Making Junk Food Healthy Again - Kale Chips

Kale was the leafy green vegetable that was everyone's best friend in the early 2010s. It is very high in nutrients and very low in calories, making it one of the most nutrient-dense foods you can buy in the produce department.  From the same family that gives us cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, collard greens, and Brussels sprouts, people fell in love kale around 2012 when it started appearing on trendy restaurant menus and in trendier food blogs  While kale can be added to soups, stews, pestos, and casseroles, or blended in smoothies, a popular use of this vegetable is as a potato chip substitute. Using the simple recipe found in "The 4-Hour Chef", there's no reason to not whip up a batch before the big game or for your next Netflix binge.

Ingredients:

1 bunch of kale
extra virgin olive oil
sea salt

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Tear or cut the kale leaves into bite-size pieces (you don't need the stems, they can be thrown away).
2. Rinse and dry the leaves completely, using either a salad spinner or paper towels. Once dry, put the kale in a bowl and drizzle some olive oil over it. Toss the kale to ensure all the leaves are covered.
3. Place the kale on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Give the kale pieces enough space so that they don't overlap. Sprinkle the sea salt (or chili powder, paprika, Old Bay, garlic powder, lemon zest, if you prefer) over the leaves. 
4. Put the baking tray in the oven for 15 minutes, then try one of the pieces. If they need more crisping, leave them in the oven for another five minutes - you're looking for lightly browned edges, not burnt toast.

DIY Fried Chicken Sandwich

The creation of a fried chicken sandwich from Popeyes has caused fried chicken lovers across the United States to lose their damn minds. The hype over this sandwich has caused people to pull out guns upon learning their local restaurant has sold out of the sandwich; because of the different partners and suppliers used in this country, Canada won't see this sandwich anytime soon. So what's a hungry Canadian supposed to do in the meantime? One could wait until the sandwich makes its way up here, or they could go across the border and hope for the best, but I propose that people save time and money by making the sandwich with the recipe below. It may not be the real thing, but you can make it Louisiana fast and enjoy it until Popeyes gets its act together.

Ingredients:

4 hamburger buns or medium-sized brioche buns
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
720-960 mL canola oil for frying
240 mL buttermilk
5 g each paprika, garlic powder, black pepper, salt
240 g flour
120 g corn starch
15 g each paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper
5 g each salt, pepper
120 g mayonaisse
5 g hot sauce
5 g paprika or cajun or taco seasoning
2.5 g garlic powder
Sliced pickles

1. Pound the chicken breasts in between two pieces of parchment paper or plastic wrap. Cut each chicken breast in half crosswise to make 2 small pieces of chicken about the same size as the bun.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the buttermilk and the 5-gram portions of the paprika, garlic powder, salt, and black pepper. Add the chicken to the mix and place in the fridge to marinate up to 24 hours or use right away. 
3. In a medium shallow bowl, whisk the flour, cornstarch, and the 15-gram portions of the paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, and cayenne pepper (if you want it spicy) together. Drizzle 2-3 tablespoons of the buttermilk batter into the flour mixture and mix it through with a fork.
4. Heat oil in a large heavy-duty skillet or pot on medium temperature or until the temperature reaches 176°C. Working with a piece at a time, dredge the chicken in the flour mixture and press some of the flour on the top of the chicken breast to form a thick crust. Transfer the chicken to hot oil and fry for 3-5 minutes per side or until the outside is crispy and golden and the internal temperature reaches 75°C. 
5. Melt some butter in a large saucepan and toast the buns face down until golden and crisp. In a small bowl whisk the mayonnaise, the hot sauce, and the remaining spices together and spread a generous layer of the spicy mayo on each bun. Add the chicken and the pickles and serve immediately.
   
   Note: Popeyes might disagree, but I like to add some bacon and some shredded lettuce when I feel like a fried chicken sandwich. 

Working My Way Through the Works: First Date

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters St.)
Burger Description: "Sauteed mushrooms, diced tomatoes, garlic & brie cheese"
($16.18)
August 13, 2019
Having celebrated my anniversary early this month completely influenced my decision to order a burger called the First Date. I'm not sure why it has this name. Is it a good burger to order when on a first date? Are the toppings supposed to impress your date? Sauteed mushrooms are always good on a burger, and tomato and garlic always go well together, I guess that shows you have a grown-up palate; the fresh tomatoes conveys your health-conscious, which a lot of people look for in a potential partner. I still remember how I meet my wife. It was the summer of 2002. After texting one another on Lavalife (the Tinder of its day), we had agreed to meet face to face to see "Men in Black II". I remember spotting her when I arrived at the theatre, she was seated at a table, deeply engrossed in a book she had brought. The book intimated me. I was already feeling nervous meeting this woman with the striking profile picture that caught my eye, I feared that she would pull out her book and go back reading at a moments notice during our date if I didn't make a good impression immediately. What impressed me about my hamburger was the size of my patty, this was easily the biggest hamburger patty I've received to date. It was so large my burger fall apart on me, with the wetness of the toppings not helping matters. That aside, everything came together nicely with this hamburger. As for my first date with my future wife, I must have been particularly charming, as the book was put in her purse after I introduced myself and didn't make another appearance for the rest of the evening.

3.5 out of 5 stars - It just may be the best part of your date.

Legends of Canadian Pastry - The Blueberry Grunt

The Sweet Canada: Domestic stamps series

When it's time for some baking therapy in Atlantic Canada, some people like to make blueberries grunt. The grunting comes from the sounds made when cooking this dessert of tea biscuit dumplings cooked in blueberries. Also known as a “slump” or “fungy” (this dessert gets the short end of the stick when it comes to names), the blueberry grunt was first made either by early colonial settlers as an adaptation of British pudding using local ingredients, or as a food cobbled together by the Acadians from what they foraged in the area.  In any case, this recipe is a tasty way to take advantage of the anti-inflammatory properties, antioxidants, vitamin C and potassium that blueberries have to offer.

Ingredients

400 g blueberries (fresh or frozen)
280 g flour
225 g sugar (To cut back on sweetness, use 3⁄4 the amount instead)
115 g butter
14 g baking powder
4 g sugar
2 g salt
120 mL milk
5 mL lemon or lime juice
1 egg

Note: Measurement conversions from Cook It Simply/ 

1. Preheat the oven to 220 °C. Pour the blueberries into an oven-safe deep-dish pie plate and add the citrus juice and the larger amount of sugar. Stir well, then place the pie plate in the oven and bake uncovered, 10 to 15 minutes if you are using fresh berries, 20 minutes for frozen berries. 
2. While the berries are in the oven, whisk in a large bowl the flour, baking powder, salt, and the remaining sugar. Break the butter into small pieces and add to the mixture in the bowl. Combine the butter into the flour mixture with a fork until the butter and mixture have formed small crumbly pieces. Crack the egg into a measuring cup and top with milk until you hit the  3⁄4 cup mark. Mix the egg and milk together with a fork, then add it to the flour mixture and blend with a fork until everything is combined — mix in any remaining dry bits by hand. 
3. Take the blueberries out of the oven. Using a  1⁄4 cup measuring cup (or your largest spoon), scoop out the biscuit dough from the bowl, and arrange on top of the hot berries - you should get about 11 biscuits. Carefully cover the dish tightly with aluminum foil and put it back in the oven to bake for 15 minutes. 
4. Remove the dish from the oven and carefully remove the foil, then place back in the oven and continue to bake, uncovered, for 10 minutes or until the biscuits are lightly golden. Take the dish out of the oven, and allow it to cool for 10 minutes or so —the longer the grunt sits, the more blueberry liquid the biscuits will soak up. Serve hot or warm, ideally with either ice cream or whipped cream either as a dessert or for breakfast.

Working My Way Through The Works: The Tom Green

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "Monterey Jack cheese, Beechhouse sauce, bacon & fresh avocado"
($16.61, plus tax)
July 28, 2019

For the uninformed, Tom Green became a celebrity with a show on Ottawa college radio in the early nineties, which lead to a rap career, and an eponymous show on local cable access television that was picked up by the Comedy Network and then MTV. From that, he starred in movies, married and divorced Drew Barrymore, appeared on Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice", and has a host of comedy projects and a tour on the go, with a recent appearance at Yuk Yuks. While Green has received a lot of local and international attention over the years, I can't say I was ever a fan. The one episode of his show on Rogers I saw featured him interviewing a butcher who sang while he worked, and some skit involving him wrapping his head in tinfoil and stumbling up Bank St. bothering anyone unlucky enough to be in his path. I worked with a different singing butcher at the time so the novelty of the interview escaped me, and I've seen more entertaining examples of man-on-the-street buffoonery on television. I've heard stories of him bringing substitute teachers and donut shop patrons to tears of distraction with his schtick, and how he used his radio show to badmouth people who got fed up with him and his antics. I myself recall a member of his entourage (one of his high school friends I'm sure) wanting to engage me in a conversation about how big his penis was while we were in the coat check line at Barrymore's a few years back; I saw Green off to the side with an embarrassed look on his face as I left him and his pornstar pal to themselves. With him lending his celebrity to bring attention to the horrible addition to the Chateau Laurier that has many in the city up in arms, I decided to try the burger named after him. Cheese always makes a hamburger better in my opinion, and the Tom Green burger I received in my takeout order was very cheesy. There was bacon on it because everyone adds bacon to everything and because adding ham or fried baloney to a hamburger named after a comedian might be considered insulting. The avocado was added but wink-wink, nudge-nudge, it was green. I'm over having avocado on a burger - it adds nothing but a mushy texture to the sandwich, which can be improved upon by using guacamole instead. The standout on the burger was the Beechhouse sauce, a garlicky, creamy vegetable-based mayo made in-house, which works great as a burger topping and as a dipping sauce. I regret not ordering extra for the onion rings I added to my meal. To sum up, my meal reminded me of Green's movie "Road Trip" - it was better than I expected it to be and it had its moments, but I wouldn't choose it again in favor of other items on the menu. I may never get the popularity of Tom Green, but Ottawa's favourite class clown does have a decent burger named after him.

3 out of 5 stars - Pair it with the Tom Green Beer if you're a hardcore fan.

Cooking Asparagus Backwards

Roasted, blanched, sautéd, steamed, grilled -  everyone has their favourite way to cook asparagus. While those methods are fine, there is a way of cooking this vegetable that's been popular since the days of ancient Rome.  Found in the world's oldest surviving cookbook, "Apicius De Re Coquinaria," is a collection of Imperial Roman recipes, compiled around the first century A.D. One of them recommends cooking the asparagus in boiling water “rursum,” which is translated to mean “backwards”, or stood stalk-side down in boiling water that doesn’t reach all the way up the stalk. Done this way, you get the stalks tenderized by the boiling water, while the tips are tenderized by the steam. It may take longer than most methods, but it can be made in the background while preparing other dishes, and it's worth appreciating a cooking technique that has stood up so well to the test of time.

Ingredients and Equipment:

1 bunch of asparagus
Mason jar or any jar with a wide opening
heavy cream^*
butter^*
cloves of garlic^*
lemon juice^*
pinch of nutmeg^*
salt^*

* - optional

1. Place the asparagus in a dry jar. If you want to add some flavour to your asparagus, fill the jar with a mix of the remaining ingredients. 
2. Put the jar in a large stockpot, and add water to the pot water until the level is about 5 cm lower than the top of the jar. Move the stockpot to the stovetop, and let the water boil.
3. Remove the jar from the water after about 25 minutes. You'll know they're done when the tips start to droop. Feel free to dip the tips in the jar if you added the flavoring ingredients.

Working My Way Through The Works: Beyond A Hipsters Wildest Dreams

A popular gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. These are the observations I've had while eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.

The WORKS Orleans (900 Watters Road)
Burger Description: "The worlds first plant-based burger patty, Beyond Burger, topped with caramelized onions, avocado & Havarti cheese."
($16.96)

June 26, 2019
Plant-based meat substitutes are a hot commodity right now in the food world, with every burger joint offering some sort of combination of vegetable protein, canola oil, and flavourings in patty form. At the Works, you get two choices of Beyond Meat burger. I went with the one with cheese on it. My last experience with fake meat didn't go well, as a veggie/tofu hot dog I tried at the Experimental Farm left a lot to be desired. It was less sausage and more a tube-shaped mush with a bun and condiments wrapped around it. I hoped my luck would improve on a particularly busy day for lunch; it's never a good sign when you overhear the servers apologizing for slow service. When my lunch arrived, I gave it more of a once-over than I usually would. I couldn't tell if my patty looked like what I expect a grilled burger to look like under all the melted Havarti and grilled onions. I did see some grill marks on the sides of it, and I didn't want to deconstruct the burger anymore than I had to as it was already so messy.  Though my burger didn't smell like what I've come to expect from a burger, it also didn't smell like something made from peas, which was a plus. The first bite of my lunch took me by surprise, as it had a familiar mouthfeel and texture of a beef patty. Looking at it after biting into it, it didn't "bleed" like a meat patty would, and from the colour the patty, I would have guessed it was cooked sous-vide style first, then grilled to make it more meat-like.

My next surprise was in the flavour. It tasted better than the veggie-dog, and didn't taste like something I knew was made out of plants. But it didn't taste like a juicy burger would either. It was good, but it didn't taste like meat, with the caramelized onions adding that umami flavour it lacked. The avocado didn't do anything other than made the burger messier to eat and would have been better if it was made into guacamole to give the burger more of a kick. Overall, I can see why people are excited about plant-based meat, and in retrospect, I should have ordered a salad as my side dish to complete my vegetarian experience. But in my humble opinion, they're still far from creating something that will satisfy my craving for meat; it was definitely not beyond this carnivore's wildest dreams.

2.5 out of 5 stars - Better than what I expected, but you won't forget you're not eating animal flesh.