Dishwasher Cooking

Your dishwasher is a lot more versatile than you think. Not only does it make cleaning up after a meal that much easier, but it can also be used as a way to cook the food that will go on the plate. At the regular setting, dishwashers clean with water at around 50–70°C depending on which stage of the dishwashing cycle they're at, and at around 60–70°C during the drying stage. Preparing meats and vegetables in a dishwasher would allow them to be cooked at a precise temperature in a liquid bath for a long period of time, similar to poaching them or cooking them in a sous-vide machine. And the best part about cooking with this method is as long as you tightly seal your food in either aluminum foil, vacuum-sealed food bags, or waterproof sealable glass jars, it can be done either in an empty dishwasher if you're worried about getting soap in your food, or while running a full load of dishes. Still not convinced about giving dishwasher cooking a try? It was the preferred method of cooking salmon of Vincent Price, a famous actor who was a gourmet cook when he wasn't playing Dracula or supplying the laugh at the end of "Thriller". So give these recipes a try whenever you feel like cooking something but you don't want to be in front of an oven; it's like your not going to start hand-drying all those dirty dishes.

Vegetables

100 g of asparagus, carrots, fresh peas, green beans, or spinach
5 g grainy mustard (5 g butter can also be used)
250 mL water
Pinch of salt and pepper

Put everything together in a Mason jar or any jar that has a sturdy screw-on lid. Seal the jar and give it a good shake. Place the jar on the top rack of your dishwasher, and set to a normal washing cycle (at least 40 minutes, do not use the "economy", "cool dry" or "potscrubber" settings). Be careful removing jars — they will be hot.

Seafood

1 dozen shrimp, shelled and deveined (scallops, clams, or mussels can be substituted)
1 clove garlic, chopped
250 mL  white wine
125 mL water
5 g butter
Pinch of salt and pepper

As with the vegetables, put everything together in a Mason jar or any jar that has a sturdy screw-on lid. Seal the jar and give it a good shake. Place the jar on the top rack of your dishwasher, and set to a normal washing cycle (at least 40 minutes, do not use the "economy", "cool dry" or "potscrubber" settings). Be careful removing jars — they will be hot.

Quick Compote

100 g strawberries (or other berries of your choice)
125 mL water
15 mL maple syrup
Pinch of cinnamon

Combine the berries, cinnamon, maple syrup, water in a Mason jar or any jar that has a sturdy screw-on lid. Seal the jar and give it a good shake. Place the jar on the top rack of your dishwasher, and set to a normal washing cycle (at least 40 minutes, do not use the "economy", "cool dry" or "potscrubber" settings). Serve on ice cream. Be careful removing jars — they will be hot.

Salmon
(Note - this is the recipe used by the foremost expert on cooking fish in a dishwasher, Bob Blumer.)

4 salmon fillets (about 170 g each)
60 mL freshly squeezed lemon juice
Pinch of salt and pepper

Piquant Dill Sauce

2 leeks, white part only, finely chopped, then thoroughly washed
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeno, finely diced seeds and membranes removed
250 mL vegetable or chicken stock
60 mL sour cream
30 mL freshly squeezed lemon juice
30 g butter
15 g lightly packed fresh dill, stems removed before measuring
2 g salt
1.5 g freshly ground black pepper

1. Cut two square sheets of aluminium foil, big enough for two fillets on each. Place the fillets side by side on each square and fold up the outer edges. Drizzle the lemon juice over each fillet and season with salt and pepper.
2. Fold and pinch the aluminium foil extra tightly to create a watertight seal around each pair of fillets. Make sure the packet is airtight by pressing down on it gently with your hand. If air escapes easily, rewrap.
3. Place the foil packets on the top rack of the dishwasher. Run dishwasher for a normal washing cycle (at least 40 minutes, do not use the "economy", "cool dry" or "potscrubber" settings). When the cycle is complete, take out the salmon (be careful, it's hot), discard the foil, and place one fillet on a plate, with a generous serving of dill sauce overtop.
   
   Sauce
4. Melt the butter over medium heat in a saute pan. Add the leek, jalapeno, and garlic and saute for about 5 minutes, or until the leeks are translucent but not brown. Reduce heat to medium and add the stock. Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes. (Adjust heat as required to maintain the simmer.) The liquid should reduce by half. Remove the pan from the heat and let it cool.
5. Transfer the pan contents to a blender or food processor, then add the dill, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Puree until smooth. Reserve and reheat just before serving. Stir in the sour cream at the last minute.

Better Late Than Never: How To Fry A Turkey

Moist and flavourful turkey is always the goal for Thanksgiving, so after hearing about how much of a life-changing experience frying a turkey is, I decided that was how I was going to prepare the Franklin family meal this year. As I planned to cook the bird on the Sunday before Thanksgiving (we do Turkey Day on the second Monday in October in Canada because our aboriginals harvested their crops earlier than the ones who got screwed over by the Americans did), I started my prep on Saturday by acquiring a turkey fryer from a local rental company. When I got back home, I had to determine how much oil was needed to fry the turkey the three of us planned to eat. To do this, I put the frozen turkey we had in the big ass pot that came with the turkey fryer and filled it with water until the turkey was completely submerged, then marked the water level on the inside of the pot with a pencil. With that done, I turned my attention to the turkey.

Because oil and water don't mix, I needed to be certain that my turkey had no ice in it. When the ice from a frozen turkey meets hot oil, it turns to steam instantly and expands several hundred times its original volume. This much pressure can cause the oil to bubble over and I really didn't want to deal with angry neighbours, property damage, severe injury and a visit from the fire department if the oil made contact with any flames. So if you try this, remember:

YOU ARE DEALING WITH BOILING OIL  - DO NOT LEAVE IT UNATTENDED!

Once the turkey was thawed out, I dried the inside and outside of it with paper towels, and seasoned it with a rub made from Old Bay, poultry seasoning, and paprika. I stuck it back in the fridge until I was ready for it.

When it was time to cook, and I started filling the pot with oil, I soon saw that the four 3 L bottles of sunflower oil I had were nowhere near the amount I needed. I was forced to make a quick run to the grocery store for some more, but even with the extra oil I bought, I didn't have enough to cover our turkey. Not wanting to head back to the store again, I decided to make do with what I had; this just meant I would now have to turn the turkey at various points to ensure it was completely cooked through. After setting up the fryer on the stone patio in the backyard (DO NOT SET UP A TURKEY FRYER  INSIDE OR ON A WOODEN DECK) and attaching the propane tank from my BBQ to the turkey fryer I rented, I fired it up and waited for the oil to heat up. I thought I had hooked up everything correctly, but it seems to take a long time for anything to happen. So again I had to improvise. I pulled my BBQ to the patio, reattached the tank, and placed the pot on the BBQ grill. As I knew how to start that cooking appliance, I was soon back in business.

I had to get the oil up to 190 degrees. If the oil starts to emit black smoke, that's a sign it's getting near its smoke point, and the temperature needs to be lowered. After confirming the oil hit the recommended 190 C, I carefully placed the turkey in the boiling oil.

As the turkey fried, I settled into a lawn chair with my laptop and watched the Jets pull off the upset and beat the Cowboys; I owe it all to my frying of the turkey. Every 20 minutes or so, I would flip the bird (HA!) to make sure the parts that weren't submerged in oil were cooked. After about 70 minutes of cooking, I went to check the turkey's doneness with my thermometer. I wish I had thought about how I would get the turkey out of the pot. I wished I had a bamboo skimmer as the tongs and fork combo I was forced to use was awkward. The turkey may have come apart on me, but I look at it as it saved me some carving time.

It was a beautiful golden brown and other than the oil I drained from the cavity, not as oily as I thought it would be. The turkey needed to rest for at least 20 minutes to allow it to finish cooking, so I placed it on a rack and cover it with aluminum foil. I reaped the rewards of my efforts when it was time to eat, as the meat was as tender and juicy as advertised. If you're looking for a fast way to make a great turkey that gives you space in your oven for side dishes, I highly recommend you give this method a try, it lives up to the hype.

Working My Way Through The Works: Blues Burger

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Blue cheese, blue cheese ranch & bacon"
($11.97)

September 24, 2019
I wasn't planning to review the Blues Burger today, I only made the change after scanning the Lunch Menu specials. Blue cheese has as many detractors as it does defenders.  My wife and son aren't fans of its smell or the idea that it contains mold, but they do like its sharp and salty flavours when I add a bit of it to the cheese sauce I use when making macaroni and cheese. Today I sat in a booth with such great lighting overhead, I wished I was a better photographer. For the first time, I noticed the burger patties for the Lunch Menu look smaller than the other offerings available, but given that they are cheaper than the other burgers available, that's not surprising. The bacon added its usual salty smokiness. While there was lots of the blue cheese dressing on my hamburger, there was only a sprinkling of actual blue cheese. The ranch dressing was a bit on the watery side, but I was surprised at how much blue cheese flavour I got in every bite.  Overall, if you like blue cheese, and you're hungry between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m., you owe it to yourself to give this a try.

4 out of 5 stars - So good you'll wonder why it wasn't named after local boy and legendary Blues Brother Dan Aykroyd.

Legends of Canadian Pastry: The Sugar Pie

The Sweet Canada: Domestic stamps series

This Thanksgiving weekend, consider ending your holiday feast with a dessert rooted in French culture. For the early settlers of Québec, brown sugar was rare, and it something needs to be sweet, maple syrup was the only available sweetener  While the tarte au sucre is a common pastry in France, the use of maple sugar or syrup is what gives the French-Canadian version its distinct taste. With the recipe below, you can quickly see why this treat has been enjoyed for centuries.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Ingredients

1 pre-made pie crust
(If you have a favourite homemade pie crust recipe, feel free to use it; if you need one, here's a good recipe.)
1 egg
375 mL amber maple syrup
125 mL 35% heavy cream
15 g cornstarch
15 g unbleached all-purpose flour

1. Preheat the oven to 200°C. Adjust the rack in your oven to the lowest position.
2. Combine the cornstarch and flour in a bowl. Add the maple syrup and whisk until the mixture is smooth and the cornstarch has dissolved completely. Add the cream and egg. Whisk everything until smooth and pour into the prepared pie crust.
3. Bake for at least 45 minutes or until the filling has set. A good test is to shake the pie back and forth a bit. If the center is still liquid, it needs to bake some more. When shaking produces a movement that looks like soft pudding, it’s ready. Let cool at room temperature for at least 2 hours before serving.

The Get It Together BBQ Grilled Cheese Sandwich

You never know you'll find at your local public library until you look. I was pleasantly surprised to find "Beastie Boys Book" waiting for me at the pick-up shelf, I had reserved it so long ago I had forgotten I wanted to check it out. It was through my best friends in elementary school back in the 80s that I discovered the groundbreaking white rappers; it was around the same time I got into their future touring partners in RUN-DMC. The beat from the streets of New York made quite the impression to three kids in Ottawa's suburbs. "Brass Monkey", "Paul Revere", and the classic anthem "Fight For Your Right (To Party)" were my favourite songs from Ad-Rock, Mike D, and the late MCA, but I drifted away from the Beasties by the time "Paul's Boutique" came out. Other than "Hey Ladies", I didn't care for the sample-heavy future masterpiece that it was (all I wanted was another "Licensed to Ill"), but I have liked at least one single from every album they've put out since "Check Your Head". Though mostly written by the surviving members, the memoir includes entries by some of their famous fans turned friends, such as celebrity chef Roy Choi. As the Mac My Cheese Fest is happening this week, I thought I'd pay tribute to one of the recipes Choi contributed to this absolute must-have for any serious Beastie Boys fan; grill these up the next time you're listening to "Sabotage", or if you're still hungry after you check out the festival.

Ingredients:

250 g shredded cheddar cheese
230 g dry macaroni
225 g butter
250 mL of your favourite BBQ sauce
125 mL milk
60 mL olive oil
1 loaf of sourdough or white bread
1 pineapple, peeled and cored

1. Cook the macaroni in boiling water according to the directions on the package. In another saucepan, melt the cheese over low heat with the milk. Mix the drained macaroni and the cheese sauce together and set aside.
2. Drizzle the pineapple with the olive oil, and sprinkle with a bit of sugar and salt. Roast at 177 °C until brown and soft, for about half an hour. Take it out, chop it up,, and puree it in a blender with a splash of water. Add the pineapple mixture to the BBQ sauce and combine.
3. Spread the butter on the outside of the bread slices, then layer the macaroni mixture inside. Drizzle the BBQ all over the macaroni, then close the sandwich. Cook the sandwich on a griddle on low heat until each slice is crispy.

Making Junk Food Healthy Again - Kale Chips

Kale was the leafy green vegetable that was everyone's best friend in the early 2010s. It is very high in nutrients and very low in calories, making it one of the most nutrient-dense foods you can buy in the produce department.  From the same family that gives us cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, collard greens, and Brussels sprouts, people fell in love kale around 2012 when it started appearing on trendy restaurant menus and in trendier food blogs  While kale can be added to soups, stews, pestos, and casseroles, or blended in smoothies, a popular use of this vegetable is as a potato chip substitute. Using the simple recipe found in "The 4-Hour Chef", there's no reason to not whip up a batch before the big game or for your next Netflix binge.

Ingredients:

1 bunch of kale
extra virgin olive oil
sea salt

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Tear or cut the kale leaves into bite-size pieces (you don't need the stems, they can be thrown away).
2. Rinse and dry the leaves completely, using either a salad spinner or paper towels. Once dry, put the kale in a bowl and drizzle some olive oil over it. Toss the kale to ensure all the leaves are covered.
3. Place the kale on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Give the kale pieces enough space so that they don't overlap. Sprinkle the sea salt (or chili powder, paprika, Old Bay, garlic powder, lemon zest, if you prefer) over the leaves. 
4. Put the baking tray in the oven for 15 minutes, then try one of the pieces. If they need more crisping, leave them in the oven for another five minutes - you're looking for lightly browned edges, not burnt toast.

DIY Fried Chicken Sandwich

The creation of a fried chicken sandwich from Popeyes has caused fried chicken lovers across the United States to lose their damn minds. The hype over this sandwich has caused people to pull out guns upon learning their local restaurant has sold out of the sandwich; because of the different partners and suppliers used in this country, Canada won't see this sandwich anytime soon. So what's a hungry Canadian supposed to do in the meantime? One could wait until the sandwich makes its way up here, or they could go across the border and hope for the best, but I propose that people save time and money by making the sandwich with the recipe below. It may not be the real thing, but you can make it Louisiana fast and enjoy it until Popeyes gets its act together.

Ingredients:

4 hamburger buns or medium-sized brioche buns
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
720-960 mL canola oil for frying
240 mL buttermilk
5 g each paprika, garlic powder, black pepper, salt
240 g flour
120 g corn starch
15 g each paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper
5 g each salt, pepper
120 g mayonaisse
5 g hot sauce
5 g paprika or cajun or taco seasoning
2.5 g garlic powder
Sliced pickles

1. Pound the chicken breasts in between two pieces of parchment paper or plastic wrap. Cut each chicken breast in half crosswise to make 2 small pieces of chicken about the same size as the bun.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the buttermilk and the 5-gram portions of the paprika, garlic powder, salt, and black pepper. Add the chicken to the mix and place in the fridge to marinate up to 24 hours or use right away. 
3. In a medium shallow bowl, whisk the flour, cornstarch, and the 15-gram portions of the paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, and cayenne pepper (if you want it spicy) together. Drizzle 2-3 tablespoons of the buttermilk batter into the flour mixture and mix it through with a fork.
4. Heat oil in a large heavy-duty skillet or pot on medium temperature or until the temperature reaches 176°C. Working with a piece at a time, dredge the chicken in the flour mixture and press some of the flour on the top of the chicken breast to form a thick crust. Transfer the chicken to hot oil and fry for 3-5 minutes per side or until the outside is crispy and golden and the internal temperature reaches 75°C. 
5. Melt some butter in a large saucepan and toast the buns face down until golden and crisp. In a small bowl whisk the mayonnaise, the hot sauce, and the remaining spices together and spread a generous layer of the spicy mayo on each bun. Add the chicken and the pickles and serve immediately.
   
   Note: Popeyes might disagree, but I like to add some bacon and some shredded lettuce when I feel like a fried chicken sandwich. 

Working My Way Through the Works: First Date

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters St.)
Burger Description: "Sauteed mushrooms, diced tomatoes, garlic & brie cheese"
($16.18)
August 13, 2019
Having celebrated my anniversary early this month completely influenced my decision to order a burger called the First Date. I'm not sure why it has this name. Is it a good burger to order when on a first date? Are the toppings supposed to impress your date? Sauteed mushrooms are always good on a burger, and tomato and garlic always go well together, I guess that shows you have a grown-up palate; the fresh tomatoes conveys your health-conscious, which a lot of people look for in a potential partner. I still remember how I meet my wife. It was the summer of 2002. After texting one another on Lavalife (the Tinder of its day), we had agreed to meet face to face to see "Men in Black II". I remember spotting her when I arrived at the theatre, she was seated at a table, deeply engrossed in a book she had brought. The book intimated me. I was already feeling nervous meeting this woman with the striking profile picture that caught my eye, I feared that she would pull out her book and go back reading at a moments notice during our date if I didn't make a good impression immediately. What impressed me about my hamburger was the size of my patty, this was easily the biggest hamburger patty I've received to date. It was so large my burger fall apart on me, with the wetness of the toppings not helping matters. That aside, everything came together nicely with this hamburger. As for my first date with my future wife, I must have been particularly charming, as the book was put in her purse after I introduced myself and didn't make another appearance for the rest of the evening.

3.5 out of 5 stars - It just may be the best part of your date.

Legends of Canadian Pastry - The Blueberry Grunt

The Sweet Canada: Domestic stamps series

When it's time for some baking therapy in Atlantic Canada, some people like to make blueberries grunt. The grunting comes from the sounds made when cooking this dessert of tea biscuit dumplings cooked in blueberries. Also known as a “slump” or “fungy” (this dessert gets the short end of the stick when it comes to names), the blueberry grunt was first made either by early colonial settlers as an adaptation of British pudding using local ingredients, or as a food cobbled together by the Acadians from what they foraged in the area.  In any case, this recipe is a tasty way to take advantage of the anti-inflammatory properties, antioxidants, vitamin C and potassium that blueberries have to offer.

Ingredients

400 g blueberries (fresh or frozen)
280 g flour
225 g sugar (To cut back on sweetness, use 3⁄4 the amount instead)
115 g butter
14 g baking powder
4 g sugar
2 g salt
120 mL milk
5 mL lemon or lime juice
1 egg

Note: Measurement conversions from Cook It Simply/ 

1. Preheat the oven to 220 °C. Pour the blueberries into an oven-safe deep-dish pie plate and add the citrus juice and the larger amount of sugar. Stir well, then place the pie plate in the oven and bake uncovered, 10 to 15 minutes if you are using fresh berries, 20 minutes for frozen berries. 
2. While the berries are in the oven, whisk in a large bowl the flour, baking powder, salt, and the remaining sugar. Break the butter into small pieces and add to the mixture in the bowl. Combine the butter into the flour mixture with a fork until the butter and mixture have formed small crumbly pieces. Crack the egg into a measuring cup and top with milk until you hit the  3⁄4 cup mark. Mix the egg and milk together with a fork, then add it to the flour mixture and blend with a fork until everything is combined — mix in any remaining dry bits by hand. 
3. Take the blueberries out of the oven. Using a  1⁄4 cup measuring cup (or your largest spoon), scoop out the biscuit dough from the bowl, and arrange on top of the hot berries - you should get about 11 biscuits. Carefully cover the dish tightly with aluminum foil and put it back in the oven to bake for 15 minutes. 
4. Remove the dish from the oven and carefully remove the foil, then place back in the oven and continue to bake, uncovered, for 10 minutes or until the biscuits are lightly golden. Take the dish out of the oven, and allow it to cool for 10 minutes or so —the longer the grunt sits, the more blueberry liquid the biscuits will soak up. Serve hot or warm, ideally with either ice cream or whipped cream either as a dessert or for breakfast.

Working My Way Through The Works: The Tom Green

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Monterey Jack cheese, Beechhouse sauce, bacon & fresh avocado"
($16.61, plus tax)
July 28, 2019

For the uninformed, Tom Green became a celebrity with a show on Ottawa college radio in the early nineties, which lead to a rap career, and an eponymous show on local cable access television that was picked up by the Comedy Network and then MTV. From that, he starred in movies, married and divorced Drew Barrymore, appeared on Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice", and has a host of comedy projects and a tour on the go, with a recent appearance at Yuk Yuks. While Green has received a lot of local and international attention over the years, I can't say I was ever a fan. The one episode of his show on Rogers I saw featured him interviewing a butcher who sang while he worked, and some skit involving him wrapping his head in tinfoil and stumbling up Bank St. bothering anyone unlucky enough to be in his path. I worked with a different singing butcher at the time so the novelty of the interview escaped me, and I've seen more entertaining examples of man-on-the-street buffoonery on television. I've heard stories of him bringing substitute teachers and donut shop patrons to tears of distraction with his schtick, and how he used his radio show to badmouth people who got fed up with him and his antics. I myself recall a member of his entourage (one of his high school friends I'm sure) wanting to engage me in a conversation about how big his penis was while we were in the coat check line at Barrymore's a few years back; I saw Green off to the side with an embarrassed look on his face as I left him and his pornstar pal to themselves. With him lending his celebrity to bring attention to the horrible addition to the Chateau Laurier that has many in the city up in arms, I decided to try the burger named after him. Cheese always makes a hamburger better in my opinion, and the Tom Green burger I received in my takeout order was very cheesy. There was bacon on it because everyone adds bacon to everything and because adding ham or fried baloney to a hamburger named after a comedian might be considered insulting. The avocado was added because, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, it was green. I'm over having avocado on a burger - it adds nothing but a mushy texture to the sandwich, which can be added and improved on by using guacamole instead. The standout on the burger was the Beechhouse sauce, a garlicky creamy vegetable-based mayo that's made in-house and works great as a burger topping and as a dipping sauce; I regret not ordering extra for the onion rings I added to my meal. To sum up, my meal reminded me of Green's movie "Road Trip" - it was better than I expected it to be and it had its moments, but I wouldn't choose it again in favor of other things on the menu. I may never get the popularity of Tom Green, but Ottawa's favourite class clown does have a decent burger named after him.

3 out of 5 stars - Pair it with the Tom Green Beer if you're a hardcore fan.

Cooking Asparagus Backwards

Roasted, blanched, sautéd, steamed, grilled -  everyone has their favourite way to cook asparagus. While those methods are fine, there is a way of cooking this vegetable that's been popular since the days of ancient Rome.  Found in the world's oldest surviving cookbook, "Apicius De Re Coquinaria," is a collection of Imperial Roman recipes, compiled around the first century A.D. One of them recommends cooking the asparagus in boiling water “rursum,” which is translated to mean “backwards”, or stood stalk-side down in boiling water that doesn’t reach all the way up the stalk. Done this way, you get the stalks tenderized by the boiling water, while the tips are tenderized by the steam. It may take longer than most methods, but it can be made in the background while preparing other dishes, and it's worth appreciating a cooking technique that has stood up so well to the test of time.

Ingredients and Equipment:

1 bunch of asparagus
Mason jar or any jar with a wide opening
heavy cream^*
butter^*
cloves of garlic^*
lemon juice^*
pinch of nutmeg^*
salt^*

* - optional

1. Place the asparagus in a dry jar. If you want to add some flavour to your asparagus, fill the jar with a mix of the remaining ingredients. 
2. Put the jar in a large stockpot, and add water to the pot water until the level is about 5 cm lower than the top of the jar. Move the stockpot to the stovetop, and let the water boil.
3. Remove the jar from the water after about 25 minutes. You'll know they're done when the tips start to droop. Feel free to dip the tips in the jar if you added the flavoring ingredients.

Working My Way Through The Works: Beyond A Hipsters Wildest Dreams

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "The worlds first plant-based burger patty, Beyond Burger, topped with caramelized onions, avocado & Havarti cheese."
($16.96)

June 26, 2019
Plant-based meat substitutes are a hot commodity right now in the food world, with every burger joint offering some sort of combination of vegetable protein, canola oil, and flavourings in patty form. At the Works, you get two choices of Beyond Meat burger. I went with the one with cheese on it. My last experience with fake meat didn't go well, as a veggie/tofu hot dog I tried at the Experimental Farm left a lot to be desired. It was less sausage and more a tube-shaped mush with a bun and condiments wrapped around it. I hoped my luck would improve on a particularly busy day for lunch; it's never a good sign when you overhear the servers apologizing for slow service. When my lunch arrived, I gave it more of a once-over than I usually would. I couldn't tell if my patty looked like what I expect a grilled burger to look like under all the melted Havarti and grilled onions. I did see some grill marks on the sides of it, and I didn't want to deconstruct the burger anymore than I had to as it was already so messy.  Though my burger didn't smell like what I've come to expect from a burger, it also didn't smell like something made from peas, which was a plus. The first bite of my lunch took me by surprise, as it had a familiar mouthfeel and texture of a beef patty. Looking at it after biting into it, it didn't "bleed" like a meat patty would, and from the colour the patty, I would have guessed it was cooked sous-vide style first, then grilled to make it more meat-like.

My next surprise was in the flavour. It tasted better than the veggie-dog, and didn't taste like something I knew was made out of plants. But it didn't taste like a juicy burger would either. It was good, but it didn't taste like meat, with the caramelized onions adding that umami flavour it lacked. The avocado didn't do anything other than made the burger messier to eat and would have been better if it was made into guacamole to give the burger more of a kick. Overall, I can see why people are excited about plant-based meat, and in retrospect, I should have ordered a salad as my side dish to complete my vegetarian experience. But in my humble opinion, they're still far from creating something that will satisfy my craving for meat; it was definitely not beyond this carnivore's wildest dreams.

2.5 out of 5 stars - Better than what I expected, but you won't forget you're not eating animal flesh.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: The Bloody Caesar

Though beer is the more traditional drink most Canadians consume when celebrating Canada's birthday, a more patriotic drink would be the Bloody Caesar. According to legend, the popular cocktail was invented in 1969 by restaurant manager Walter Chell of the Calgary Inn (today the Westin Hotel) in Calgary to commemorate the inauguration of an Italian restaurant. Inspired by his native Italy and the Bloody Mary, he reasoned that mixing clams and tomatoes would make a good drink, as a popular dish in Venice was spaghetti alle vongole, spaghetti with tomato sauce and clams. The drink was called the Caesar in honour of his Italian heritage, and within five years, it had become Calgary's most popular potent potable. In a case of perfect timing, Mott's was independently developing Clamato, a mixture of clam and tomato juices, around the same time the Caesar was invented, and sales of Clamato increased after the company's distributors discovered Chell's drink. Today Clamato is synonymous with the cocktail, with it popular at bars along the Canada–United States border, with bartenders constantly topping each other by adding wilder and more elaborate garnishes to it. See what you can come up with after beginning with the tried-and-true classic recipe:

Ingredients:

120 mL Mott’s Clamato Original Cocktail
30 mL your favourite vodka
15 g celery salt
15 g fresh cracked pepper
4 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 dashes your favourite hot sauce
celery stalk
ice cubes
lime wedge

1. Mix the celery salt, and the pepper together. Spread the mixture on a flat dish. Rim the glass with the lime wedge, then turn the glass upside down into the seasoning and twist.
2. Fill the glass with ice. Add the vodka, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and the Clamato juice, in that order. Stir well.
3. Garnish with the celery stack and the lime wedge.

Working My Way Through The Works: Dead Ringer

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
Burger Description: "Smoked beef brisket, smokey BBQ sauce, jack cheese & an O-ring"
($11.97)

April 18, 2019
Like my last visit to this location, it wasn't very busy when I arrived on the Thursday before the Easter weekend. Considering how late it was when I arrived, this wasn't a bad thing. I immediately ordered from the lunch specials menu. My lunch came promptly, and I admired its lunchpail elegance while listening to CCR sing about a bathroom on the right. I got another sense of deja vu after my first bite, as it reminded of another hamburger I've ordered here, but with a spicier (and IMHO, better) BBQ sauce, and an onion ring instead of caramelized onions. Other than those changes, it was a dead ringer for a burger the Barking Cow; I see what you did there, well played. I raved about the Barking Cow, so I'm not going to say anything bad about the Dead Ringer. It was a particularly juicy burger, so I was gratefully when my server promptly appeared with extra napkins. I did a doubletake when I realized it was the same server as last time because I remembered his name is the same as my son's.  An appropriate way to end this satisfying out of burger experience.

5 out of 5 stars - A great burger that won't bust a hole in your pocket.

An Amuse-bouche of My Own

Back during the poker boom of the 2000s, At a weekend poker get-together at a friend's house, I went to the kitchen during a lull in the game to get something to eat. There was the usual spread of snack food available, but the star of the show was a CrockPot filled with cocktail meatballs bubbling in grape jelly. I wanted to sample some but I didn't want to get the cards sticky, and I couldn't see any toothpicks to bring them to my mouth. I did notice some Scoops^® brand tortilla chips in a bag on the snack table, so I poured some of them on a paper plate and used the serving spoon to drop a meatball in each crunchy little bowl. When I returned to the table, a player noticed my plate and called attention to it with an amused outburst. I know I wasn't the first person to ever put finger food in bowl-shaped food, but I was the first person to do so that night, and soon, everyone at the table was eating their meatballs that way, and my impromptu hors d'oeuvre was referred to as "the Franklin" for the rest of the evening. To recreate my accidental snack, I used a recipe based on the one used at the New York meatball chain The Meatball Shop. Because only the best deserve to have my name on it...

Ingredients:

910 g ground beef (80 percent lean)
2 large eggs
30 mL olive oil
25 g ricotta cheese
25 g breadcrumbs
10 g salt
7 g chopped parsley
4 g chopped fresh oregano or 1 g. dried oregano
2 pinches ground fennel
1 pinch red pepper flakes
1 jar of your favourite grape jelly
1 bottle your favourite barbecue sauce

1. Preheat the oven to 232 °C. Drizzle the olive oil onto a 33 x 23 cm baking dish and use your hand to evenly coat the entire surface. Set the pan aside.
2. Combine the ground beef, ricotta, eggs, breadcrumbs, parsley, oregano, salt, red pepper flakes, and fennel in a large mixing bowl and mix by hand until thoroughly incorporated. Roll the mixture into small meatballs (about half the size of your thumb), making sure to pack the meat firmly. Place the balls in the prepared baking dish, being careful to line them up snugly and in even rows vertically and horizontally to form a grid. The meatballs should be touching one another.
3. Roast the meatballs for 20 minutes, or until they are firm and cooked through - you're looking for 74 °C using a meat thermometer inserted into the center of a meatball.
4. While the meatballs are firm and fully cooked, remove them from the oven and drain the excess grease from the pan. In a separate saucepan, combine the grape jelly with the barbecue sauce, and heat over medium-low heat, stirring constantly.
5. Once the sauce has been well combined and heated through, put the meatballs in either a warm CrockPot or a large saucepan on low heat and pour the sauce on top of them. When you're ready to serve, put a meatball in a Scoops^® brand tortilla chip (or on a toothpick if you're a traditionalist).

Working My Way Through 'The Works': Bacon You Fancy Huh?

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Aged white cheddar, thick cut maple bacon, bacon roasted tomatoes, arugula & mayo"
($17.27)

April 10, 2019
This is the first burger I've reviewed from the Works' Top Ten Menu, though online, they only show nine burgers. I'll assume it's because no one wants to constantly update the website. The web developer in me finds this lazy and an ineffective way to get information to clients, but the hungry blogger in me knows that restaurants are supposed to be more concerned about food than web content. My burger arrived within 20 minutes, a reasonable time considering how late I arrived during lunch service. I didn't want to pass the time listening to the kitchen staff belting out the tunes piped into the place, so I listen to some podcasts on my phone.  As you can see, they really went heavy with the arugula, but I was too hungry to move it to the other bun for a better picture; there was a lot of bacon under all that salad.  Remember when bacon wasn't the food end-all be all? Bacon suddenly became the ultimate cooking cheat. Need a way to make something taste better?  Wrap it with bacon. Adam Conover of "Adam Ruins Everything" fame believes the hype around bacon is all part of a marketing scheme between fast food companies and pork producers. Who am I to question someone with their own TV show, but I didn't need much convincing that I liked bacon after I tasted it when could chew solid foods - as a kid my favourite was the bacon rind on the slices my parents used to buy from Saslove's in the Market. I don't know how thick the bacon on my lunch was cut, but I can say there was bacon in every bite I had, it was layered it in such a way that I got a taste of salty pork flavour every time.  Bacon roasted tomatoes could mean they wrapped tomatoes with bacon and roasted them, or chopped up the tomatoes and cooked them in bacon grease. Either would be an acceptable end to a mean. Like with meat, aging brings out the flavour in cheese and its sharpness, and it tasted good in this hamburger. I know bacon mayonnaise exists, I'm amazed they didn't add it to this for even more bacon flavour. I didn't get that peppery taste from the arugula, in spite of the amount on my burger. Overall it was an enjoyable hamburger. Pricey, but you get what you pay for. Goes well with a tower of onion rings.

4 out of 5 stars - A good splurge burger to upgrade to when the restaurant Dave Thomas named after his daughter isn't selling the Baconator.

Snacking Suggestions for the Masses

We all have our reasons to snack. Whether its to comfort ourselves or to refuel our bodies, everyone has the occasional craving that can only be satisfied by something sweet or savoury. For that reason, I've made a list of the best snacks to have on hand whenever that feeling occurs. Feel free to refer to it before your next binge-watching marathon, or whether you have the munchies for 4:20-related reasons.

• Popcorn: Watching a screen isn't the same without this crunchy buttery snack, there's a reason why you buy an overpriced tub of popcorn when you go out to the movies.
• Ice Cream: Who hasn't lost themselves in a tub of Ben and Jerry's or Haggan Daz at one point?
• Cereal: The host of "Lip Sync Battle" and those "Broad City" chicks were on to something, ain't nothing' like a nice bowl of cereal to smooth you out. It's tasty, full of calcium, vitamins, and minerals (according to the commercials I remember from my youth on Saturday mornings), and as long as you know how to pour milk into a bowl, it's pretty hard to mess up. If you're curious about trying different combinations of cereal in a bowl but don't have multiple boxes of cereal on hand, head over to JAM Cereal, Ottawa's first cereal bar.  But if you do have any leftover Rice Krispies, why not use them to make...
• Rice Krispie squares: These have been a favourite since grade school. If you have to go to the store to buy the ingredients for it, save some time and grab a box of the premade ones unless you're a traditionalist with the patience to wait for them to cool when they come out of the oven.
• Shawarma: Thanks to the Ottawa influx of Lebanese immigrants in the seventies, this Ottawa specialty has been delighting drunks coming out of bars late at night for years. Slow-cooked meat, rolled into pita bread stuffed with various combinations of lettuce, hummus, tomatoes, onions, pickles, pickled turnips, topped with garlic sauce - it's strange it took a movie about superheroes for the rest of the world to discover how good this is.
• Nuts and seeds: Nuts are a healthy snack option as they are good sources of fibre and protein. Don't limit yourself to just peanuts (not an actual nut, they're a member of the legume family, but, whatever), mix it up with a can of mixed nuts. I love sunflower seeds as well; they don't taste the same if you don't pop them out of the shells yourself.
• Nutella: Fans of this chocolate-hazelnut spread have known for a long time about the joys of sticking a spoon straight into a jar of this stuff. Not only is it great on its own, but it can also be used as a dip for things like pretzel sticks, or globs of cookie dough, health concerns be damned.
• Doughnuts: With the options not limited to just Timmie's, these sugary treats aren't just for cops anymore. It's easy to go through a dozen of these things when they now can have bacon, Cocco Puffs, or M&M's baked on them.
• Ramen: You don't even have to cook ramen noodles to have them as a snack, ramen nerd Dave Chang has been known to take a bite from a brick of the instant-ramen noodles when hungry. If you insist on cooking it properly, the combinations you can create are only limited to what's in your fridge and pantry.
• Chinese Takeout: Perfect for when you're hungry and have no intention whatsoever to cook anything. And best of all, there's always leftovers for when you're hungry again.
• Nachos: Tortilla chips with cheese, salsa, chicken, jalapeños, onions, peppers, guacamole, and sour cream: nachos are the snack that eats like a meal.
• Pizza: It can be cold, in roll or pocket form, deep dish, with stuffed crust, or thin and crispy, pizza is a winner in any form. It's literally great any way you slice it.
• Chicken Wings: What's not to like about finger food that's also fried chicken? I dream of going to a buffet and grabbing the entire bin of crispy spicy goodness back to my seat and creating a pile of bones on a plate beside me.
• Gummi Worms: I like to freeze them to get the most out of their tangy sweetness; it's like eating sweet beef jerky.
• Potato Chips: Somehow pairing wine and potato chips became a thing thanks to those Miss Vickie's commercials. I'm sure you can justify how the acidity of the wine can play off the seasoning of the chip, but it seems like an unnecessary addition for fried thinly sliced potatoes.
• Girl Guide cookies: There's a reason Girl Guides make big sales when they set up outside of marijuana dispensaries, as these cookies always satisfy one's sweet tooth. I can't wait to see all the pearl-clutching and hand-wringing that will inevitably happen when some troop does in this in Ottawa.
  

Better Steaks With Meaty Food Hacks

After a winter that refuses to let go of its grip on the city, grillmasters are chomping at the bit to fire up their barbeques. With the chance of snow or rain constantly looming in the forecast, you may want to treat yourself to a dry-aged steak when you finally do get to cook outside.  Dry-aging removes moisture from a piece of meat and causes a breakdown of the muscle tissue - basically, this process causes your steak to decompose. As disgusting as this process may sound, it also tenderizes the meat, and gives it an amazing flavour. Aged steaks can be bought, or be made at home, but while you're waiting for the snow to melt, or the backyard to dry out in order to get to your grill, you can experiment with these cheaper and faster food hacks.

Mushrooms
Chefs who don't have the time to wait 30+ days for that extra burst of umami suggest you season your steak with mushroom powder. Get some dried porcinis or shiitakes and grind them up using a food processor or blender, then season your steak with it, along with some salt and black pepper. Wrap everything in plastic wrap and let the steak sit in the refrigerator until you're ready to cook it.

Koji
Koji is a rice grain that has been introduced with a live culture and is used in the making soy sauce and miso paste. When koji is added, the live culture helps break down the carbohydrates, amino acids, simple sugars, and proteins.  If the live culture is used to break down beans, it stands to reason it can be used to break down the connective tissue in your steak. As with the dried mushrooms, you will need to turn the koji (check your favourite Asian supermarket or order some online) into a powder and rub it all over your steak. Once that's done, put the steak on a plate and place it in your refrigerator for three days. This will cause your meat to become fuzzy in appearance, and leave a pungent smell in your fridge so you may want to place your steak in the crisper if you don't want to deal with the smell, or in a separate refrigerator like your beer fridge (give the fridge good cleaning while you're at it). After three days, rinse all the koji from the meat, pat it dry, and then season it with salt and pepper as normal.

Fish Sauce
This hack takes longer than the others but is one used by Nathan Myhrvold of "Modernist Cuisine" fame, so you know it's legit.  Place your steak in a Ziploc bag, pour in about 15 mL of fish sauce per steak to coat the meat, then seal the bag as tightly as possible, getting out as much air as you can; if you have access to a vacuum sealer, now would be the time to use it. Put the meat in the refrigerator for three days. Take the steak out of the bag, wrap it tightly in cheesecloth, then put it back in the fridge for another three days. Season the meat all over with salt and pepper when it's time to cook.

Blue Cheese
As good as fish sauce is for replicating the rich funky flavour of an aged steak, blue cheese can also be used. Lay a sheet of plastic wrap on a baking sheet, then place an equal-sized piece of cheesecloth on top. Place your steak on the cheesecloth. Fold a thin layer of the cheesecloth over the steaks, then top with some crumbled blue cheese. Fold over the plastic wrap to secure the cheese on top, then refrigerate the wrapped steaks overnight. When it's time to cook,  unwrap the steaks, take off the blue cheese, and pat the steaks dry with paper towels before seasoning both sides of the steak with salt and pepper. You now have steak that is ready for cooking and some blue cheese to use in a sauce for them when it's time to eat.

Ingredients: Blue Cheese Sauce

180 mL heavy cream
35 mL Worcestershire sauce
140 g blue cheese
15 g unsalted butter
1 shallot, sliced
3 g kosher salt
3 g coarsely ground black pepper

1. In a small saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the shallots and cook until golden brown, about 2 to 3 minutes.
2. Stir in the cream and Worcestershire sauce and cook for another minute. Add the salt, pepper and blue cheese and stir well. Just as the cheese begins to melt, remove from the heat.
   
   To serve, spoon the sauce over the steaks or whatever else needs blue cheese added to it.

Working My Way Through 'The Works': Barking at My Cow

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception, as these are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Smoked brisket, Barking Squirrel Beer BBQ sauce, caramelized onions, jack cheese & bacon"
($17.27)

The Barking at My Cow

March 6, 2019
Most of the burgers I've eaten at The Works have been from this location. I wouldn't say I'm a regular here though. Once my family and I walked out after being ignored in an empty restaurant on a lazy afternoon. I vented to management, they apologized, and after a couple of months, I went back. Because you got to give a place you like a second chance; like their customers, restaurants have their off moments. I arrived for this meal at around 12:30, and was surprised at how busy it was for a place tucked away in the suburbs. I'll have to remember to get here earlier, this was the crowd I excepted for lunch at the Glebe location. Twenty minutes later, my Barking at My Cow lunch arrived. My first bite was juicy, with the brisket layer an excellent companion to the beef patty. The bacon added a salty, crunchy texture that is always a welcoming addition. I usually go with cheddar when it comes to cheese on a hamburger, but I was fine with the Monterey Jack. As BBQ sauces go, Barking Squirrel makes great beer, though the sauce's spiciness did blend nicely with the sweetness of the onions. Everything about this burger worked for me. This is what you want when you go out to a fancy hamburger joint. I would have loved to have paired a pint my meal with a Barking Squirrel lager but I was teleworking, and I don't drink on the job. Of all the burgers I've eaten here, and of the two I've written about, this is the best I've had to date.

5 out of 5 stars - The burger every other burger will be judged against; this is the measuring stick.

Best song heard while eating: The Who, "I Can See For Miles"

How To Celebrate Pi Day Without Baking

Mathematicians have been telling us for centuries that pi is the symbol used to represent the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter, just as bakers for centuries have been telling us that pie is a baked dish made with a pastry dough casing that covers or completely contains a sweet or savoury filling. On March 14, Pi Day is celebrated, allowing math and dessert fans to indulge in their love of both. You don't have to be good at math to take part in the fun, nor do you have to have amazing baking skills to take part. With this recipe below, you'll have ample time to calculate the area of all the circles in your home to your heart's content.

Ingredients:

480 mL heavy cream
15 mL fresh lemon juice
260 g graham cracker crumbs
100 g blueberries
100 g raspberries
100 g unsalted butter, melted
50 g sugar (use first)
25 g sugar
1 can (415 mL) sweetened condensed milk, chilled
1 can frozen lemonade concentrate (do not thaw)

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (176 °C). In a medium-sized bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and the melted butter. Press the mixture firmly on the bottom and up the sides of a 23 cm pie pan. Bake for 7 minutes and let it cool completely.
   (Note: This step can be skipped completely if you use a pre-made graham cracker pie crust and follow the instructions that come with it.)
2. In a cold medium-sized bowl, whip the cream until stiff peaks begin to form. In another bowl, mix together the condensed milk and the frozen lemonade. Gently fold the lemonade mixture into the whipped cream, then pour the filling into the crust. Stick the pie in the freezer and let it for 4 hours or freeze overnight.
3. About an hour before you're ready to serve the pie, toss the berries in a bowl with the sugar and the lemon juice. Set them aside until you ready to serve the pie. Let the pie come to room temperature for at least 10 minutes before cutting, then top each slice with the berries.

Working My Way Through 'The Works': B.A.B Burger

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
The B.A.B Burger ($15.96)

The B.A.B.

A common gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every popular item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. Today I begin the task of eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.  I went to the location that's closest to my office. Hardly anyone was there when I arrived just after noon, looks like I arrived ahead of the lunch rush. The friendly server who greeted me told me to sit anywhere, so I chose a window seat. However, there wasn't much to see at this end of the Glebe - I wondered if it was as sleepy when this location housed a punk rock venue called Bumpers. With so many choices on the menu, I decided to start alphabetically with the B.A.B burger, a beef burger with Cheddar cheese, fresh tomato, red onion & W Sauce. The B.A.B stands for "Big American Bully" because previously, it had "a name that was kind of similar to another brand's, particularly one with a red-headed, makeup-wearing Stephen King-esque villain", and they had to change it, according to the person who runs their Facebook page. The W sauce is a trade secret, but I could tell there's garlic in it, so I'll assume it's an aioli-like sauce similar to the one the mayor of Flavortown puts on his food. 12:21PM, and still no food, but after a trip to the bathroom, I saw my lunch was waiting for me on my return; I was as happy as Uma Thurman was in "Pulp Fiction" after she returned to her table at Jack Rabbit Slim's (no, I did not powder my nose). The hamburger didn't look anything like that clown restaurant's signature burger, and it didn't taste like it either. The tomato was as flavourful as a fresh tomato can be in the winter, the red onions added their usual sweetness. The W sauce didn't improve or take away from the well-done patty it was on, but getting a small bowl on the side made for a good dipping sauce for the onion rings I ordered.  Overall, I was happy with what I ate, it didn't blow me away (for that, I'd have to order one of the more exotic creations on the menu), but it didn't leave me with that greasy, queasy feeling you can get from eating at Rotten Ronnie's. For that reason alone, we're off to a good start.

3 out of 5 stars - decent, but nothing to write home about.

DIY Kombucha

Back in December, I went to a workshop on how to make kombucha, a popular probiotic fermented sparkling tea. I recently made a batch, following the instructions I received that evening. If you want to try your hand, you can use the recipe I've posted below, once you acquire the essential symbiotic culture of yeast and bacteria (or scoby) by finding out when the next workshop is, contacting your favourite kombucha producer and asking for a scoby baby and some starter liquid, or ordering one online.

Ingredients:

4 black or green tea bags or 15 g loose leaf tea
1 scoby and some starter liquid
830 mL water
80 g sugar
chopped fruit, herbs and/or spices for flavouring (optional)

1. Boil the water, and pour it into a suitable mixing vessel like a larger Mason jar. Add the teabags and allow the mixture to steep for 4-6 minutes. 
2. Pour in the sugar to the warm tea, and stir until the sugar has dissolved. When the mixture has cooled, add the scoby and its starter liquid.
3. Cover the top of the jar with either a piece of cheesecloth or a paper towel, and secure the covering with a rubber band. Place the jar somewhere away from sunlight at room temperature for 7-14 days to allow the kombucha to ferment. Do a taste test on your batch after the seventh day to see if it's to your liking.
4. When you are happy with your results, you will notice a new layer of scoby has formed. Remove it and about 235 mL of kombucha, and place it in a separate container - you now have a scoby with some starter liquid to use for another batch. Pour the remaining kombucha into glass bottles and seal, leaving a bit of space at the top. If you want, you can add some chopped fruit and some herbs and spices for flavouring before you seal the bottles. Allow the kombucha to sit and self-carbonate at room temperature for 3-5 days, then store it in the fridge. Drink your kombucha within two months.

Superbowl Charcuterie

As the big game approaches, people are in the midsts of planning their menus for their Superbowl party. While chicken wings and chili are always crowd pleasers, this year you may want to spend less time in the kitchen and more time in front of the big screen TV. If this describes you, consider making a meat and cheese board, also known as a charcuterie (pronounced shahr-koo-tuh–ree) board. Easy to prepare, it contains a great mix of tastes that come together by following these steps:

• Before you buy the food, you'll need something to serve it on. It's customary to put the spread on either a wooden or marble cutting board, so if you don't have either of those, add one to your shopping list. It makes a world of difference in terms of presentation.
• When picking your meat and cheeses, aim to get three to four different kinds of each. Go for a variety of hard and soft cheeses, ranging from mellow to sharp in flavour.  Goat cheese, cheddar, gouda, Brie, and blue cheese are good suggestions. Cheese is best served at room temperature, so cut the cheese (HA!) at least one hour before serving. 
• When it comes to serving size, make sure the pieces are bite-sized - don't worry about making each piece the same size, no one is going to notice. As for the meats, include a similar variety of flavours and textures, such as prosciutto, chorizo sausage, and salumi; consider also adding some pâté to the mix. As with the cheeses, bite-sized portions are preferred. 
• Your guests should have at least one taste of each cheese and meat, so try for 150 to 200 grams of each option per guest.
• Supplement your charcuterie board with some bread and crackers. You don't want anything that outshines the flavours of the cheeses and meats, so go with a simple sliced French baguette and a box of Ritz; if there's a gluten-free option available, feel free to include it. Round everything out with some fresh fruit, and small bowls filled with salted nuts, dill pickles, olives, jellies, mustards, and dips.

With the food now out of the way, you can enjoy watching the Rams make up for their Superbowl XXXVI loss to the Patriots. That's what I'm hoping for anyways...

Commentary on the year that was 2018

2019 is about a two-weeks old, so let's look back at what was hot, hip, and happening in 2018 while it's still fresh in our memories.

Food recalls: It seemed like every week last year, we were getting a warning to not eating something. E-coli in the produce, salmonella in the meat; with reports of food costs to go up this year, we shouldn't have to throw out as much as we do.

The Keto Diet: I completely missed this trend, but a diet that was used primarily to treat refractory epilepsy in children was all the rage. To me, it looks like it involves eating lots of avocados, eggs, nuts, cheese, and salmon, but fans of the keto diet claim you can turn your body into a “fat burning machine" by making it go into ketosis — a physical state where the body is flooded with "ketones" after you deprived it of carbohydrates. Others claim it's just another bad fad diet that's hard to follow, has a high fat intake and could have unknown long-term side effects. I guess like everything, moderation is the key.

Anthony Bourdain Dies: I loved his shows, I loved his writing, I loved his attitude. If I had discovered "Kitchen Confidential" before starting college, my life might have gone in a whole different direction.

Ottawa restaurant closures and openings: Among the noticeable closures in 2018 were Dunn's on Elgin; Wong's Palace; Table 85, and Boko Bakery. Ironically, the restaurant that forced the beloved Mello's to close in 2015, Ace Mercado, has also closed its doors, with surprisingly little fanfare. But as the guy in Semisonic warbled in the nineties, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end with the Queen St. Fare, Ottawa's first food hall, opening in the old Hy’s Steakhouse, and acclaimed chef Briana Kim to open a new restaurant called Alice later this year. Both are on my ever-expanding list of local restaurants to visit.

Buck-a-Beer: Whether it's extending the hours of the LCBO, or considering letting corner stores sell beer, it seems all of millionaire Doug Ford's attempts to appeal to the common man involve getting people drunk. The premier's challenge to Ontario breweries to sell beer for a dollar (plus deposit) after the Ontario government lowered the minimum price by a quarter was a dud. No one wants to drink cheap beer (it tastes bad); no one wants to make cheap beer (you lose money doing so). It was a waste of time that had little to no payoff whatsoever. Hopefully, the Ontario government will handle marijuana edibles better when they become legal this year, I hear Doug has some experience in that area (allegedly).

The Big Mac Turns 50: Back in August U.S McDonald's franchises decided to celebrate the creation of placing two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun by giving customers a limited-edition collectable metal coin with the purchase of every Big Mac that could be redeemed for one free Big Mac until the end of the year. I would have thought there would have been more fanfare about this, not sure why Canadian Mickey D's didn't join in on the celebrating.

Starbucks Closes for ‘Racial Bias Training’: After an employee at a Starbucks called the cops on two black men for the crime of being black in a Starbucks, the company issued an official apology and eventually closed 8,000 of its U.S. shops for “racial bias training” on the afternoon of May 29. Canadian Starbucks followed suit on June 11 and closed all of their company-operated stores and offices for the afternoon as staff underwent similar training. I don't know how much this corporate lesson did to improve racial relations between staff and customers, but I do know that if you complained about not being able to get a cup of coffee that afternoon when they closed, you weren't looking that hard for coffee and you're a racist.

Ottawa Wine and Food Festival Bites The Dust: In a move no one saw coming despite the lack of online ticket sales, an ongoing legal battle, and a long line of people wanting the money they're owed, the popular Ottawa Wine and Food Festival was canceled eight days before its announced opening. Having been to the event when it was at the Ottawa Congress Centre, I didn't ever expect to use the word "clusterfuck" to describe the Ottawa Wine and Food Festival, but it's an appropriate word for everything involved with the event since the move to the EY Centre. There are plans to have another go this year, but I'm not holding my breath on it coming together - why can't Ottawa have nice things?

Mario Batali's Comeback: Despite having lost his job on “The Chew”, having his products pulled from store shelves, and being forced to step away from his restaurant business, Mario Batali still hoped he could salvage his reputation and career despite the numerous sexual misconduct accusations against him. But in spite of the charity work Batali is reportedly doing in Rwanda, and the news that he will not be charged for two alleged sexual assault cases against him, the public isn't ready to forgive the Louis CK of the cooking world. Me, I was done with him after I heard one of his restaurants had a rape room in it, fuck him and his asshole business partner from "MasterChef" Joe Bastianich.

Chef José Andrés Is Nominated for the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize: José Andrés is known for the three years he worked at elBulli, or for bringing the small plates dining concept to America in his restaurants. He is also known as the founder of World Central Kitchen, a non-profit devoted to providing meals in the wake of natural disasters. Because of his humanitarian efforts, he has been nominated for the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize. It's nice to know that not everything was horrible last year.