2017: Food Thoughts and Observations

Happy 2018 everyone. Instead of making resolutions, I'm going to take this opportunity to get some bullshit off my brain about some random thoughts I've had, and some more specific ones about the year that was.

• For all the hand-wringing about the closing of Hy's and Mello's, the Ottawa food scene isn't any better or worse without them.
• Poké may be just deconstructed sushi served on rice in a bowl, but it lives up to the food hype better than the sushi burrito.
• It always pops up on best-of-Ottawa lists, but I've never known anyone who's eaten at Fritomania, and I've lived in Orleans for over 20 years.
• For a city that isn't known as a food destination, we have a lot of food festivals. Not that I'm complaining, I like a summer with several ribfests in between beer festivals.
• Having spent "An Evening with Matty Matheson", I am amazed these celebrity chefs ever had the time to cook what with all the cocaine and alcohol they consume.
• In the upcoming municipal election, a candidate could win my vote by promising to cut the noose the city put around food trucks and treats them like any other restaurant opening within city limits.
• Apparently, drinkable vinegar, snorting chocolate, and using activated charcoal as an ingredient were things in 2017 - who knew?
• The "Riverdale" promotion aside, the only reason anyone should eat at Zak's is they're too drunk or too lazy to go anywhere else.
• Grilling a thick slab of cauliflower may be tasty, but don't call it a steak.
• Nothing wrong with being socially conscious, but do people ever talk about the food at Union 613 anymore?
• If the price of having a meal at the Sky Lounge was what kept you away, fine, but don't use the excuse that it was a lack of a bathroom. Would being able to use a Port-a-Potty 45 metres up really make you feel more comfortable?
• Anyone who has ever pondered whether a hot dog is or is not a sandwich has too much time on their hands (The answer, of course, is 'who cares?').
• "Lucky Peach" was too good for this (publishing) world.
• I do not understand the devotion people have for Perkins. It's a waffle house without any of the interesting late-night clientele. 
• Never order jambalaya from an Irish pub; more specifically, don't order the jambalaya from the Audubliner Pour House. Tasting that slop was not the way to end a Franklin-family outing to see La Machine.
• I loved Jules in "Pulp Fiction", but I got to side with Vincent, bacon and pork chops taste good; not as good as pumpkin pie, but better than a sewer rat.
• I don't think anyone could have predicted the reaction “Rick and Morty” would have over McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce; some of these people lose their damn minds over this. 
• The need to turn Guy Fieri from being a culinary punchline to a celebrity chef supergenius doesn't hide that's he's a goofball with cheesy theme restaurants, and is the most annoying thing on his shows, no matter how much cooking and business acumen he has.
• Can someone explain to me why the owner of the Black Tomato made protest T-shirts for his employees to wear when he's closing the restaurant? Was it worth wasting those profits on a stupid stunt to get people to feel sorry for him?
• Who would have thought that the best way to sell something overtly sweet and colourful was to add the word "unicorn" to it?
• I wouldn't put my faith in Pepper Potts' claims about food without more scientific evidence, but I look forward to seeing her in the next "Avengers" movie.
• Atelier, the Morning Owl, Dumpling Park - if there are three better restaurants that close to one another in Ottawa, I'd like to know who and where they are.