Working My Way Through The Works: Gotta Be KD

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road))
Burger Description:"Kraft Dinner & cheddar"
($19.34)

September 20, 2022

Kraft Dinner is bullshit. The macaroni pie my mom would make for Sunday dinners spoiled KD for me forever. I assume the only reason people eat it is that it's cheap and they don't know how to make a proper cheese sauce. When I finally tried the stuff in the blue and yellow box, I never understood its appeal. I don't care what Barenaked Ladies say, "If I Had A Million Dollars" I wouldn't eat that crap ever again. I will admit, seeing all that orange gooeyness on my burger patty made me hope that I would at least get a lot of cheese flavour in my first bite. But the low expectations I had for this meal were quickly met. It didn't taste any cheesier than if I had ordered a regular cheeseburger. Biting into the hamburger, the macaroni added a weird mouthfeel that I was not a fan off. I tried some of the pasta separately. It was like flavourless orange packing foam. As with actual Kraft Dinner, the only way to eat this was with lots of ketchup. Paying almost $20 for something with Kraft mac and cheese on it is ridiculous - the best part of this lunch was the French fries. I get that it's not practical or realistic to expect something a Sicilian grandmother would have made from a burger joint but even using good-tasting macaroni and cheese seems like a mistake to me as a hamburger topping. This is easily the worse hamburger I've eaten so far from the Works. Recommended only for pregnant women with very specific cravings.

1 out of 5 stars

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Chicken Parmesan

Whether you call it chicken parmesan or chicken parmigiana, one thing is for certain - it is not an Italian dish. Its inspiration, the combination of parmigiana di melanzane, a dish using fried eggplant slices and tomato sauce, and a cotoletta, a breaded veal cutlet normally served without sauce or cheese, can be found on any Italian menu. As immigrants from Italy started to settle in the U.S. in the 1950s, the combination of breaded chicken breast covered in tomato sauce and cheese began appearing in restaurants and homes. With the recipe below, you will have a dish that is great on its own, used in a sandwich or with a side of, or on top of pasta. 

Ingredients

2 large boneless chicken breasts
450 g mozzarella, parmesan, or provolone cheese, sliced thick
226 g panko bread crumbs
6 eggs, beaten
extra virgin olive oil
your favourite tomato sauce

1. Preheat your oven's broiler. Put the bread crumbs in a large bowl next to the bowl your beaten eggs are in.
2. Butterfly the chicken breast, then pound it as thin as you can with a meat tenderizer (covering the meat in plastic wrap, and slamming your heaviest pan on it will also work) on a flat surface.
3. Dip the chicken into the egg, then into the panko. Press down on the bread crumbs, making sure the breast is completely covered. Repeat and place the meat on a plate for 15 -20 minutes. Do the same process for the other piece of chicken.
4. Heat up 2.5 mL of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat - don't let the oil get too hot. Fry each chicken breast separately on one side for 5-7 minutes or until the edges turn a dark golden brown. As it cooks, baste the top of the meat with some of the oil in the pan. Flip the chicken breast when its bottom is sufficiently browned, and fry the other side.
5. While the chicken cooks spread some tomato sauce on a baking sheet. When the meat is ready, place it on the sauce, then add more sauce down the middle of the chicken breast. Top the meat with the cheese.
6. Place the baking sheet in the oven and broil everything for about 5 minutes until the cheese is well browned and bubbling.

How to Make a Better Crudité Than Dr. Oz

There are many doctors who I trust more than Mehmet Oz. Doctors Dre, Kevorkian, and Octopus are three just off the top of my head. Along with selling medicines and treatments that only help his bank account, we can now add food suggestions to the list of questionable things that Dr. Oz has said. Recently, the former TV host released a campaign video in an attempt to appear more relatable to voters in his run for a seat on the U.S. Senate. He may have missed the mark with this one.

If you're like me, this is the first time you've heard raw vegetables served with a dip called a crudité (pronounced crew-dee-tay) - I guess when it's comprised of more than carrots and celery sticks, it gets a fancier name. I don't usually follow these types of elections, but I don't think he's going to get many votes with this approach, especially when he has no idea what he's talking about. If you want to know how to make a proper vegetable platter to go with your charcuterie board, ignore what Oprah's favourite quack says, and follow the steps below. Leave all the food advice to his daughter the wellness expert, at least she's written a cookbook.

• Include at least four types of vegetables other than carrots and celery. It's always best to use what is in season, so consider visiting your local farmer's market over the supermarket; when making your choice, the more vibrant the colours, the better.
• Vegetables such as asparagus, green beans, and snap peas should be slightly cooked or blanched, to make them easier to eat. 
• Prepare a large pot of boiling salted water, and fill a large bowl with ice water.
• Remove the tough bottoms of the asparagus stalks and the strings from the green beans and snap peas.
• Start with one vegetable at a time, and lower it into the boiling water. Stir and let cook for 1 minute.
• Remove the vegetable from the boiling water and immediately plunge it into the ice bath to stop the cooking process and maintain the vibrant green colour it now has. Continue with the additional vegetables that you want to cook.
• Once all the vegetables are blanched, store them in separate containers until you are ready to assemble your crudité.
  
• When arranging your platter place a sheet of parchment paper between the vegetables and whatever serving tray you plan to use. Add your dip bowls first, then start placing your green vegetables around them, then add the more colorful produce for a better presentation. Small lettuces such as endive or radicchio can be separated and placed accordingly.
• Depending on how many different vegetables you have and how many people you are serving, go with at least 2-3 different dips. Don't use salsa or guacamole. I suggest a spicy hummus, a cheese spread, either a French onion or Ranch-style dip, or this recipe for an all-purpose dip from a guy who knows more about food than Dr. Oz.

Ingredients: All-Purpose Dip

480 g mayonnaise
15 g drained capers in brine
22.5 mL caper brine
5 large cloves of garlic, roughly chopped
32 g loosely packed, roughly chopped parsley, stems removed
24 g loosely packed, roughly chopped dill, stems removed
juice of a medium-sized lemon
black pepper, freshly ground if possible

1. Combine the garlic, mayonnaise, capers, brine, and lemon juice in a blender or food processor. Give everything a good pulse to roughly blend it all together.
2. Put in the herbs and blend everything for a second or two.
3. Add pepper to taste and mix everything until it has a smooth, creamy consistency.
4. Taste again, then add more capers, caper brine, or lemon juice if it needs more.
   
   This will last in your fridge for 4-5 days.

Better Than Ribfest Ribs

If you want to enjoy some ribs during the summer, there's no reason to wait until the various rib fests start popping up. As it turns out, all those vendors you assumed were coming to town from the U.S. to let you sample their grilled meats are all owned by the same Canadian company.  The only thing that makes any of the food taste different from each other is the sauce they use on the meat and sell to customers. They all use the same cuts of meat and they all cook the meat in the same way - whatever regional style they claim to be using, they're not. None of those trophies displayed mean anything; any first-place awards should be taken with a large serving of salt. Even the southern accents you hear from the people working the grill are fake. If you want to avoid the artificially long lineups (once vendors have people waiting for food, they work slower to build the line to build a buzz) try the recipe below. When it comes to BBQ ribs, slow-and-low beats fast-and-fake every time.

Ingredients

2 racks baby back pork ribs
180 mL apple juice
60 mL apple cider vinegar
30 g light brown sugar
15 g cayenne pepper
10 g smoked paprika (optional)
7.5 g salt
5 g granulated garlic
5 g dried minced onion
5 g ground mustard
2.5 g black pepper
your favorite BBQ sauce

1.  Turn all the burners on your gas grill to low. Leave the grill covered and let the temperature rise to 150°C.
2. Remove the silverskin off the back of the ribs by sliding a table knife under the membrane anywhere along the rack. Lift and loosen it with the knife until you can grab it with a paper towel, then pull it off the ribs. This will allow the seasoning to get to the meat giving it more flavour.
3. Mix all the dry spices together in a small bowl. Rub the spice blend over both sides of the ribs.
4. Pour the apple juice and the apple cider vinegar into a large foil pan. Place the ribs in the pan and cover them tightly with aluminum foil. Place the pan on the grill, cover and close the grill, and let the ribs cook for 60-90 minutes.
• This can also be done by placing the foil-wrapped ribs in an oven preheated to 121°C for 2 hours.
5. When the internal temperature of the meat reads between 73-76°C, carefully bring the foil pan inside. Remove the ribs and transfer them to a large baking sheet, then slather each side of the ribs with your favorite sauce.
6. Increase the heat on each burner of your gas grill to medium/high. Grill each rack for about 5-7 minutes per side, adding more sauce as needed. You will know when the ribs are done when the ribs start to slightly char.
7. Let the ribs rest for 5 minutes before slicing and eating.

Legends of Canadian Pastry: The Saskatoon Berry Pie

The Sweet Canada: Domestic stamps series

If you haven't heard of Saskatoon berries, it's probably because of the part of Canada you live in. Also known as serviceberries, the Saskatoon berry (Amelanchier alnifolia) is a deciduous native shrub that grows not just in Saskatchewan as you would expect if you know your geography, but also in parts of western Ontario, British Columbia, and the Yukon. Like the city it's named after, the sweet, fleshy fruits take their name from a Cree word, and were used by both Aboriginal people and early colonizers. With a lifespan of 30 to 50 years, saskatoons are hardy plants that can survive winter temperatures of up to -50 to -60º Celsius. The berries are a good source of antioxidants, have similar nutritional properties to other dark-coloured berries, and can be used in jams, syrups, and pie fillings. Gas prices may keep you from heading out to this year's Saskatoon Berry Festival but the recipe below will allow you to enjoy this legendary Canadian pastry any time you please.

Note: Blueberries can be substituted for Saskatoon berries, but actually saskatoons can be ordered frozen online, just remember to thaw them before use.

Ingredients

1 9 inch/23 cm. pre-made pie crust
(If you have a favourite homemade pie crust recipe, feel free to use it; if you need one, here's a good recipe.)
760 g fresh Saskatoon berries
150 g white sugar
25 g all-purpose flour
15 g butter
60 mL water
30 mL lemon juice

1. Preheat the oven to 220 degrees Celsius.
2. In a large saucepan, simmer berries in the water for 10 minutes. Stir in the lemon juice with berries. Combine the sugar and flour together in a medium bowl, then stir into the berry mixture. 
3. Pour mixture into either a pre-made pie crust or a pastry-lined 9-inch pie pan. Dot with butter. Top the pie with more crust, then seal and flute (crimp) the edges.
4. Bake the pie in the preheated oven for 15 minutes, then reduce the oven temperature to 175°C and bake for an additional 35 to 45 minutes, or until golden brown.

The One With Jennifer Aniston's Favourite Salad

"Friends" was such a huge hit that it seems impossible to not have seen the trials and tribulations of three guys and three gals who hung out way too much at a coffee shop in New York. The show launched the careers of its stars, with Jennifer Aniston's Rachel character getting a lot of the attention for her haircut and her on-again-off-again interaction with her onscreen love interest. I watched the show for the first few seasons until I realized I didn't care if she and the love of her life were "on a break" from their relationship or not. I only drifted back near the tail end of the series because I already knew all the characters' names and I couldn't find anything better to watch. But I do find it fascinating that Aniston ate the same salad for ten years when she and her female co-stars would have lunch together on the set. If you're still pining for "Friends" after the recent reunion special, or you've just discovered the show on Netflix, the recipe below will be there for you to whip up before your next visit with the gang from Central Perk.

Ingredients

180 g bulgur

• Bulgur is a nutritious whole grain that can be used as a substitute for brown rice or quinoa. You can find it with the grains and rice in the international aisle of your supermarket or in the bulk section of Whole Foods or your local health food store.

2 cucumbers, diced
1 425 g can garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
150 g crumbled feta cheese
50 g shelled pistachios
13 g red onion, minced
8 g fresh parsley, chopped
1.5 g fresh mint, chopped

1. Bring 475 mL of water to a boil. Add the bulgar and reduce the heat to low. Cover and let the bulgar cook for about 20 minutes or until all the water is absorbed. Stir every five minutes.
2. Let the bulgar cool for another 20 minutes until it becomes room temperature. In a large bowl, add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine.
3. Serve or put into an airtight container in the refrigerator until ready.

Let Them Eat Cheesecake - Doug Ford's Famous Cheesecake Recipe

The chances you will try the recipe below depend on how you feel about Doug Ford. If you believe the Ford government can "Get It Done" because he works 24 hours a day for the people of Ontario, folks, you will eat up his cheesecake the same way you ate up promises to make Ontario "Open for business" with a highway that only benefits the GTA. If you believe he's a corrupt, incompetent politician who hasn't evolved from his alleged days as a teenage hash dealer, you probably came here because you need a dessert recipe. Rob Ford's older brother claims this recipe has been passed down to him from Mama Ford, who learned the recipe from her sister.  As his day of reckoning comes on June 2 with the provincial election, how the voting goes will determine if people will be making this cheesecake as part of a victory celebration, or as a way to cope with four more years of FORDNation.

Ingredients

3 packages of Dream Whip

3 packages of cream cheese

2 boxes of graham cracker crumbs

2 cans of cherry pie filling (Tory blue blueberries can be substituted if you're that partisan)

1 1/2 cups milk

1 cup icing sugar

1 cup sugar

1/2 brick of butter

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F (180 C). Empty the Dream Whip packets into a bowl, then add the milk and mix with an electric mixer on high until peaks form.
2. Microwave the cream cheese bricks for one minute. Mix the cream cheese and the icing sugar in with the Dream Whip. Once done, put it in the fridge to cool down.
3. Mix the butter, graham cracker crumbs, and sugar together in a pot on the stove. Press the ingredients onto the bottom of a baking pan and up the sides.
4. Bake for 20 minutes then remove it and let it cool for 15 minutes. Add the cheesecake filling onto the crust and spread it evenly, then put it in the fridge to let it chill for an hour.
5. Open cans of pie filling and spread evenly over the cheesecake. Chill for several hours before serving.