Working My Way Through The Works: Son of a Beech

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Avocado, Beechhouse sauce, sundried tomato & feta cheese."
March 25, 2024

I'm overdue for writing about these burgers. So much so that I can't help but notice a lot has changed around the site of my favourite Works location. I see some businesses have come and gone from the surrounding strip mall. Somehow they managed to wedge in a new supermarket across the parking lot from the Works.  The most concerning addition to the area, however, has to be the arrival of a new McDonald's. Having a place famous for selling billions of cheap burgers a year in your backyard can't be good for any business that sells similar food - how does one counter Rotten Ronnie's fast-food fixings? You can start by offering a better burger.  I went with the Son of a Beech,featuring the Works' own Beechhouse sauce. As burger sauces go, this is one of the better ones. The sun-dried tomato added a nice bit of tangy sweetness to the burger, which worked well with the saltiness of feta. I'm still not a fan of non-guacamole avocado being added to my hamburger, but I didn't mind the slab that came with my meal this time. No complaints either about the French fries, I'm glad the server suggested adding some gravy on the side to go with them. I did take issue with the shrinkflation that affected the size of my burger patty; if you must skimp on the meat, at least put it on a smaller bun. Overall, I was happy I decided to get lunch here. This was the busiest I've seen this location mid-afternoon, and judging by the laughter I heard from the back of the house, if the staff is worried about competition from the Golden Arches, they're not showing it. I don't know what the future holds for this location, but it's good to see and taste that they're not going out without a fight.

3.5 of 5 stars - head and shoulders better than my last burger experience here.

Random Thoughts About The I Heart Beer + Taco Festival Tour

The second edition of the two-day  I❤︎ Beer & Taco Festival rolled into Ottawa last weekend. I went to the second of three sessions, the first on Friday, and the last starting later that afternoon. These were my impressions.

• Entering the Cattle Castle (I'll never get used to calling it the Aberdeen Pavilion, no matter how many years have passed since the last SuperEx), I was handed a plastic cup for beer sampling. Already this is more than what the Food & Wine Festival gave people.
• I wanted to bring my son to this but after buying the tickets I learned it's a 19+ event - why? We're eating tacos for God's sake...Yes, I'm aware they're serving beer here, and that a bunch of drunk children would be a nightmare to deal with, but you're not supposed to serve minors beer. They made an exception for toddlers, however. Who knew screaming colicky babies were preferred over children who aren't ill-mannered brats?
• You had to buy tokens to get anything to eat or drink, with most tacos and beers going for 2 to 3 tokens. I went with 8 tokens to start for $20.
• First taco: Beef brisket, El Patcho's Tacos
  Done in a barbacoa style, the brisket tasted good, and the toppings added some freshness and balanced everything out. This is what you want in a taco, check them out if you're ever in Carleton Place.
  
• This was the place to be if you like beer pong, as half of the left side of the Castle was devoted to it. I've never gotten the appeal of playing beer pong as I've never needed to gamify my drinking. If beer pong wasn't your thing, there were plenty of 1UP arcade games and some retro consoles set up for play.  With all these video games around, you'd think they would allow children to attend. If it sounds like I'm bitter about this rule, it's because I am. No refunds on tickets.
• Second taco: Fish, Margarita Restaurant
  I didn't think to ask what fish it was, but it was nicely fried, and the slaw served with it was just as good. If I ever go for a sit-down meal at this place, the cauliflower taco that was also an option to try is what I plan to have.
• I hadn't planned on drinking that afternoon, so I was happy to see lots of free water available for drinking and rinsing out your sample cup. I was also happy to see all the breweries that attended the event - who says that craft beer is dead?
• Third taco: Lamb, Spring Pasture Farm
  This vendor knew more about raising and butchering lamb than making tacos. Even though the meat was cooked well, this was my least favourite taco of the day. It was essentially a basic gringo taco made with ground lamb instead of ground beef. 
• For what it's worth, the best lamb taco I've ever had I got from Sí Señor, whose presence was noticeably absent from this event.
• Quite a few bored security guards were milling around.
• I would have liked more standing tables at this event, but there were a lot of tables and chairs available on the right side of the building if you're a fan of community seating and eating. Introverts like myself were forced to stand or sit off to the side.
• To the surprise of no one, the plant-based taco booth had no lineup.
• Fourth taco: Beef tongue, Casa Cancún
  I'm glad these guys came from London, Ontario for this thing, as they made my favorite taco. I've wanted to try beef tongue since I heard the meat was tender underneath the rough outer exterior. I also noticed that they were the only place I tried that used corn tortillas instead of flour and that they grilled them. It was a very satisfying taco topped with some hot salsa, onions, and a little cilantro. 
• I heard there was hot sauce available to sample, but I couldn't find any.
• Fifth taco: Pork, Picante mx
  Because I could pronounce it better than I could carnitas, I went with the pastor style of pork. For those who were wondering, al pastor is when the meat is cooked on a vertical spit, like shawarma meat, while carnitas is chopped up pork braised in its own fat, or added lard. It was a good taco, I'm certain I would have enjoyed either style.
• This is a first - I actually felt full at a food festival. 
• Overall, one of the better food festivals I've been to in Ottawa. If I could change anything I would have allowed people to buy tickets at the door, it seemed like a missed opportunity with so much foot traffic around. The food was great, and it was an event that the whole family could enjoy if the promoters would let them. 

"Roadrunner" - A Better Late Than Never review

Chef. Addict. Writer. TV star. Provocateur. Until his untimely death by suicide, Anthony Bourdain was all of these. In its attempt to get to know who Bourdain was, director Morgan Neville relies on footage from Bourdain's many shows and media appearances, along with interviews with people who knew him. It is said that fame changes a person, and "Roadrunner" shows that in three parts. We see that behind Bourdain's cool outer shell was a geeky romantic, who did his best to keep it together when fame found him. We see that it took time for Bourdain to grow into the engaging persona fans have seen through the years, with producers in the early stages of his TV career practically begging him to show the charm he showed at book signings and in his kitchen. We see that travel can change you as a person and that constant travel took its toll on him with two failed marriages. We see a man who dove headfirst into something with full commitment to it, whether it was cooking, making compelling television, fatherhood, or falling in love. We see that he was totally invested in making the last major love affair of his life work, only to eventually see it lead him to his shocking demise. You can see the pain on people's faces when they talk about Bourdain's state of mind in the weeks leading up to his death. While no one can understand what goes through the mind of someone who takes their own life, you get the feeling that Bourdain felt he had compromised himself too much at that point, and that there was only one way out. At one point in the documentary, Bourdain talks about how his own death doesn't interest or concern him and that he hopes that at the very least, it provides some entertainment value. As the subject of a documentary for both long-time fans and people who want to see what the fuss was about him, I think he would have been pleased.

I Watched This So You Wouldn't Have To: "Iron Chef USA: Showdown in Las Vegas" featuring William Shatner

In the early 1990s, there was a popular Japanese cooking show called "Iron Chef". The premise involved a man named Chairman Kaga assembling an arena where gourmet chefs from around the world competed in a timed contest against one of his Iron Chefs, masters of various international cooking styles.  The show became a surprise hit in North America when subtitled (later overdubbed) episodes started airing on stations around the U.S. After the show ended in 1999, an American version was attempted in 2001, featuring Star Trek's Captain Kirk. How does William Shatner figure into something like this? I couldn't wait to remove the shrinkwrap from the DVD I had in my possession to find out.

• The DVD contains the two specials created for the old UPN network. I don't remember when I bought this DVD but I assume it was done in a state of extreme intoxication or pop culture-induced euphoria.
• This was filmed at the MGM Grand in Vegas I guess during one of the rare times a UFC fight wasn't happening.
• As William Shatner explains the show's concept, the idea that he has his own culinary academy is ridiculous.
• I wonder if Shatner requested the purple and black pimp suit he's wearing for this.
• "Turn up the heat!" Shatner exclaims to kick off the show.
• Should I be surprised one of the show's commentators has the last name of Burger?
• According to this Michael Burger, his co-host Anthony Dias Blue is one of the foremost authorities on food and restaurants; I've never heard of either guy before in my life.
• To prove how much of a food authority he is, we see Big Willy Shatner strutting into Kitchen Arena behind a platoon of chefs and watch as he dismisses one of the chefs that will be helping in this competition because he didn't like how his chef's whites look - someone must have told Shatner to act like as if he's still an Admiral in Starfleet. 
• "Good evening food lovers everywhere!"
• Shatner summons his Iron Chefs, and we see the four men appear on a rising stage. 
• We learn that Jean Francois Meteigner is the French Iron Chef and he operates two celebrated restaurants in Los Angeles.
• Alessandro Stratta is the Italian Iron Chef. From the look on his face, he wants to be anywhere other than Kitchen Arena.
  
• The Asian Iron Chef is Roy Yamaguchi, dubbed the Samurai of Stirfry by Shatner. I bet he called him Sulu at least once during the taping of these specials.
• Todd English rounds out the team as Iron Chef American. As celebrity chefs go, he flies under the radar despite having several restaurants and cookbooks under his belt.
• The audience is doing a lot of cheering but I'm sure they have no idea why they're doing so, as all they're seeing are 4 chefs standing on a stage. I refuse to believe people brought signs for a cooking show that just debuted.
  

Burger: "What an assembly of talent, it's amazing!"
Blue: "It sure is."
Burger: "And if you think about this, it's kinda like having Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird, and Shaq all in one room!" 

• No, it is most certainly not. There's not even a tall black guy on the stage.
  
• The challenger is Kerry Simon, the rock and roll chef. He enters the cooking arena on the back of a motorcycle because of course he does.
• Why is he the rock and roll chef? Because he started out as a musician before he started cooking professionally. At one point, Rolling Stone magazine called him one of the world's hottest personalities.
• In a pretaped segment, Simon talks about the pressure of competitive cooking and acknowledges it's a lot different than cooking at home. He credits "being grounded " as one of the keys to his success, along with mastering every recipe in Julia Child's repertoire - he cooked everything in "Mastering The Art Of French Cooking" before it was trendy.
• David Bowie proposed to his wife Iman in the kitchen of one of Simon's restaurants - how rock-n-roll is that Burger gushes. "Not very." is my response.
  
• Shatner asks who Simon wants to battle and after an appropriate dramatic pause, he chooses to face the American Iron Chef, a good choice as he seems to be the only chef who is comfortable with being on camera. The crowd goes wild when English accepts.
• We hear more about English's background, learning that he graduated from the Culinary Institute of America and that he is a fierce competitor.

Blue: "You know that he originally wanted to be a baseball player, but his career was cut short by injury."
Burger: "So now you can say he stands behind a different kind of plate."
Blue: "Yes, that's very cute."

• Blue isn't here for Burger's bad puns and bullshit.
• Shatner explains to the competitors and the audience the rules: each chef has to prepare at least 5 dishes in 60 minutes, with each dish having an unknown secret ingredient as part of it. Fifty percent of the grade is based on taste, 25 % on presentation, and 25 % on originality.
• The cooking begins when Chairman Shatner reveals tonight's secret ingredient: Dungeness crab. A gong sounds and we see a mad dash to a large tank as the chefs and their assistants hurriedly scoop up the crustaceans.
• Burger saying this is "the Superbowl of cooking" is a huge stretch, 15-yard penalty for hyperbole.
• Calling the action in Kitchen Arena is Sissy Biggers who apparently is no stranger to the world of professional cooking and kitchens (I had to Google to learn she's hosted food-related shows in the past).  Biggers says it's a "real pressure cooker" on the floor and we see the audience is hyped for all the hot cooking action they will be seeing; right on cue, there's an enthusiastic cheer from the crowd.
• With Biggers hovering nearby we hear from Simon that his biggest concern prepping the crabs for cooking is to not get bitten by one of them  - I thought the bigger concern would be their claws, not their mouths.
• Burger channels his inner John Madden as they do a wide shot of Kitchen Arena and he starts circling different areas with a telestrator. You can't turn a cooking show into Monday Night Football, no matter how much you want to.
• Shatner is nowhere to be seen, and neither are the guys in chef's whites who I thought would be assisting the chefs in the competition. Simon and English's sous chefs are wearing grey and blue outfits respectively. 
• I'm not sure if English is loving this or mocking this competition by the way he's running around and playing to the audience and camera. For a rock and roll chef, Simon doesn't have much of a stage presence, not that focusing on your cooking is a bad thing. 
• They keep saying the competitors have to create original dishes for this cooking battle, but how are they going to know if they have ever cooked those dishes before?
• After asking what a sous chef is, it's clear that it's Blue's job to provide cooking explanations while it's Burger's responsibility to provide colour commentary
• Again, I forget that terms you hear regularly on the Food Network now weren't commonplace in 2001; Kitchen Confidential only debuted the previous year.
• As a way to give them more screen time, we see the other Iron Chefs watching the competition. Meteigner looks bored as fuck.
• Hearing Blue say hand mixers aren't common in American kitchens after seeing Simon using one shows how much has changed since the early 2000s. Simon is blending tomatoes, basil, olive oil, garlic, and red wine vinegar with said hand mixer.
• Biggers asks what English is whisking in his bowl. He plays coy and refuses to tell her for some reason. Blue assumes it's egg whites.
• Another pretaped segment highlights English's love of showmanship and sports metaphors with mentions of "razzle dazzle", and how he loves being "in the bottom of the ninth with two runs on".
• Now I'm certain English is mocking this contest, as all he's been doing for the last few minutes is whisking those egg whites and making faces at the crowd and the cameras. Someone must have reminded English that he has to cook something, as we now see him putting some crab meat on a grill.
• We see Simon adding some port to a pan full of figs while hearing the commentators marvel at how despite the pressures of the competition, both chefs' kitchens are still immaculately clean.
• Twenty minutes into the competition, we are introduced to the judges: famed comedy writer Bruce Vilanch; "Baywatch: Hawaii" star and Playboy Playmate of the Year Brande Roderick; actor Mark Famiglietti; and actress Elise Neal. I get why Vilanch was hired, but I don't get what the other judges bring to the table other than their limited celebrity.
• Speaking of limited celebrity, did you know Todd English was featured in the 2001 "50 Most Beautiful People" issue of People magazine? Now you do - you're welcome.
• At the thirty-minute mark, we see English has made a "crepe of some sort", according to Blue. The American Iron Chef mentions it's made with red cornmeal with some crab in it, but refers to it as a gateau. Take that, Jean Francois...
• Simon follows his rival's example as he blows off Biggers when she asks what he plans to do with some corn, diced red pepper, diced red onions, and pineapple in a pan.
• After having explained to him that the giant blender in the container with ice the camera has focused on is an ice cream maker, Burger is disturbed by the possibility of crab ice cream.
• He then does an unnecessary Christopher Walken impression that Blue completely ignores.
• We get a slow-motion replay of English flipping his cornmeal pan gateau. The commentators act as if he were Babe Ruth calling his shot in the World Series.

Burger: "There is no way you can do that in your house without getting your ceiling dirty!"

• Come on, man...
• Simon alerts some of his sous chefs that they need to turn around so the camera can see that they're huddling up to go over their plan of attack for the rest of the competition.
• Little Caesar's gets a plug as we learn Simon started rolling dough there at the age of 15. I don't know when Bill Murray ever worked at a pizza parlor, but when he did, it was with Kerry Simon. 
• We watch as Simon starts plating one of his dishes, which Blue guesses is crab ceviche.
• For the first time since he announced the secret ingredient, we see William Shatner, watching the contest with a look that says he can't believe he's getting paid to do this.
• In his pre-taped segment, it states that along with being a BIG TIME CELEBRITY, Shatner is also the founder and chairman of the American Culinary Academy and the creator of Kitchen Arena. A quick Google search shows there is no American Culinary Academy, instead, it takes you to information about the Culinary Institute of America, an actual culinary school that produces people who can cook and sometimes become BIG TIME CELEBRITIES.

Shatner: "Competition is the key! Chef against chef! Mano a mano! Survival...of the fittest! Totally rad!"

• Even by Shatner's standards that was over the top. Burger isn't helping any by saying Shatner is one of the "most fascinating culinary minds of our era". Blue immediately talks about what Simon is pulling out of a wok full of hot oil. We both assume it's a crab cake.
• You can almost hear Blue's eyes rolling as Burger calls the chinois strainer English is seen using the hat the Scarecrow wore in The Wizard of Oz.
• Simon pours some tequila into a bowl with some crab meat in it. Naturally for the rock and roll chef, he's using rock star Sammy Hagar's brand of tequila.
• Spot-on explanation about how ceviche is made by Blue.
• We see Shatner stroll into English's kitchen and help himself to a spoonful of caviar. His shit-eating grin shows it's good to be the Chairman and the Shat.
• English wisely plays up to Shatner, and after seeing the commentators gesturing, runs over to them and tosses them some caviar to sample as well. We don't see Blue's reaction, but Burger's not a fan.
• Twenty minutes remaining. English is seen handling a sea urchin to be used in a soup that will be served in a half coconut shell. A very tropical presentation.

Burger:"Is a sea urchin edible?
Blue: "There's a part of a sea urchin that's edible. You want to know what part it is?"
Burger:"What part is that?"
Blue:"It's called the gonads."

• Right on cue, a gong gets struck. Blue shouts "Yes!" and starts laughing - good to see he's getting into the spirit of things.
• We get another slow-motion reply, this time of English throwing a pinch of salt into a bowl from behind his back. It wasn't that impressive the first time.
• Fifteen minutes left in the competition, and we see Simon drizzling some of the concoction he made earlier onto some crab meat. English has pulled a layer cake from the oven made out of the pancakes he made.
• It must have smelled amazing in that studio.
• Burger claims he saw some sea urchin uni and roe in one of the kitchens just so he can say "sperm" and "love juices" on national television. After that, I bet Blue regretted saying how delicious uni was.
• Copper cooking pots are strongly recommended by Blue for home cooks because they conduct heat well. Sure they're expensive, but Blue assures us it's worth it in the long run.
• With ten minutes left, Simon amazingly has time for a phone call from Chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten. They didn't mention who this Vongerichten is (mentor? former employer? close personal friend?), or why he talking to Simon, but he's apparently important enough we get to witness their brief conversation.

Biggers: What is that?
Simon: This is a huitlacoche.
Burger: Doesn't she work with Queen Latifah? They got an album coming out with Destiny's Child, huitlacoche...

• Ugh, this fucking guy... To make up for that clunker, someone feeds Burger a description of what huitlacoche actually is. I'll buy Blue knowing this information, but there's no way Burger knew that off the top of his head.
• The final three minutes see the competitors hurrying to plate their entrees. For one of his dishes, English uses some of the shells of the crabs to build what Burger calls a crab condo.
• Simon does a good job of not showing how concerned he is about how long whatever he's making in the ice cream maker is taking.
• The audience is on its feet. No one should be that excited to see a chef put food on a plate unless they're going to eat that food themselves.
• Shatner leads the audience in a countdown of the final seconds.  A sous chef lights some sparklers that were added to English's crab shell constructs just as the clock ticks down.
• Simon looks at his opponent preening with his flaming dish and wonders why he didn't get some fireworks to use. Burger gushes over English's showmanship and questions Simon's confidence in his dishes to Blue's dismay.
• We see Shatner seated at a long table with the judges and he reminds them to "keep an open mind and an open mouth" when making their decisions.
• The rock n roll chef presents six dishes: melon soup; raw crab with garlic, ginger, and sesame oil; a Suzi Wong Cabo Wabo martini; crab cakes with huitlacoche; a spicy crab caramel dip; and sugared crab cakes with an Old Bay sorbet.
• Burger wonders how much the judges plan to eat. Blue reminds him that they have a lot of dishes to sample.
• Vilanch liked how the ingredients of the melon soup didn't complement each other but still worked. The two women also liked how well the sweetness of the melon worked in the soup.
• Famiglietti likes the raw crab dish despite "not being a fan of raw things". Neal is no sushi fan, but she said she liked some Japanese dishes, so we're not sure where she stands on the crab dish she had to judge.
• Burger asks what's in Vilanch's fridge at home. Apparently, it's the head of Anthony Hopkins to the amusement of the audience.
• The Suzi Wong Cabo Wabo martini was well-received taste-wise but lost points from Vilanch because he wasn't sure how you were supposed to eat it (you had to use what looked like corn chips to scoop the crab out of the martini glass and smear a sauce on everything). No explanation of who Suzi Wong is or what she means to the dish.
•  The addition of heirloom tomatoes inside the crab cakes elevated them "beyond the valley of crab cakes", according to Vilanch. They should have given him Burger's job.
• "It's great! Who would have thought caramel and crab?" said the Playboy centerfold. I concur, that seemed to be the oddest dish put forth.
  
  Burger: "I just enjoy Brandi eating, is that wrong? Does that make me a bad person?"
Blue: "...kinda."


• After asking for it. the slow-motion replay we get of Roderick eating confirms Burger is not only a bad person but also a very lonely man as well.
• The commentators seem to think Simon has pulled off making a dessert with crab but the judges haven't said as much yet.
• If watching Roderick eat got Burger excited, watching her lick her spoon after tasting the sorbet must have really gotten him going. He probably asked for a copy of that for later viewing.
  
  Burger: "Kerry, let me ask you a technical question, how did you cut the hole in the top of that crab shell?"
  Simon: "Uhh...with a knife."
  
  
• I'd declare Simon the winner just for that answer alone.
• Everyone but Vilanch gives the sorbet high praise, it was too strange for him. No one said anything about the sugary crab, however.
• Simon receives a standing ovation from the audience as he bows to the judges.
• The Iron Chef responds with six dishes of his own: a Dungeness crab ceviche; a 24-carat gold crustacean flan; a trio of crab soups; a crab leg brochette with a peach glaze; crab served in a small pumpkin; and a scallop and crab mousseline.
• I wonder if the person waving the American flag when English appeared got paid to do so, or is that heartfelt American patriotism. It could be both. 
• The ice bowls the ceviche was served in also had a dry ice component that added a "Star Trek effect"(simulating a beam out?) to the presentation. Vilanch thought the bowl was the "best thing to happen to ice since the Titanic". Neal and Roderick both liked their ceviche, though Neal thought it was too sweet for her taste.  Shatner liked English's blatant sucking up. 
• For such an alleged food authority, Big Willie Chairman's been awfully quiet.
• Gold leaf adds nothing to food other than the appearance of decadence. Famiglietti and Neal were bigger fans of the caviar, and the flan itself.
• English impresses everyone with his presentation as the bowls his trio of soups is being served in (the coconut shells seen earlier and some sea urchin shells) are getting as much praise as the soups themselves, a tortilla soup, a Thai-inspired red curry soup, and a crab nage. 
• The crab leg brochette was served in a contraption that simulated roasting on a grill. English is really pulling out all the stops in this, he took this a lot more seriously than I thought.
• The former baseball player swung and missed with the crab in the pumpkin shell entree as most of the judges find it too salty. Roderick mentioning she adds extra salt to her French fries got a huge cheer from the audience for some reason.
• The scallop and crab mousseline entree still had sparklers lit in it as it arrived at the table. It was spicy but well received.
  
  Vilanch: "You know, a dish like this makes me so happy that I'm such a fat pig."
  
  
• What more needed to be said? English took his bows, as the judges made their decisions and the totals were tallied up.
• Blue and Burger both commend the chefs on their efforts, saying it's too close to call in their opinion. Burger thought English backed up his showboating with his dishes, while Blue appreciated the subtle elegance of Simon's dishes.
• With his arms around each competitor's shoulders, Shatner announces the winner after the requite dramatic pause - Iron Chef American wins it for Iron Chef USA. The points breakdown shows Simon wasn't that far off from English in terms of originality and taste, but English's presentation was where he pulled ahead (97 points to Simon's 79). 
• English drinks in the accolades while Simon congratulates him. In the post-match interviews, Simon doesn't seem that upset over losing, saying it's all a part of the life experience. English is just happy that he finished and that his dishes turned out the way he hoped they would.

Shatner: "A lesson to be learned...do not shrink from individuality, take time to appreciate the unique qualities in yourself and others. Take time to use a different seasoning in your day or simply arrange your world in a unique way...appreciate every moment on the sweet green sphere remembering eating fuels the body...eating well fuels the soul. Never stop looking for the spice of life...good night."

• Of all the ways to end a cooking show, that was definitely one of them. Shatner must have been channeling Jerry Springer's Final Thought with that one. The credits roll as Burger and Blue wish us so long until next time.

BOTTOM LINE: As the original series and the versions that have appeared on Food Network and Netflix have shown, the concept of "Iron Chef" if done properly, is a fun and compelling show to watch. This take on "Iron Chef" just didn't work. Marketing "Iron Chef USA" as if it were a sporting event was a bad choice. For a cooking show, there wasn't a lot of focus on the actual cooking or the ingredients used, which was a major part of the show it was based on. Another part of the original show's appeal was the overdubbing into English that gave the show a quirky charm. They tried to replicate that with some Shatner wackiness, but unfortunately, they only got the bare minimum from Captain Kirk. Blue wasn't interesting enough to carry the show by himself, and Burger's dad jokes weren't funny enough to do so either. Maybe people were still processing the 9-11 attacks and weren't in the mood for a show like this.  As one of the commentators said early in the program, "Well, you know what they say: if you can't stand the heat, well, then change the damn channel." They only made one more episode of Iron Chef USA. Irony sure can be ironic sometimes.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

• Anthony Dias Blue went on to host the Blue Lifestyle Minute on WCBS and KNX.
• Michael Burger went on to host some game shows and was the warmup comedian for the live audience tapings for the sitcom "Hot in Cleveland " - knowing this makes me appreciate all the work Betty White did carrying that show even more.
• Todd English expanded his restaurant empire to the point where he is the 9th highest-earning chef in the world as of 2020, according to Wikipedia.
• Kerry Simon went on to open many restaurants, two of them in the Hard Rock hotels in Las Vegas and Punta Cana. Sadly he died in 2015 of multiple-system atrophy.
• William Shatner continues to do William Shatner things.

Working My Way Through The Works: Gotta Be KD

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road))
Burger Description:"Kraft Dinner & cheddar"
($19.34)

September 20, 2022

Kraft Dinner is bullshit. The macaroni pie my mom would make for Sunday dinners spoiled KD for me forever. I assume the only reason people eat it is that it's cheap and they don't know how to make a proper cheese sauce. When I finally tried the stuff in the blue and yellow box, I never understood its appeal. I don't care what Barenaked Ladies say, "If I Had A Million Dollars" I wouldn't eat that crap ever again. I will admit, seeing all that orange gooeyness on my burger patty made me hope that I would at least get a lot of cheese flavour in my first bite. But the low expectations I had for this meal were quickly met. It didn't taste any cheesier than if I had ordered a regular cheeseburger. Biting into the hamburger, the macaroni added a weird mouthfeel that I was not a fan off. I tried some of the pasta separately. It was like flavourless orange packing foam. As with actual Kraft Dinner, the only way to eat this was with lots of ketchup. Paying almost $20 for something with Kraft mac and cheese on it is ridiculous - the best part of this lunch was the French fries. I get that it's not practical or realistic to expect something a Sicilian grandmother would have made from a burger joint but even using good-tasting macaroni and cheese seems like a mistake to me as a hamburger topping. This is easily the worse hamburger I've eaten so far from the Works. Recommended only for pregnant women with very specific cravings.

1 out of 5 stars

Working My Way Through the Works: Kamikaze

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description:"Jalapeno, chipotle & banana peppers, cheddar cheese & hotter than hell sauce"
April 14, 2022

How hot is too hot? Depends on the person doing the tasting. Some people need to have their eyes watering and sweat coming out of every pore in order to enjoy their meal. Others will consider their food ruined if anything hotter than a cinnamon heart touches their tongue. The burning feeling people get in their mouths when eating peppers comes from a chemical in the peppers that activate a protein that senses heat. This chemical is capsaicin, and when activated, it sends a message to the brain which then sends a jolt of pain back to the affected part of the body. When it comes to spicy food, it's best to err on the side of caution, especially if you're a restaurant that wants repeat business. For this reason, I asked for the hot sauce to be served on the side and was pleased to discover that's how the sauce normally comes with the Kamikaze. A quick taste revealed it was a Thai-style chili sauce with a bit of sweetness to offset its heat - definitely not hotter than hell. I poured a bit of the sauce on the middle of the top bun and dribbled some more on the spot where I was going to take my first bite. The peppers were a nice addition to the burger, with the sauce acting as spicier ketchup. While a bit of sweat did appear on my brow and bald head while eating, it wasn't a crazy amount of heat, just enough for you to notice that it was present. Overall, this cheeseburger was what you want when you looking to try something a bit more peppery than usual - it will open up your sinuses but it will leave your colon intact. 

4 out of 5 stars - those wanting more heat can add their go-to hot sauce to it.   

Working My Way Through The Works: Hamburger Mary

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description:"Real mayo, egg, tomato, cheddar cheese & bacon"
($12.09 + tax)

October 30, 2021

Whether it's from a quail, a duck, or a chicken, if you want to fancy up a dish, you put an egg on it. Why? People on cooking shows always rave about how it adds a nice creaminess to whatever food it's placed on, and it looks so pretty seeing the bright yellow yolk burst out of the fluffy whiteness surrounding it. Still, seeing it on a hamburger is still odd to me, so on my long-overdue return to the Works, I decided to go with the Hamburger Mary.  This was the first time my wife and I have been to a restaurant together since the province lifted the COVID-19 pandemic capacity limits. It didn't take long before we were seated after we were screened for proof of vaccination, a process that wasn't as time-consuming or invasive as the anti-vaccine crowd would have you believe. Biting into my hamburger when it arrived was a bit of a surprise for me as I was expecting my first bite to end with egg yolk dribbling into my beard. But the fried egg on my patty was more like biting into the egg of a breakfast sandwich from a fast-food place, rubbery and firm. I don't usually put mayo on my hamburgers, so I couldn't tell if the healthy dollop of mayonnaise on my bun was homemade or from a jar. Everything else about the burger was fine - the patty was cooked, the Cheddar cheese and bacon added flavour, and the tomato slice added freshness to every bite. As always, I went with the onion rings with Beechhouse sauce as my side. Overall, it was a decent cheeseburger, but putting an egg on it didn't elevate it as much as you would expect it to. I now get why chefs use cooking eggs to test a new employee's cooking technique - if you can't get the timing and temperature for a fried egg right, don't bother adding it to a hamburger.

2.5 out of 5 stars 

Magic Molecule: Turning Science Into Ice Cream

The first warm spring weekend of the year sent the Franklins out in search of ice cream. With the lines at downtown ice cream parlours out the door, a lot of other people had the same idea as well. It looked like we were going to have to enjoy the sunshine with freezer-burned frozen treats from a convenience store until I remembered Magic Molecule. Part of a chain based in Hong Kong, it's a place I've been wanting to visit ever since I heard they use liquid nitrogen to make ice cream. Nitrogen is odourless and non-toxic, and at a temperature of -196℃ in liquid form, it can rapidly freeze fresh milk, cream, and flavorings into ice cream. Watching the man nonchalantly fill his pressurized canister with LN₂ as misty vapour surrounded him didn't diminish how exciting it was to wait for our orders to be made. My wife Dawn went with a scoop of hazelnut while our son decided on two scoops of their mango ice cream. Both of them enjoyed their choices, saying their ice cream was smooth, light, and refreshing. I considered ordering a cone of some sort for myself until I saw the sign for their Dragon's Breathe dessert. Intrigued by food that comes with a warning and specific eating instructions, the plastic cup of liquid nitrogen enhanced cheese puffs I received was the most fun food I've eaten in decades - it's as much fun as slurping up spaghetti was for the first time. This unique establishment is worth a visit if you ever liked watching Bill Nye do science experiments on television or if you're looking for a different take on your next sorbet, bubble tea, or waffle cone.
   

Dining Out Redux

If I had known how long it would be before I could sit in a restaurant again, I would have ordered something to eat.

On what was my last Friday working from an office downtown, I was in a meeting that March afternoon listening to the plans for dealing with a virus that days before wasn't considered a cause for concern. We were told those who could work from home should prepare to do so for the following week; those like myself who weren't set up for remote work (they wouldn't let me telework because I was on loan from another department) were to receive instructions on Monday about whether or not to come into the office. Heading home, I decided to stop at Bier Market on a whim; I guess subconsciously I knew it was going to a while before I would be downtown again. That week, there were fewer people than usual milling around the area of Metcalfe and O'Connor, with the lack of toilet paper and hand sanitizer being a major topic of conversation. There were a  handful of patrons scattered throughout the eating area, no 5 o'clock rush to speak of.  I sat at the bar and ordered a Lagunitas IPA while watching sports highlights. As dead as it was, I assumed business would pick up as the afternoon turned into evening. Feeling good enough to face the clusterfuck that is waiting for a bus at Blair station during rush hour, I paid my tab and went to Parliament station to go home, thinking I'd stop in again within the next few weeks. That was four months ago - and a lot has changed since then.

We have only recently begun Stage 3 of the province's reopening plan. This allows nearly all businesses in the city to reopen, including gyms, movie theatres, and bars and restaurants for indoor dining; buffet-style dining is still prohibited. Health officials have said we can "safely enjoy the loosening of restrictions" as long as we continue washing our hands, covering our faces, and physical distancing. While the efforts our government put in place to flatten the curve are working better the ones the orange goblin in the United States chose to use, every story about new cases of COVID-19 rising in parts of the U.S. that opened their restaurant doors before we did makes me wonder if the rush to Stage 3 is happening too soon. Still, my curiosity about how local eateries are handling the new dine-in protocols got the best of me, so I made my way back to the last restaurant I went to before Ottawa went on lockdown.

It was around six Sunday evening when I drove downtown. I parked close to World Exchange Plaza, the first time I’ve been near the place since March, as working downtown stopped being an option when I was sent back to my home department where I was set up to work from home. I know that during the best of times you could shoot a cannonball down Sparks and not hit anything for minutes, but it seemed unusually quiet for a summer evening. There were patios set up at some of the restaurants on the way, but no one sitting and eating. With so little foot traffic it was hard to tell if some restaurants decided to close early, or not open at all. I was beginning to think I should have called to see if Bier Market was open, and was relieved to see a table of two on the patio and two hostesses in masks standing by the entrance, with various public health or social distancing warnings on the door to the restaurant behind them. I was asked if wanted to eat outside or inside. Even though the wind was starting to pick up, I chose outside. Viruses like COVID-19 spread through droplets that come out of our bodies when we open our mouths and drop to surfaces or the ground within two metres of us, and then circulate around a room. This isn’t a problem when outside as the droplets are diluted by the atmosphere. This is why Ottawa Public Health suggests we should wear face coverings and why the prime minister suggested we should refrain from speaking moistly back in April; it’s not as stupid sounding when you know why...no, actually, it still sounds cringeworthy. Let’s move on...

I was lead to my table after it was set up at the end of the patio several metres away from the table of two already there. Once seated, I was asked for a contact number for COVID-19 track purposes. Understandable, given we’re still in a pandemic, but still offputting - privacy advocates, take note. Having scanned the menu ahead of time, I went with the Drunken' Duck Wings, and the porter my masked server recommended, the Deschutes Black Butte. Heading inside with my mask on to use the facilities, I was surprised by the social distancing in the men’s room. One person at a time, with no urinals available for use, and only one stall available for both #1 and #2. I’ll assume it’s a similar setup in the ladies’ room, and I can’t see how this isn’t an issue in either toilet when it’s busy. On my way back to my table, I noticed only a face-masked bartender standing behind the bar, with not one person sitting inside eating.

Soon my duck wings arrived with the beer. I didn’t really get any of the “bier” flavour for something that was advertised as beer-braised, and the golden BBQ sauce wasn’t as spicy as I thought it would be, which was disappointing. I did enjoy the porter, the sweet dark bitterness was a nice change from the IPAs I usually drink. While eating, a party of seven came in to celebrate a birthday, but because of the new 6 people per table rule, they had to be split into two tables across from each other. After settling up, I sat and enjoyed being outside on a patio for a bit for a little while longer, then made my way home.

Is it worth going out to eat now? Depends on how badly you want someone else to cook and serve you your food and the food you are eating. Like everything in 2020, dining out means adapting to new rules. Outdoor eating is only a viable option a short time of the year, with staff already noticing the threat of bad weather will keep people from leaving home. Being indoors at a restaurant means having your face covered in some way, and it is expected that you will have a mask on when you're not enjoying your meal. If that is an issue for anyone, they should strongly consider the take-out option. A special dinner date or night out for drinks can be done if everyone follows the protocols put in place. My trip to Bier Market did a lot to alleviate my concerns about what going out to eat in the new normal would be like, but it also reminded me that being in Stage 3 doesn't mean we're out of the woods just yet. It will take a lot of effort on everyone's part before we're back to how things used to be.

Working My Way Through The Works: (Ten Burgers in) SK8R Boy

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

May 12, 2020
Burger Description: "Peanut butter, jack cheese & bacon"
($18.28)

The original plan for this review was supposed to be completely different. I was going to celebrate hitting a double-digit number of these entries by eating at a different Works than the two locations I normally go to, but COVID-19 changed that for the foreseeable future. I couldn't eat the burger I wanted to review as the "Living on the Vedge" has been removed from the menu. So I'm going with a burger I've eaten back in the days before I blogged about food while seeing what all the fuss food delivery services are about after being a longtime holdout.  I had planned to do a pick up at the Orleans location, but The Works' website doesn't offer that service to its Ottawa area locations. Skip The Dishes, Don Draper's favourite service when he pretends to be Canadian is the default delivery option for all the local Works restaurants, but depending on the location, DoorDash and UberEats are also available.  Downloading the app to my phone was easy, and placing the order was straightforward. The app said my food would arrive ASAP, and 31 minutes later, the doorbell rang, and my food was there on the doorstep as I had instructed them to do. What arrived was the Avril Lavigne themed SK8R Boy - remember when people pretended to be appalled that she didn't know who David Bowie was back when she was the next big thing? My hamburger came with a healthy amount of peanut butter, so much I couldn't taste the jack cheese. Not tasting the cheese defeats the purpose of ordering a cheeseburger. The ghetto peanut sauce worked well with the bacon, and it gave the burger the expected nutty flavour, but it needed the kick that makes peanut sauce what it is. The peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth, which was a feeling I don't normally associate with hamburgers. Maybe that was why it was as filling and oddly addictive as it was. The onion rings were crunchy, flavourful, and in my opinion, very underrated as a side order. This is a burger that you need to be in the mood. It was interesting to eat, but I wouldn't order one again. To paraphrase the song it's named after, I say see you later boy, this burger wasn't good enough for me.

2.5 out of 5 stars - You'll get a well-cooked burger, but your enjoyment depends on your love of nut butter.

Working My Way Through The Works: Smokey Mountain

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Smokey BBQ sauce, jack cheese & bacon"
($15.91)

January 28, 2020
It's been a while since I've done one of these - it's good to get back on the burger beat again. Today's hamburger choice was inspired by a podcast I like to listen to. "Jim Cornette's Drive-Thru" is a show where former professional wrestling personality Jim Cornette answers questions about professional wrestling and the pro wrestling industry. He brings a lot of knowledge to these questions as he has worked as a wrestling manager, agent, booker, color commentator, promoter, trainer, and in-the-ring performer for over 30 years. As I was driving home listening to his podcast, he was talking about one of his favourite subjects (other than how much he hates modern wrestling), the promotion he started back in the early 90s called Smoky Mountain Wrestling. SMW followed Cornette's vision that pro wrestling was about good guys battling bad guys through legit athletic competition, and not about outlandish cartoon characters or edgy sex-based storylines or putting people wrapped in barbed wire through tables. Alas, the company folded after four years and has played a factor in making Cornette the controversial curmudgeon that he is today. After fast-forwarding through his latest rant, I decided to order the Smokey Mountain to eat while watching some Smoky Mountain Wrestling, just to see if the fuss he makes about how old-school 'rassling is better than today's product has merit. Heading over to YouTube, I found the very first episode of SMW's television show from February of 1992. There were some familiar faces in action, such as Robert Gibson of the Rock N Roll Express, "Prime Time" Brian Lee, and Barry Horowitz; the main event featured Bobby Fulton of the Fantastics against the Russian Bear Ivan Koloff. And of course, there was Cornette, doing what he does best, talking people into the building, and riling them up with his words. There were no elaborate entrances, no pyrotechnics, and no Jumbrotrons like you see on today's wrestling shows. The matches themselves were nothing special with the star getting the pin over the less popular wrestler with the usual exaggerated punches, kicks, and holds. It was a lot like my hamburger - even though the patty was cooked well done, and the bacon was salty and crunchy, and the cheese melted nicely, and BBQ sauce was spicy, it was still just a bacon cheeseburger with a sauce that reminded me of something I can get from the grocery store. And if that's what you're in the mood for, you will be happy with what you get ordering the Smokey Mountain.  As for Jim Cornette and Smoky Mountain Wrestling, I get that wrestling is still real to a lot of people, and that they long for the days of kayfabe, but at some point, it stops being noble to want to put the toothpaste back into the tube - sometimes you have to accept that the past is the past for a reason.

Smokey Mountain
2.5 out of 5 stars - OK, but there are more interesting items on the menu

Smoky Mountain Wrestling
2.5 out of 5 stars - OK, but I enjoyed watching local promotion C4 Wrestling more

Working My Way Through The Works: Blues Burger

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Blue cheese, blue cheese ranch & bacon"
($11.97)

September 24, 2019
I wasn't planning to review the Blues Burger today, I only made the change after scanning the Lunch Menu specials. Blue cheese has as many detractors as it does defenders.  My wife and son aren't fans of its smell or the idea that it contains mold, but they do like its sharp and salty flavours when I add a bit of it to the cheese sauce I use when making macaroni and cheese. Today I sat in a booth with such great lighting overhead, I wished I was a better photographer. For the first time, I noticed the burger patties for the Lunch Menu look smaller than the other offerings available, but given that they are cheaper than the other burgers available, that's not surprising. The bacon added its usual salty smokiness. While there was lots of the blue cheese dressing on my hamburger, there was only a sprinkling of actual blue cheese. The ranch dressing was a bit on the watery side, but I was surprised at how much blue cheese flavour I got in every bite.  Overall, if you like blue cheese, and you're hungry between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m., you owe it to yourself to give this a try.

4 out of 5 stars - So good you'll wonder why it wasn't named after local boy and legendary Blues Brother Dan Aykroyd.

Working My Way Through the Works: First Date

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters St.)
Burger Description: "Sauteed mushrooms, diced tomatoes, garlic & brie cheese"
($16.18)
August 13, 2019
Having celebrated my anniversary early this month completely influenced my decision to order a burger called the First Date. I'm not sure why it has this name. Is it a good burger to order when on a first date? Are the toppings supposed to impress your date? Sauteed mushrooms are always good on a burger, and tomato and garlic always go well together, I guess that shows you have a grown-up palate; the fresh tomatoes conveys your health-conscious, which a lot of people look for in a potential partner. I still remember how I meet my wife. It was the summer of 2002. After texting one another on Lavalife (the Tinder of its day), we had agreed to meet face to face to see "Men in Black II". I remember spotting her when I arrived at the theatre, she was seated at a table, deeply engrossed in a book she had brought. The book intimated me. I was already feeling nervous meeting this woman with the striking profile picture that caught my eye, I feared that she would pull out her book and go back reading at a moments notice during our date if I didn't make a good impression immediately. What impressed me about my hamburger was the size of my patty, this was easily the biggest hamburger patty I've received to date. It was so large my burger fall apart on me, with the wetness of the toppings not helping matters. That aside, everything came together nicely with this hamburger. As for my first date with my future wife, I must have been particularly charming, as the book was put in her purse after I introduced myself and didn't make another appearance for the rest of the evening.

3.5 out of 5 stars - It just may be the best part of your date.

Working My Way Through The Works: The Tom Green

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Monterey Jack cheese, Beechhouse sauce, bacon & fresh avocado"
($16.61, plus tax)
July 28, 2019

For the uninformed, Tom Green became a celebrity with a show on Ottawa college radio in the early nineties, which lead to a rap career, and an eponymous show on local cable access television that was picked up by the Comedy Network and then MTV. From that, he starred in movies, married and divorced Drew Barrymore, appeared on Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice", and has a host of comedy projects and a tour on the go, with a recent appearance at Yuk Yuks. While Green has received a lot of local and international attention over the years, I can't say I was ever a fan. The one episode of his show on Rogers I saw featured him interviewing a butcher who sang while he worked, and some skit involving him wrapping his head in tinfoil and stumbling up Bank St. bothering anyone unlucky enough to be in his path. I worked with a different singing butcher at the time so the novelty of the interview escaped me, and I've seen more entertaining examples of man-on-the-street buffoonery on television. I've heard stories of him bringing substitute teachers and donut shop patrons to tears of distraction with his schtick, and how he used his radio show to badmouth people who got fed up with him and his antics. I myself recall a member of his entourage (one of his high school friends I'm sure) wanting to engage me in a conversation about how big his penis was while we were in the coat check line at Barrymore's a few years back; I saw Green off to the side with an embarrassed look on his face as I left him and his pornstar pal to themselves. With him lending his celebrity to bring attention to the horrible addition to the Chateau Laurier that has many in the city up in arms, I decided to try the burger named after him. Cheese always makes a hamburger better in my opinion, and the Tom Green burger I received in my takeout order was very cheesy. There was bacon on it because everyone adds bacon to everything and because adding ham or fried baloney to a hamburger named after a comedian might be considered insulting. The avocado was added but wink-wink, nudge-nudge, it was green. I'm over having avocado on a burger - it adds nothing but a mushy texture to the sandwich, which can be improved upon by using guacamole instead. The standout on the burger was the Beechhouse sauce, a garlicky, creamy vegetable-based mayo made in-house, which works great as a burger topping and as a dipping sauce. I regret not ordering extra for the onion rings I added to my meal. To sum up, my meal reminded me of Green's movie "Road Trip" - it was better than I expected it to be and it had its moments, but I wouldn't choose it again in favor of other items on the menu. I may never get the popularity of Tom Green, but Ottawa's favourite class clown does have a decent burger named after him.

3 out of 5 stars - Pair it with the Tom Green Beer if you're a hardcore fan.

Working My Way Through The Works: Beyond A Hipsters Wildest Dreams

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "The worlds first plant-based burger patty, Beyond Burger, topped with caramelized onions, avocado & Havarti cheese."
($16.96)

June 26, 2019
Plant-based meat substitutes are a hot commodity right now in the food world, with every burger joint offering some sort of combination of vegetable protein, canola oil, and flavourings in patty form. At the Works, you get two choices of Beyond Meat burger. I went with the one with cheese on it. My last experience with fake meat didn't go well, as a veggie/tofu hot dog I tried at the Experimental Farm left a lot to be desired. It was less sausage and more a tube-shaped mush with a bun and condiments wrapped around it. I hoped my luck would improve on a particularly busy day for lunch; it's never a good sign when you overhear the servers apologizing for slow service. When my lunch arrived, I gave it more of a once-over than I usually would. I couldn't tell if my patty looked like what I expect a grilled burger to look like under all the melted Havarti and grilled onions. I did see some grill marks on the sides of it, and I didn't want to deconstruct the burger anymore than I had to as it was already so messy.  Though my burger didn't smell like what I've come to expect from a burger, it also didn't smell like something made from peas, which was a plus. The first bite of my lunch took me by surprise, as it had a familiar mouthfeel and texture of a beef patty. Looking at it after biting into it, it didn't "bleed" like a meat patty would, and from the colour the patty, I would have guessed it was cooked sous-vide style first, then grilled to make it more meat-like.

My next surprise was in the flavour. It tasted better than the veggie-dog, and didn't taste like something I knew was made out of plants. But it didn't taste like a juicy burger would either. It was good, but it didn't taste like meat, with the caramelized onions adding that umami flavour it lacked. The avocado didn't do anything other than made the burger messier to eat and would have been better if it was made into guacamole to give the burger more of a kick. Overall, I can see why people are excited about plant-based meat, and in retrospect, I should have ordered a salad as my side dish to complete my vegetarian experience. But in my humble opinion, they're still far from creating something that will satisfy my craving for meat; it was definitely not beyond this carnivore's wildest dreams.

2.5 out of 5 stars - Better than what I expected, but you won't forget you're not eating animal flesh.

Working My Way Through The Works: Dead Ringer

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
Burger Description: "Smoked beef brisket, smokey BBQ sauce, jack cheese & an O-ring"
($11.97)

April 18, 2019
Like my last visit to this location, it wasn't very busy when I arrived on the Thursday before the Easter weekend. Considering how late it was when I arrived, this wasn't a bad thing. I immediately ordered from the lunch specials menu. My lunch came promptly, and I admired its lunchpail elegance while listening to CCR sing about a bathroom on the right. I got another sense of deja vu after my first bite, as it reminded of another hamburger I've ordered here, but with a spicier (and IMHO, better) BBQ sauce, and an onion ring instead of caramelized onions. Other than those changes, it was a dead ringer for a burger the Barking Cow; I see what you did there, well played. I raved about the Barking Cow, so I'm not going to say anything bad about the Dead Ringer. It was a particularly juicy burger, so I was gratefully when my server promptly appeared with extra napkins. I did a doubletake when I realized it was the same server as last time because I remembered his name is the same as my son's.  An appropriate way to end this satisfying out of burger experience.

5 out of 5 stars - A great burger that won't bust a hole in your pocket.

Working My Way Through 'The Works': Bacon You Fancy Huh?

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Aged white cheddar, thick cut maple bacon, bacon roasted tomatoes, arugula & mayo"
($17.27)

April 10, 2019
This is the first burger I've reviewed from the Works' Top Ten Menu, though online, they only show nine burgers. I'll assume it's because no one wants to constantly update the website. The web developer in me finds this lazy and an ineffective way to get information to clients, but the hungry blogger in me knows that restaurants are supposed to be more concerned about food than web content. My burger arrived within 20 minutes, a reasonable time considering how late I arrived during lunch service. I didn't want to pass the time listening to the kitchen staff belting out the tunes piped into the place, so I listen to some podcasts on my phone.  As you can see, they really went heavy with the arugula, but I was too hungry to move it to the other bun for a better picture; there was a lot of bacon under all that salad.  Remember when bacon wasn't the food end-all be all? Bacon suddenly became the ultimate cooking cheat. Need a way to make something taste better?  Wrap it with bacon. Adam Conover of "Adam Ruins Everything" fame believes the hype around bacon is all part of a marketing scheme between fast food companies and pork producers. Who am I to question someone with their own TV show, but I didn't need much convincing that I liked bacon after I tasted it when could chew solid foods - as a kid my favourite was the bacon rind on the slices my parents used to buy from Saslove's in the Market. I don't know how thick the bacon on my lunch was cut, but I can say there was bacon in every bite I had, it was layered it in such a way that I got a taste of salty pork flavour every time.  Bacon roasted tomatoes could mean they wrapped tomatoes with bacon and roasted them, or chopped up the tomatoes and cooked them in bacon grease. Either would be an acceptable end to a mean. Like with meat, aging brings out the flavour in cheese and its sharpness, and it tasted good in this hamburger. I know bacon mayonnaise exists, I'm amazed they didn't add it to this for even more bacon flavour. I didn't get that peppery taste from the arugula, in spite of the amount on my burger. Overall it was an enjoyable hamburger. Pricey, but you get what you pay for. Goes well with a tower of onion rings.

4 out of 5 stars - A good splurge burger to upgrade to when the restaurant Dave Thomas named after his daughter isn't selling the Baconator.

Working My Way Through 'The Works': Barking at My Cow

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception, as these are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Smoked brisket, Barking Squirrel Beer BBQ sauce, caramelized onions, jack cheese & bacon"
($17.27)

The Barking at My Cow

March 6, 2019
Most of the burgers I've eaten at The Works have been from this location. I wouldn't say I'm a regular here though. Once my family and I walked out after being ignored in an empty restaurant on a lazy afternoon. I vented to management, they apologized, and after a couple of months, I went back. Because you got to give a place you like a second chance; like their customers, restaurants have their off moments. I arrived for this meal at around 12:30, and was surprised at how busy it was for a place tucked away in the suburbs. I'll have to remember to get here earlier, this was the crowd I excepted for lunch at the Glebe location. Twenty minutes later, my Barking at My Cow lunch arrived. My first bite was juicy, with the brisket layer an excellent companion to the beef patty. The bacon added a salty, crunchy texture that is always a welcoming addition. I usually go with cheddar when it comes to cheese on a hamburger, but I was fine with the Monterey Jack. As BBQ sauces go, Barking Squirrel makes great beer, though the sauce's spiciness did blend nicely with the sweetness of the onions. Everything about this burger worked for me. This is what you want when you go out to a fancy hamburger joint. I would have loved to have paired a pint my meal with a Barking Squirrel lager but I was teleworking, and I don't drink on the job. Of all the burgers I've eaten here, and of the two I've written about, this is the best I've had to date.

5 out of 5 stars - The burger every other burger will be judged against; this is the measuring stick.

Best song heard while eating: The Who, "I Can See For Miles"

Working My Way Through 'The Works': B.A.B Burger

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
The B.A.B Burger ($15.96)

The B.A.B.

A common gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every popular item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. Today I begin the task of eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.  I went to the location that's closest to my office. Hardly anyone was there when I arrived just after noon, looks like I arrived ahead of the lunch rush. The friendly server who greeted me told me to sit anywhere, so I chose a window seat. However, there wasn't much to see at this end of the Glebe - I wondered if it was as sleepy when this location housed a punk rock venue called Bumpers. With so many choices on the menu, I decided to start alphabetically with the B.A.B burger, a beef burger with Cheddar cheese, fresh tomato, red onion & W Sauce. The B.A.B stands for "Big American Bully" because previously, it had "a name that was kind of similar to another brand's, particularly one with a red-headed, makeup-wearing Stephen King-esque villain", and they had to change it, according to the person who runs their Facebook page. The W sauce is a trade secret, but I could tell there's garlic in it, so I'll assume it's an aioli-like sauce similar to the one the mayor of Flavortown puts on his food. 12:21PM, and still no food, but after a trip to the bathroom, I saw my lunch was waiting for me on my return; I was as happy as Uma Thurman was in "Pulp Fiction" after she returned to her table at Jack Rabbit Slim's (no, I did not powder my nose). The hamburger didn't look anything like that clown restaurant's signature burger, and it didn't taste like it either. The tomato was as flavourful as a fresh tomato can be in the winter, the red onions added their usual sweetness. The W sauce didn't improve or take away from the well-done patty it was on, but getting a small bowl on the side made for a good dipping sauce for the onion rings I ordered.  Overall, I was happy with what I ate, it didn't blow me away (for that, I'd have to order one of the more exotic creations on the menu), but it didn't leave me with that greasy, queasy feeling you can get from eating at Rotten Ronnie's. For that reason alone, we're off to a good start.

3 out of 5 stars - decent, but nothing to write home about.

The MagicalButter machine - Review of a herbal butter making device

While Canada has legalized marijuana, edibles containing marijuana are still prohibited and are not legally available for sale. For those unwilling to wait until the government revisits the issue of edibles in 2019, there is a fast and easy way to make your own edibles so you can ingest marijuana without having to smoke it. The MagicalButter machine is specifically designed for "infusing the essence" of your cannabis (or any other medicinal herb) into butter and oil, among other things, all while being small enough to fit on your kitchen counter. Made of stainless steel and fully automatic, it "...grinds, heats, stirs, and steeps..." the weed into a consistent infusion every time you use it and the recipes that come with the device. It also makes tinctures, is great for infusing alcohols with flavours for faster Limoncellos, and can be used to make skin care products, such as lotions and face creams. I know a guy who knows a gal who sleeps with a guy who has one, and he swears by the thing, saying it's as simple as putting the ingredients in, setting the temperature and time, and letting the machine do its thing. Whatever magical morsels you make is up to you, but please be aware of the health effects of cannabis - start out small, then wait at least 60-90 minutes to see if you're feeling the way you want to feel.

NOTE: I have not been paid by the makes of MagicalButter to produce this blog entry, but if MB World Headquarters wants to send something my way because of this, I won't object.