As today is the anniversary of the creation of this beverage, here are my impressions of all that  Jarritos has to offer.  

Lime - One of the original flavours released, this is my go-to Jarritos beverage, mostly because it's the one flavour that's almost always available. Consider it if you want a better-tasting version of Sprite.

Mandarin - As mandarins normally are sweeter than oranges, fans of orange drinks should flock to this. This reminded me of what an orange popsicle would taste like if it were made with Orange Crush. 

Strawberry - I never consider strawberries to be a fruit to be used for juice, so I usually leave this one on the shelf. As close to strawberry Fanta as you're going to get this side of the border.

Tamarind - According to Wikipedia, tamarinds are sweet, brown, tangy pod-like fruits. The taste of this Jarrotos reminds me of the tartness of the powdered iced tea my parents used to buy in bulk back in the day. As it is one of the rarer varieties available, you'll have to see it and be in the mood to experiment before having one.

Guava - Very sweet and very pink. I'm surprised to see this flavour still on store shelves, what with  "Barbie" movie fans buying any and everything pink for their after-viewing parties.

Grapefruit - Other than Wink, grapefruit isn't a flavour that's featured a lot in soft drinks. When you're in the mood for a citrusy sweet-sour beverage, consider seeking this one out.

Fruit Punch - I'd believe it if someone told me this was just all the fruit flavours mixed together. If you call your drinks by their colour, this is prime Red Stuff.

Pineapple - Fans of the elusive pineapple-flavored Crush should give this a try. Perfect for those times when you want a piña colada without any alcohol.

Jamaica - This should be called Hibiscus as Jamaica is a country and not a fruit. You're not going to get the health benefits you would get from drinking hibiscus tea, but you will get that sweet and spicy taste.

Mango - When you taste this you're probably going to want to make this your new mixer for a shot of vodka or rum. Perfect for tropical-themed parties in the backyard.

Watermelon - You don't need Harry Styles to get a Watermelon Sugar high, just have one of these sodas. It's as close as you'll get to drinking a liquid watermelon Jolly Ranger.

Passion Fruit - Actual passion fruit tends to be both sweet and sour simultaneously. Jarritos Passion Fruit falls a lot closer to sweet than sour.

Mexican Cola - The Coca-Cola in Mexico tastes different from the regular gringo version because it uses cane sugar instead of corn syrup to sweeten it. Jarritos also uses cane sugar in their cola, but it tastes to me more like RC cola. See how it improves the flavour of this cola-based barbeque sauce:

Ingredients Cola BBQ Sauce

250 mL Jarritos Mexican Cola
235 g ketchup
69 g Worcestershire sauce
27.5 g brown sugar
6 g salt
1.15 g black pepper
0.5 g garlic powder
2.5 mL hot sauce

1. Mix all ingredients together in a saucepan over medium to low heat.
2. Allow everything to boil for about 5 to 10 minutes until reduced and thickened.
3. Remove from heat and use immediately or pour into storage containers and store in the refrigerator for several months.

"Roadrunner" - A Better Late Than Never review

Chef. Addict. Writer. TV star. Provocateur. Until his untimely death by suicide, Anthony Bourdain was all of these. In its attempt to get to know who Bourdain was, director Morgan Neville relies on footage from Bourdain's many shows and media appearances, along with interviews with people who knew him. It is said that fame changes a person, and "Roadrunner" shows that in three parts. We see that behind Bourdain's cool outer shell was a geeky romantic, who did his best to keep it together when fame found him. We see that it took time for Bourdain to grow into the engaging persona fans have seen through the years, with producers in the early stages of his TV career practically begging him to show the charm he showed at book signings and in his kitchen. We see that travel can change you as a person and that constant travel took its toll on him with two failed marriages. We see a man who dove headfirst into something with full commitment to it, whether it was cooking, making compelling television, fatherhood, or falling in love. We see that he was totally invested in making the last major love affair of his life work, only to eventually see it lead him to his shocking demise. You can see the pain on people's faces when they talk about Bourdain's state of mind in the weeks leading up to his death. While no one can understand what goes through the mind of someone who takes their own life, you get the feeling that Bourdain felt he had compromised himself too much at that point, and that there was only one way out. At one point in the documentary, Bourdain talks about how his own death doesn't interest or concern him and that he hopes that at the very least, it provides some entertainment value. As the subject of a documentary for both long-time fans and people who want to see what the fuss was about him, I think he would have been pleased.

Peak Ottawa: An Obama Cookie at Le Moulin de Provence

Source: https://macleans.ca/

Ottawa is a city where you see politicians milling around downtown often. But one day in February 2009, a politician made his first official visit to the city and caused a commotion that you would expect when A-list celebrities appear on a Hollywood red carpet. U.S. President Barack Obama, fresh off his first inauguration the previous month, dazzled the City That Fun Forgot with his grace, charm, and overall coolness - I imagine this was what the buzz was like when JFK was elected or the Trudeamania Justin's dad experienced back in the sixties. The highlight of this visit was the impromptu visit to the ByWard Market, where the 44th president picked up some trinkets for his daughters and the obligatory Beavertail. He then went across the street to Le Moulin de Provence bakery, where he got two maple-leaf-shaped shortbread cookies. Soon everyone wanted one, and the bakery has been cranking out thousands of what is now known as the Obama Cookie ever since. In honour of the day Obama got his birth certificate, seek out the cookie that bears his name. It may remind you of your love for Canada and admiration for the 44th president.

Hot Dog Helper

If you're going to eat a hot dog, don't limit yourself to the usual ketchup, mustard, and relish.  Up your frankfurter game with these topping hacks that work whether you like your tube steaks boiled, grilled, pan-fried, or microwaved.

The Breakfast Dog

1 egg
shredded Cheddar cheese
salsa

1. Cook your hot dog any way you prefer. 
2. Scramble an egg.
3. Top the hot dog with the scrambled eggs, some cheese, and some salsa.

Tomato-Feta Dog

Tzatziki sauce
halved cherry tomatoes
cucumber slices
crumbled feta cheese
fresh dill

1. Cook your hot dog any way you prefer.
2. Place a hot dog in a bun and top it with the remaining ingredients.

BLT Dogs

15 grams mayonnaise
15 grams sour cream
2 pieces cooked bacon, crumbled
1 small tomato, seeded and chopped
1 green onion top, thinly sliced
dill pickles, diced
lettuce leaves, thinly sliced

1. Mix the tomato, bacon, pickles, mayonnaise, and sour cream in a bowl; cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 4 hours to allow the flavours to blend.
2. Cook your hot dog any way you prefer then place a hot dog in a bun and top with the remaining ingredients.

Pineapple-Basil Barbeque Dog

barbeque sauce
fresh chopped pineapple
red onion, finely chopped
fresh basil, finely chopped

1. Cook your hot dog any way you prefer. 
2. Place a hot dog in a bun and top it with the remaining ingredients.

Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dog

bacon
cooking oil (for frying)

1. Wrap a hot dog with a strip of bacon and secure everything with a toothpick. Place the hot dog in the Refrigerator.
2. Heat the cooking oil in either a deep fryer or a large saucepan. When the oil reaches 175 ºC, place the 175C until the bacon is crispy and browned, about 2 to 5 minutes. 
3. Drain the hot dog on a paper towel-lined plate and serve hot dogs in toasted buns.

Exploding Bonbons for "Oppenheimer" Fans

Going to the movies this weekend? You're probably going to see either the movie about everyone's favorite fashion doll or the one about the development of the atomic bomb, "Oppenheimer". For the filming of the latter, it's been rumoured that the director, Christopher Nolan, detonated an actual atomic bomb on the set of this anticipated film due to his dislike of using CGI effects. Nolan has been coy about how he actually got the effects he wanted for the film, but with the recipe below, it is possible to make an exploding dessert of sorts to enjoy before or after seeing this movie, with no radioactive elements required.

Ingredients:

1 box vanilla cake mix, plus the ingredients called for on the box
1 package each of red, blue, purple and green Pop Rocks candy
475 g white chocolate chips
180 g vanilla icing
10 mL refined coconut oil
cooking spray, for pan
3 drops red or orange food colouring (optional)

1. Preheat your oven to 177ºC and grease a 23-cm x 33-cm pan with cooking spray. 
2. Make the vanilla cake according to the directions on the box, pour the batter into the baking pan, and bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 25 minutes. Remove the cake from the oven and let it cool completely.
3. Crumble the cake into a large bowl, making sure to break apart any large pieces. Add the icing and stir until everything is fully incorporated. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, then place a wire cooling rack on the baking sheet. 
4. Roll the cake mixture into 20 small balls about the size of a ping-pong ball. Make a well in each cake ball with your thumb and transfer them to the wire rack. Pour the Pop Rocks into the wells and seal with more cake mixture, rolling one more time to make sure they are all round and sealed. Place the baking sheet in your freezer for 30 minutes, until bonbons are firm.
5. Combine the chocolate chips and coconut oil in a medium microwave-safe bowl. Microwave in 30-second increments, stirring in between. Spoon the melted white chocolate over the chilled bonbons until all are coated.
   
   For those with the ability to draw:
   
   • Mix the food colouring into the remaining white chocolate and transfer everything to a piping bag or a resealable plastic bag, then cut off the tip to create a small hole. Now you can decorate each cake ball with either a mushroom cloud or a rendering of either Fat Man or Little Boy.
6. Place the bonbons in the freezer for 10 minutes before serving.

Poke - the Hawaiian Fisherman's Friend

Cooking in a hot kitchen when it's hot outside sucks. Even worse is standing in front of a hot grill when it's hot and muggy out, and the air quality is poor. On days like this, consider making a poke (pronounced “po-keh,”) bowl, a popular Hawaiian dish made from diced raw fish that can be served as either an appetizer or a main course. Created by fishermen who took leftover pieces of raw tuna or octopus and mixed it with a marinade of Hawaiian sea salt, seaweed, and roasted local nuts (among other ingredients), poke differs from ceviche because it doesn't use citrus juice as a marinade; this prevents the proteins of the fish from rearranging or denaturing as if heat were applied to them. The popularity of poke has exploded over the years, influenced by Japanese and other Asian cuisines, as well as mainland additions such as sauces like soy, teriyaki, and sriracha, and fresh items like avocado, pineapple, cucumber, edamame, and green onions. Added to a base of cooked rice, this light refreshing meal is perfect whenever the mercury rises.

Ingredients:

454 g sushi or sashimi-grade fish, cut into bite-size pieces (salmon and tuna are good choices)

• Avoid using frozen fish (the cold affects the texture of the fish)

60 mL low-sodium soy sauce
10 mL rice vinegar
10 mL sesame oil
5 g freshly grated ginger
5 g toasted sesame seeds, plus more for garnish
2 green onions, thinly sliced, plus more for garnish
cooked room temperature white or brown rice
edamame
shredded carrots
sliced avocado, cucumber, radish
chopped macadamia nuts (optional)
crushed red pepper flakes (optional)

1. In a large bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame oil, ginger, some of the green onions and sesame seeds, and the red pepper flakes if you choose to use them.
2. Add the chopped fish and toss to coat it with the marinade. Refrigerate everything for at least 15 minutes or up to 1 hour.
3. Add the rice to the bottom of four bowls. Top with the marinated fish and any of the toppings. Garnish with the remaining green onions and sesame seeds before serving. Offer both Keypie mayonnaise or sriracha sauce as a topping.

Poke tastes best if it's eaten the same day it is prepared. Refrigerated and stored in sealed containers, poke can keep for up to 2 days. If it starts to look slimy, don't eat it.

Make Dessert And Save Energy: Chocolate chai energy balls

When the weather outside starts to heat up, people start turning on their air conditioners in an effort to cool down. This usually leads to brownouts or blackouts across the province.  In an effort to conserve energy, the Ontario government is offering incentives to people with smart thermostats who are willing to reduce their air conditioning and energy use during peak hours. Those who enroll will see the temperature in their house adjusted by two to four degrees up to 10 times between June and September for up to three hours during peak periods for electricity. For those without smart thermostats (or skeptical about letting a Doug Ford-led government control the temperature in their home), another way to keep cool in the summer is to make foods that don't require you to turn on the oven. Sarah Jade of Tastes by Jade suggests her no-bake chocolate chai energy bites as a tasty way to beat the heat. Even if you're not much of a baker, making these should be no sweat. 

Ingredients

240 g oat flour or almond flour
113 g runny honey
72 g coconut oil, melted
30 g almond butter
25 g unsweetened fine coconut
25 g cocoa powder
9 g chai spice blend (or 5.5 g cinnamon, 2 g ground cardamom, 1.5 g ground ginger)
1/2 tsp salt
Coconut flakes, crush pistachios or cocoa powder to coat balls

1. Melt the coconut oil in a pot and whisk in the honey.
2. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix well.
3. Form the mixture into balls and roll them in coconut flakes, crushed pistachios, or cocoa powder.

Treat Yo' Self on Yo' Birthday

This month marks the annual day my body has survived the Earth's rotation around the sun. I plan to celebrate this occasion by getting as much free food as possible. Using the world's most popular search engine, I checked how many places offer complimentary items on one's birthday or birthday month. Most places require you to sign up for an email list or download an app a couple of days before your birthday; start at least a month before the day you were born to get all that's coming to you. Below is a way to break down the offers available by type of meal - happy birthday to you.

AVOID AN UNNECESSARY HASSLE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: BRING ID WITH YOUR D.O.B

BREAKFAST

• Kettleman’s Bagel - Downloading their app and joining their rewards club get you a dozen free bagels of your choice.
• Le Moulin De Provence KD (Metcalfe & Queen) - Get a freshly-baked pastry after proving it really is your birthday. Please note this offer is not valid at the Byward Market store for some reason. 
• Perkins - Three pancakes, two eggs made to order, and two pieces of bacon are a great way to start your birthday.
  
  Coffee fans probably already know Bridgehead and Starbucks offer a free birthday beverage if you sign up for their respective rewards programs. If not, make the most of those points that have been gathering dust on your profile.

LUNCH/DINNER

• Blue Cactus - With the purchase of another main course of equal or greater value, you can get a free entrée on your birthday. If you go during the month of your birthday you can get a free dessert.
• Harvey's - They may make your hamburger a beautiful thing but on your birthday, the best they can offer is free Frings (half Frech fries, half onion rings).
• South St. Burger - As a member of the Birthday Club, you can treat yourself and a friend to a birthday burger with their ‘buy one, get one free’ coupon. The best part of this deal is that it's good on your birthday and up until 14 days afterward.
• Tucker's Marketplace: Guess who's back...back again...Two years after closing during the COVID-19 pandemic, the former Mother Tucker's is back with its customary free birthday meal.
• The Works: A free burger with the purchase of any burger of equal or lesser value and a side is available to you. As someone who has been working his way through their menu, I would be doing myself a disservice for not suggesting you take advantage of their offer.

DESSERT

If you have a sweet tooth, you've hit the motherlode on your birthday. The following locales will satisfy that craving by comping your dessert with the purchase of a meal:

• The Bad Alibi
• Big Rig
• Flapjack’s Canadian Diner - They offer a birthday cake milkshake which is exactly what it sounds like, a piece of birthday cake blended into a milkshake.
• Host India
• Lone Star Texas Grill
• Mamma Teresa Ristorante (300 Somerset Street West) - BONUS: A song is also served with your dessert.
• Marble Slab Creamery
• Mia’s Indian Cuisine
• Pelican Fishery & Grill Restaurant

Cowboy Up Your Steak

You can tell who takes their grilling seriously by whether or not they barbeque year-round. For some people, a little snow and ice aren't enough to keep them from cooking meat over an open flame. Even if you're one of those people who prefer not grilling in subzero temperatures, you will want to have some cowboy butter on your next steak. Adding butter to steak adds richness and can soften a steak's charred exterior, making the meat more tender. Cowboy butter is great for grilled meats, perfect for chicken and fish, and can be stirred into rice or cooked pasta, or spread on crusty French bread or cornbread. So rustle up yourself some, little dogie.

Ingredients

85 g butter, melted (grass-fed butter if possible)
21 g parsley, fresh chopped
21 g chopped chives, fresh chopped
15 g Dijon mustard
12 g minced thyme
1.5 g crushed red pepper flakes
1.5 g teaspoon paprika
4 cloves garlic, minced
juice and zest of half a lemon
salt
black pepper, freshly ground if possible
cayenne pepper

1. In a small bowl, combine the melted butter, lemon juice, garlic, mustard, paprika, and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Whisk the sauce to combine everything.
2. Stir in the parsley, chives, crushed red pepper flakes, lemon zest, and thyme, and season everything with salt and pepper. For a thicker butter sauce, add more mustard.

This recipe can also be made into a solid piece of cowboy butter by using a stick of softened butter instead of melting it:

1. Place the softened butter in the bowl of a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Whip the butter until it's fluffy. Add the remaining ingredients and mix everything until it's completely combined, scraping the sides as needed.
2. Lay out a long piece of plastic wrap and scoop the butter mixture in a long strip down the middle of it. Carefully pull one side of the plastic wrap over the butter, squeezing it gently to form it into a log. Continue to roll the log of butter into a roll. When it's all rolled up, twist the ends (like a piece of candy) until they become very taut (this means the butter is pressing together inside the plastic to form a cohesive roll). 
3. Place the roll of butter into either the fridge or the freezer so it will harden.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Caesar Salad

Everyone and their dog believes the Caesar salad has something to do with Rome's most recognizable emperor Julius Caesar. This is not the case. You may be even more surprised to learn that the Caesar salad didn't even originate in Italy, ancient or otherwise. The most commonly accepted origin of the famous side salad claims it was named after an Italian chef named Caesar Cardini who threw it together out of necessity when his restaurant in Tijuana, Mexico was busy and he had to serve his customers something. Traditionally prepared and served tableside, the original recipe has spawned numerous variations from restaurant to restaurant as its popularity spread. On the Ides of March, consider paying tribute with the recipe below, with a shot of tequila for authenticity.

Ingredients

1 romaine lettuce
3 garlic cloves, crushed
4 thick slices of day-old bread
1 egg yolk (NOTE: There is a risk of infection by salmonella bacteria, as it can be found in eggs with cracked or improperly handled eggshells.)
Parmesan cheese
canned anchovies in oil
60 mL olive oil
15 mL lemon juice
5 mL Worcestershire sauce
7.5 g Dijon mustard
salt and pepper

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C.
2. Place two of the garlic cloves, the mustard, the Worcestershire sauce, eight of the anchovies, the egg yolk, the lemon juice, and a few shakes of salt and pepper in either a food processor or blender and blend for 30 seconds until the mixture starts foaming. With the machine still running, slowly drizzle in 40 mL of the olive oil until the mixture begins to thicken. Continue pouring the oil in a steady stream until it has all been added.
3. Pour the dressing into a bowl; if the dressing is too thick, add a bit of hot water to thin it out to the desired consistency. Grate 60 g of Parmesan cheese and mix it into the dressing. Season to taste with salt and pepper and put the dressing in the fridge until it's time to use it.
4. Cut the bread slices into small cubes, and then toss the bread with the remaining olive oil and garlic in a bowl. Spread the pieces out on a baking sheet in a single layer and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the croutons are browned and crisp. Once done, remove the baking sheet from the oven and let the croutons cool.
5. Separate the lettuce into individual leaves and wash them either in a salad spinner or by patting them dry with paper towels. Tear the lettuce into pieces and place them in a large bowl. Pour on the dressing and toss the salad well. Add the croutons, and some shaved Parmesan; adding some of the remaining anchovies chopped up is optional. Serve immediately.

An Open Letter To Kelly Egan

I'm not much of a writer, but I know bullshit when I read it.

Despite the fact you're now a former Ottawa Citizen city columnist, I stumbled across a recent column of yours. It was about how you bemoaned how complicated food has gotten and how you pine for simpler times at the grocery store.  I get that you have to write something to justify the bone thrown your way, but there's a reason why you retired from the daily grind of writing a newspaper column in the first place. Consider filling those hours with a basic cooking class.

I don't get how someone who is aware of "The Google" as you call it can't be bothered to look up terms they don't understand with "The Google". Having a fast and easy way to take the mystery out of unfamiliar terms in recipes is one of the best things about cooking today, not the hindrance you choose to make it for some reason. Why are you being wilfully ignorant for the sake of a column?  You had no idea the French had a huge influence on cooking over the centuries? I refuse to believe you are that clueless. You never heard of or seen kale until you typed out that article? Come on... 

You seriously are stunned that there are two different ways to cook food in water? It's not that hard of a concept to wrap your head around, but you seem gobsmacked that you can cut food into big and small pieces AND that there's a term for the size of the cut. And of course, you're the guy who buys kitchen appliances he has no intention of using just so he can complain about his lack of counter space. Food is as complicated as you make it and to go out of your way to make it more complicated is a choice. How can you be miffed at how convoluted food is and resent that 'servers in high-end “bistros” spend several minutes translating' what the items on the menu are - isn't that what you're asking for? Food isn't hard to decipher - you're just being deliberately dumb about it. 

We all romanticize the past in some way or another, but at no time when I was sent to the store for a loaf of bread back in the eighties did I go, "Gee Mom, I wish there was less in the store I could buy for a buck". Whining about all the bread styles available is the most first world of problems. If your wife really did send you to the grocery store for ciabatta bread, why didn't you ask for help instead of allegedly coming back with the wrong thing? Were you that intimidated by the employees' knowledge of bread loaves?  No surprise a palette as white-bread as yours is surprised that Wonder bread isn't the end-all, be-all of baked loaves.

Do us all a favour and leave the food writing to the food writers on the Citizen's staff, food bloggers who actually care about the food they're eating, or to dumbasses like me who can follow a recipe without going into a blind panic. Stick to those articles about the good people in our community, and the trials and tribulations of their lives. They truly are your bread and butter. 

Superbowl Eats: Philadelphia Eagles edition

Philadelphia is known for its rabid sports fans and its love of sandwiches. After pelting Santa Claus with snowballs after an Eagles loss in the sixties, you can guarantee a lot of cheesesteaks were consumed afterwards. According to legend, the famous sandwich was created in the early 1930s by Pat and Harry Olivieri. The two brothers owned a hot dog stand, and one day, they decided to make a sandwich made with chopped beef and grilled onions. After a cab driver saw the sandwich and asked for one, he suggested the Olivieris quit selling hot dogs and make sandwiches instead. As Philadelphians hope Jalen Hurts' arm and the Eagles' running game can lead the city to another Superbowl victory, celebrate with cheesesteak of your own. It may not be an authentic one from the City of Brotherly Love, but it will lessen your chances of getting assaulted by a Philly fanatic.

Ingredients

454 g ribeye steak
28 g butter
30 mL olive oil
8 slices mild provolone cheese or warmed Cheez Whiz
4 submarine sandwich rolls
1 large onion, diced
1 garlic clove, pressed
salt and black pepper, to taste
fresh thyme, chopped

1. Place the steak in the freezer for about 10 minutes until it gets very cold but not frozen solid. Trim off any large pieces of fat, then slice the steak as thin as possible with a sharp knife. Season the meat with salt and pepper.
2. In a small bowl, mix together the butter with the pressed garlic. Slice the sandwich rolls 3/4 of the way through with a serrated knife. Spread the garlic butter onto the cut sides of the buns. Toast the buns on either a large skillet, a flat cooktop or griddle on in the oven on medium heat until they are golden brown then set them aside.
3. Heat in a large skillet or griddle half of the olive oil. Add the onions and season with salt and pepper. Cook for about 12 to 15 minutes, stirring occasionally until the onions have softened and start to caramelize around the edges. Transfer the onions to a bowl once they're done.
4. Add the remaining oil to the skillet and increase the heat to high. Spread the thinly sliced steak in the skillet in an even layer. Let the meat brown for a couple of minutes undisturbed then flip and season with salt and  pepper. Sautee until steak is fully cooked through then stir in the caramelized onions.
5. Turn heat down to low on the steak, then add the provolone slices on top of the steak mixture (if that's the cheese you plan to use) and let the cheese melt. Stir to combine, once the cheese has melted.
6. Scoop the cheesesteak mixture into the toasted sandwich rolls. If you are using warm Cheez Whiz, drizzle the cheesesteaks with it. Sprinkle fresh thyme over top and serve warm. 

Sauces More Essential Than Sauce Gardner

As a New York Jets fan, I can't help but wonder what could have been as the NFL heads into this year's playoffs. While my favourite team didn't make the playoffs (again), their defense improved enough to keep them in most of their games this year, and at one point, a wildcard spot was a serious possibility. But, as usual, the Jets faltered. The only consistent bright spot on the Jets this season was rookie cornerback Ahmad "Sauce" Gardner. Selected fourth overall in the 2022 NFL Draft from the University of Cincinnati, Sauce helped lift the Jets' defense from the bottom of the league to place in the top 5 in several categories this season. A good sauce can also improve the taste of something you plan on eating. Classified by legendary French chef Marie-Antoine Carême and expanded upon by equally legendary chef Auguste Escoffier in the 19th century, mother sauces serve as a starting point for a variety of different sauces. With the recipes below, these sauces can help lift your dishes to even greater levels of success.

Béchamel sauce (white sauce)

Ingredients:

15 g butter
9 g flour
240 mL milk

1. Melt the butter in a pan over medium heat. Create a roux by whisking in the flour and continue mixing until everything is completely combined, cooking it for several minutes until the mixture turns a blond to light brown colour.
2. Pour in the milk, and increase the heat to medium-high. Continue whisking until the mixture has thickened.
3. Season with salt and freshly ground nutmeg.

If there's one sauce any cook should know how to make, this would be it. It can be used in gravies and dessert bases, and it adds richness to pasta, meat, and vegetable dishes all on its own. Like all mother sauces, this recipe can be modified to make other sauces, such as:

• Mornay sauce (cheese sauce): Traditionally, this is Béchamel sauce with equal parts Gruyere and Parmesan cheese added to it. Use about 100 g of grated cheese (any cheese that melts well works) for every 240 mL of milk used, adding the cheese a bit at a time for it to properly melt.
• Mustard sauce: This is Béchamel sauce with a spoonful of mustard added to it; with the addition of some cheddar cheese and Worcestershire sauce, it makes a nice cheddar cheese sauce.
• Bayou sauce: For any Louisiana-style Cajun cooking you're planning, sauté a large diced onion in the butter first, then add some diced garlic, and Creole seasoning. Add the flour and cook the roux until the mixture takes a dark brown colour.

Velouté sauce

Ingredients:

15 g butter
9 g flour
240 mL chicken stock (fish stock or vegetable broth can be substitited)

1. Melt the butter in a pan over medium heat. Whisk in the flour and continue mixing until everything is completely combined, cooking it until the mixture turns a blond colour.
2. Pour in the stock, and increase the heat to medium-high. Continue stirring until the mixture has thickened.

A great topping for fish and other mild-flavoured meats, velouté sauce with a few tweaks can be turned into the following:

• Albufera sauce: Add some lemon juice, egg yolk, and cream; try it on chicken or asparagus.
• Bercy sauce: Add some chopped up shallots and parsley along with a splash or two of white wine.
• Poulette sauce: Add some chopped mushrooms, parsley, and some lemon juice. 

Hollandaise sauce

Ingredients:

120 g butter
2 large egg yolks
juice from 1 large lemon
salt

1. Cut the butter into eight pieces and set aside.
2. In a saucepan, whisk the egg yolks, the lemon juice, and a pinch of salt together. Set the heat to low and continue whisking the mixture until it just begins to thicken - you know you're good when you can see a trail left behind from the whisk on the bottom of the pan. Avoid overheating by briefly removing the saucepan from the heat while stirring as necessary.
3. Add the butter one piece at a time, whisking continuously until it's melted completely.
   
   A few dashes of cayenne pepper and freshly ground white pepper can be added. For less of a lemony flavour, substitute 15 mL of lemon juice with an equal amount of water.

The most recognizable sauce on this list, hollandaise can be used for more than a topping for asparagus and Eggs Benedict, as it can be turned into:

• Béarnaise sauce: For a great steak sauce, simmer 10 g diced fresh tarragon and two finely diced shallots in 30 mL of white wine or champagne vinegar. Add this to the sauce before the butter is added. 
• Dijon sauce: After the hollandaise has been made, add some Dijon mustard to taste.

Sauce tomate

Ingredients:

900 g crushed tomatoes
480 g Béchamel sauce
60 g bacon
50 g diced carrots
50 g diced onion
15 g butter
4 g sugar
3 g salt
1 bay leaf or sprig of thyme
1 crushed garlic clove

1. Render the bacon in a saucepan with the butter. Once all the fat has melted, add the carrots, onions, and bay leaf or thyme. Cook for about five minutes to soften and lightly brown everything, then add the flour and continue cooking until the mixture is light brown.
2. Add the tomatoes and Béchamel sauce. Bring everything to a boil, then reduce to a low heat, and add the garlic, the sugar, and the salt. Cover the saucepan and let the sauce simmer for about an hour.
3. Strain the sauce through a strainer to remove any remaining vegetable and bacon, or run the sauce through a blender. Add fresh ground black pepper and more salt to taste.

This is basically the French version of an Italian tomato sauce - for a more familiar sauce, leave out the bacon, flour, and white sauce, and cook it a bit longer to thicken it. 

• Vodka sauce: Near the end of cooking the sauce tomate, add 120 ml cream and 120 mL vodka, and let it simmer for a few minutes.

Espagnole sauce (brown sauce)

Ingredients:

2 L basic brown stock (canned stock can be used, but a packet of unflavoured gelatin should be added to it)
60 g butter
60 g tomato purée
50 g diced carrots
50 g diced celery
50 g diced onion
36 g flour
1 bay leaf and some sprigs of thyme

1. Melt the butter in a large saucepan. Add the carrots, celery, and onions. Sauté the vegetables until they're medium brown in colour.
2. Add the flour and cook everything until the flour turns light brown, then add the tomato purée, the brown stock, the bay leaf and the thyme. Let the sauce simmer for 2 hours, until it reduces down by half. While the sauce simmers, skim any foam off the top as needed. 
3. Remove the sauce from the heat and let in cool. Strain the sauce through a strainer to remove any remaining small particles.

Used on braised and roasted meats, espagnole is the most time-extensive sauce on this list if you plan to make your own stock. It is well worth the effort, as it allows you to make the following:

• Bordelaise sauce: Served traditionally on filet mignon, this can be made by adding some red wine, shallots, and aromatic herbs.
• Diable sauce: Add cayenne pepper, shallots, and white wine.
• Poivrade sauce (pepper sauce): Add vinegar and a large spoonful of crushed black pepppercorn at the end of cooking, and let the sauce simmer for a few minutes - the peppercorns will become bitter if the sauce is cooked for too long.