Working My Way Through The Works: The Tom Green

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Monterey Jack cheese, Beechhouse sauce, bacon & fresh avocado"
($16.61, plus tax)
July 28, 2019

For the uninformed, Tom Green became a celebrity with a show on Ottawa college radio in the early nineties, which lead to a rap career, and an eponymous show on local cable access television that was picked up by the Comedy Network and then MTV. From that, he starred in movies, married and divorced Drew Barrymore, appeared on Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice", and has a host of comedy projects and a tour on the go, with a recent appearance at Yuk Yuks. While Green has received a lot of local and international attention over the years, I can't say I was ever a fan. The one episode of his show on Rogers I saw featured him interviewing a butcher who sang while he worked, and some skit involving him wrapping his head in tinfoil and stumbling up Bank St. bothering anyone unlucky enough to be in his path. I worked with a different singing butcher at the time so the novelty of the interview escaped me, and I've seen more entertaining examples of man-on-the-street buffoonery on television. I've heard stories of him bringing substitute teachers and donut shop patrons to tears of distraction with his schtick, and how he used his radio show to badmouth people who got fed up with him and his antics. I myself recall a member of his entourage (one of his high school friends I'm sure) wanting to engage me in a conversation about how big his penis was while we were in the coat check line at Barrymore's a few years back; I saw Green off to the side with an embarrassed look on his face as I left him and his pornstar pal to themselves. With him lending his celebrity to bring attention to the horrible addition to the Chateau Laurier that has many in the city up in arms, I decided to try the burger named after him. Cheese always makes a hamburger better in my opinion, and the Tom Green burger I received in my takeout order was very cheesy. There was bacon on it because everyone adds bacon to everything and because adding ham or fried baloney to a hamburger named after a comedian might be considered insulting. The avocado was added but wink-wink, nudge-nudge, it was green. I'm over having avocado on a burger - it adds nothing but a mushy texture to the sandwich, which can be improved upon by using guacamole instead. The standout on the burger was the Beechhouse sauce, a garlicky, creamy vegetable-based mayo made in-house, which works great as a burger topping and as a dipping sauce. I regret not ordering extra for the onion rings I added to my meal. To sum up, my meal reminded me of Green's movie "Road Trip" - it was better than I expected it to be and it had its moments, but I wouldn't choose it again in favor of other items on the menu. I may never get the popularity of Tom Green, but Ottawa's favourite class clown does have a decent burger named after him.

3 out of 5 stars - Pair it with the Tom Green Beer if you're a hardcore fan.

Working My Way Through The Works: Beyond A Hipsters Wildest Dreams

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "The worlds first plant-based burger patty, Beyond Burger, topped with caramelized onions, avocado & Havarti cheese."
($16.96)

June 26, 2019
Plant-based meat substitutes are a hot commodity right now in the food world, with every burger joint offering some sort of combination of vegetable protein, canola oil, and flavourings in patty form. At the Works, you get two choices of Beyond Meat burger. I went with the one with cheese on it. My last experience with fake meat didn't go well, as a veggie/tofu hot dog I tried at the Experimental Farm left a lot to be desired. It was less sausage and more a tube-shaped mush with a bun and condiments wrapped around it. I hoped my luck would improve on a particularly busy day for lunch; it's never a good sign when you overhear the servers apologizing for slow service. When my lunch arrived, I gave it more of a once-over than I usually would. I couldn't tell if my patty looked like what I expect a grilled burger to look like under all the melted Havarti and grilled onions. I did see some grill marks on the sides of it, and I didn't want to deconstruct the burger anymore than I had to as it was already so messy.  Though my burger didn't smell like what I've come to expect from a burger, it also didn't smell like something made from peas, which was a plus. The first bite of my lunch took me by surprise, as it had a familiar mouthfeel and texture of a beef patty. Looking at it after biting into it, it didn't "bleed" like a meat patty would, and from the colour the patty, I would have guessed it was cooked sous-vide style first, then grilled to make it more meat-like.

My next surprise was in the flavour. It tasted better than the veggie-dog, and didn't taste like something I knew was made out of plants. But it didn't taste like a juicy burger would either. It was good, but it didn't taste like meat, with the caramelized onions adding that umami flavour it lacked. The avocado didn't do anything other than made the burger messier to eat and would have been better if it was made into guacamole to give the burger more of a kick. Overall, I can see why people are excited about plant-based meat, and in retrospect, I should have ordered a salad as my side dish to complete my vegetarian experience. But in my humble opinion, they're still far from creating something that will satisfy my craving for meat; it was definitely not beyond this carnivore's wildest dreams.

2.5 out of 5 stars - Better than what I expected, but you won't forget you're not eating animal flesh.

Working My Way Through The Works: Dead Ringer

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
Burger Description: "Smoked beef brisket, smokey BBQ sauce, jack cheese & an O-ring"
($11.97)

April 18, 2019
Like my last visit to this location, it wasn't very busy when I arrived on the Thursday before the Easter weekend. Considering how late it was when I arrived, this wasn't a bad thing. I immediately ordered from the lunch specials menu. My lunch came promptly, and I admired its lunchpail elegance while listening to CCR sing about a bathroom on the right. I got another sense of deja vu after my first bite, as it reminded of another hamburger I've ordered here, but with a spicier (and IMHO, better) BBQ sauce, and an onion ring instead of caramelized onions. Other than those changes, it was a dead ringer for a burger the Barking Cow; I see what you did there, well played. I raved about the Barking Cow, so I'm not going to say anything bad about the Dead Ringer. It was a particularly juicy burger, so I was gratefully when my server promptly appeared with extra napkins. I did a doubletake when I realized it was the same server as last time because I remembered his name is the same as my son's.  An appropriate way to end this satisfying out of burger experience.

5 out of 5 stars - A great burger that won't bust a hole in your pocket.

Working My Way Through 'The Works': Bacon You Fancy Huh?

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Aged white cheddar, thick cut maple bacon, bacon roasted tomatoes, arugula & mayo"
($17.27)

April 10, 2019
This is the first burger I've reviewed from the Works' Top Ten Menu, though online, they only show nine burgers. I'll assume it's because no one wants to constantly update the website. The web developer in me finds this lazy and an ineffective way to get information to clients, but the hungry blogger in me knows that restaurants are supposed to be more concerned about food than web content. My burger arrived within 20 minutes, a reasonable time considering how late I arrived during lunch service. I didn't want to pass the time listening to the kitchen staff belting out the tunes piped into the place, so I listen to some podcasts on my phone.  As you can see, they really went heavy with the arugula, but I was too hungry to move it to the other bun for a better picture; there was a lot of bacon under all that salad.  Remember when bacon wasn't the food end-all be all? Bacon suddenly became the ultimate cooking cheat. Need a way to make something taste better?  Wrap it with bacon. Adam Conover of "Adam Ruins Everything" fame believes the hype around bacon is all part of a marketing scheme between fast food companies and pork producers. Who am I to question someone with their own TV show, but I didn't need much convincing that I liked bacon after I tasted it when could chew solid foods - as a kid my favourite was the bacon rind on the slices my parents used to buy from Saslove's in the Market. I don't know how thick the bacon on my lunch was cut, but I can say there was bacon in every bite I had, it was layered it in such a way that I got a taste of salty pork flavour every time.  Bacon roasted tomatoes could mean they wrapped tomatoes with bacon and roasted them, or chopped up the tomatoes and cooked them in bacon grease. Either would be an acceptable end to a mean. Like with meat, aging brings out the flavour in cheese and its sharpness, and it tasted good in this hamburger. I know bacon mayonnaise exists, I'm amazed they didn't add it to this for even more bacon flavour. I didn't get that peppery taste from the arugula, in spite of the amount on my burger. Overall it was an enjoyable hamburger. Pricey, but you get what you pay for. Goes well with a tower of onion rings.

4 out of 5 stars - A good splurge burger to upgrade to when the restaurant Dave Thomas named after his daughter isn't selling the Baconator.

Working My Way Through 'The Works': Barking at My Cow

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception, as these are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Smoked brisket, Barking Squirrel Beer BBQ sauce, caramelized onions, jack cheese & bacon"
($17.27)

The Barking at My Cow

March 6, 2019
Most of the burgers I've eaten at The Works have been from this location. I wouldn't say I'm a regular here though. Once my family and I walked out after being ignored in an empty restaurant on a lazy afternoon. I vented to management, they apologized, and after a couple of months, I went back. Because you got to give a place you like a second chance; like their customers, restaurants have their off moments. I arrived for this meal at around 12:30, and was surprised at how busy it was for a place tucked away in the suburbs. I'll have to remember to get here earlier, this was the crowd I excepted for lunch at the Glebe location. Twenty minutes later, my Barking at My Cow lunch arrived. My first bite was juicy, with the brisket layer an excellent companion to the beef patty. The bacon added a salty, crunchy texture that is always a welcoming addition. I usually go with cheddar when it comes to cheese on a hamburger, but I was fine with the Monterey Jack. As BBQ sauces go, Barking Squirrel makes great beer, though the sauce's spiciness did blend nicely with the sweetness of the onions. Everything about this burger worked for me. This is what you want when you go out to a fancy hamburger joint. I would have loved to have paired a pint my meal with a Barking Squirrel lager but I was teleworking, and I don't drink on the job. Of all the burgers I've eaten here, and of the two I've written about, this is the best I've had to date.

5 out of 5 stars - The burger every other burger will be judged against; this is the measuring stick.

Best song heard while eating: The Who, "I Can See For Miles"

Working My Way Through 'The Works': B.A.B Burger

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
The B.A.B Burger ($15.96)

The B.A.B.

A common gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every popular item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. Today I begin the task of eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.  I went to the location that's closest to my office. Hardly anyone was there when I arrived just after noon, looks like I arrived ahead of the lunch rush. The friendly server who greeted me told me to sit anywhere, so I chose a window seat. However, there wasn't much to see at this end of the Glebe - I wondered if it was as sleepy when this location housed a punk rock venue called Bumpers. With so many choices on the menu, I decided to start alphabetically with the B.A.B burger, a beef burger with Cheddar cheese, fresh tomato, red onion & W Sauce. The B.A.B stands for "Big American Bully" because previously, it had "a name that was kind of similar to another brand's, particularly one with a red-headed, makeup-wearing Stephen King-esque villain", and they had to change it, according to the person who runs their Facebook page. The W sauce is a trade secret, but I could tell there's garlic in it, so I'll assume it's an aioli-like sauce similar to the one the mayor of Flavortown puts on his food. 12:21PM, and still no food, but after a trip to the bathroom, I saw my lunch was waiting for me on my return; I was as happy as Uma Thurman was in "Pulp Fiction" after she returned to her table at Jack Rabbit Slim's (no, I did not powder my nose). The hamburger didn't look anything like that clown restaurant's signature burger, and it didn't taste like it either. The tomato was as flavourful as a fresh tomato can be in the winter, the red onions added their usual sweetness. The W sauce didn't improve or take away from the well-done patty it was on, but getting a small bowl on the side made for a good dipping sauce for the onion rings I ordered.  Overall, I was happy with what I ate, it didn't blow me away (for that, I'd have to order one of the more exotic creations on the menu), but it didn't leave me with that greasy, queasy feeling you can get from eating at Rotten Ronnie's. For that reason alone, we're off to a good start.

3 out of 5 stars - decent, but nothing to write home about.

Who Wants to Host a "Mad Men" party?

The television phenomena "Mad Men" returns on the 25th, and what better way to celebrate the adventures of Don Draper and the rest of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce than to host a viewing party. It's a great way to get into the spirit of everyone's favorite 1960s period piece, and with all the food being served, you don't have to be a fan of the show in order to take part in the fun. When it comes to the food, you can go one of two ways, prepare some of the dishes seen on the show, or prepare something using a recipe from the swinging sixties. A great starting point for old cookbooks is the public library and the remaining Book Markets in Ottawa. It's not a bad idea to going through an old cookbook anytime, really - where else can you get a good grasp of the basics of what are now classic dishes? Foods such as fillet of beef wellington, potato gratin, creamed spinach¹, leg of lamb², or as an alternative, lamb lollipops and Swedish meatballs were featured on various episodes. The spread can be filled out with era specific dishes such as deviled eggs, gazpacho and rumaki³. For dessert, you could go with either a grasshopper pie, or a lime sherbet to complete the retro touch. And what would a Mad Men be without liquor? Put that drink menu you always get from the LCBO to use, and buy what you need to make some martinis and Old Fashioned's. Break out your fancy chip-and-dip bowl, and pretend it's Pete's wedding gift. All that's needed to complete the evening is the wardrobe. Depending on your budget, your best bets are either Value Village, Ragtime, or the "Mad Men" inspired line at Banana Republic to complete the look.

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^{1 "}TV Dinners: Mad Men Menu and Party Plan"
² "How to Throw a Mad Men Party: Recipes, Cocktails and More"
³  "The Mad Men Party: the Food"