Working My Way Through 'The Works': B.A.B Burger

The WORKS Glebe (580 Bank St.)
The B.A.B Burger ($15.96)

The B.A.B.

A common gimmick for food blogs is to eat and review every popular item on a restaurant's menu. This blog is no exception. Today I begin the task of eating my way through the burger menu of The Works, a Canadian burger restaurant with locations across Ottawa and Ontario.  I went to the location that's closest to my office. Hardly anyone was there when I arrived just after noon, looks like I arrived ahead of the lunch rush. The friendly server who greeted me told me to sit anywhere, so I chose a window seat. However, there wasn't much to see at this end of the Glebe - I wondered if it was as sleepy when this location housed a punk rock venue called Bumpers. With so many choices on the menu, I decided to start alphabetically with the B.A.B burger, a beef burger with Cheddar cheese, fresh tomato, red onion & W Sauce. The B.A.B stands for "Big American Bully" because previously, it had "a name that was kind of similar to another brand's, particularly one with a red-headed, makeup-wearing Stephen King-esque villain", and they had to change it, according to the person who runs their Facebook page. The W sauce is a trade secret, but I could tell there's garlic in it, so I'll assume it's an aioli-like sauce similar to the one the mayor of Flavortown puts on his food. 12:21PM, and still no food, but after a trip to the bathroom, I saw my lunch was waiting for me on my return; I was as happy as Uma Thurman was in "Pulp Fiction" after she returned to her table at Jack Rabbit Slim's (no, I did not powder my nose). The hamburger didn't look anything like that clown restaurant's signature burger, and it didn't taste like it either. The tomato was as flavourful as a fresh tomato can be in the winter, the red onions added their usual sweetness. The W sauce didn't improve or take away from the well-done patty it was on, but getting a small bowl on the side made for a good dipping sauce for the onion rings I ordered.  Overall, I was happy with what I ate, it didn't blow me away (for that, I'd have to order one of the more exotic creations on the menu), but it didn't leave me with that greasy, queasy feeling you can get from eating at Rotten Ronnie's. For that reason alone, we're off to a good start.

3 out of 5 stars - decent, but nothing to write home about.

DIY Kombucha

Back in December, I went to a workshop on how to make kombucha, a popular probiotic fermented sparkling tea. I recently made a batch, following the instructions I received that evening. If you want to try your hand, you can use the recipe I've posted below, once you acquire the essential symbiotic culture of yeast and bacteria (or scoby) by finding out when the next workshop is, contacting your favourite kombucha producer and asking for a scoby baby and some starter liquid, or ordering one online.

Ingredients:

4 black or green tea bags or 15 g loose leaf tea
1 scoby and some starter liquid
830 mL water
80 g sugar
chopped fruit, herbs and/or spices for flavouring (optional)

1. Boil the water, and pour it into a suitable mixing vessel like a larger Mason jar. Add the teabags and allow the mixture to steep for 4-6 minutes. 
2. Pour in the sugar to the warm tea, and stir until the sugar has dissolved. When the mixture has cooled, add the scoby and its starter liquid.
3. Cover the top of the jar with either a piece of cheesecloth or a paper towel, and secure the covering with a rubber band. Place the jar somewhere away from sunlight at room temperature for 7-14 days to allow the kombucha to ferment. Do a taste test on your batch after the seventh day to see if it's to your liking.
4. When you are happy with your results, you will notice a new layer of scoby has formed. Remove it and about 235 mL of kombucha, and place it in a separate container - you now have a scoby with some starter liquid to use for another batch. Pour the remaining kombucha into glass bottles and seal, leaving a bit of space at the top. If you want, you can add some chopped fruit and some herbs and spices for flavouring before you seal the bottles. Allow the kombucha to sit and self-carbonate at room temperature for 3-5 days, then store it in the fridge. Drink your kombucha within two months.

Superbowl Charcuterie

As the big game approaches, people are in the midsts of planning their menus for their Superbowl party. While chicken wings and chili are always crowd pleasers, this year you may want to spend less time in the kitchen and more time in front of the big screen TV. If this describes you, consider making a meat and cheese board, also known as a charcuterie (pronounced shahr-koo-tuh–ree) board. Easy to prepare, it contains a great mix of tastes that come together by following these steps:

• Before you buy the food, you'll need something to serve it on. It's customary to put the spread on either a wooden or marble cutting board, so if you don't have either of those, add one to your shopping list. It makes a world of difference in terms of presentation.
• When picking your meat and cheeses, aim to get three to four different kinds of each. Go for a variety of hard and soft cheeses, ranging from mellow to sharp in flavour.  Goat cheese, cheddar, gouda, Brie, and blue cheese are good suggestions. Cheese is best served at room temperature, so cut the cheese (HA!) at least one hour before serving. 
• When it comes to serving size, make sure the pieces are bite-sized - don't worry about making each piece the same size, no one is going to notice. As for the meats, include a similar variety of flavours and textures, such as prosciutto, chorizo sausage, and salumi; consider also adding some pâté to the mix. As with the cheeses, bite-sized portions are preferred. 
• Your guests should have at least one taste of each cheese and meat, so try for 150 to 200 grams of each option per guest.
• Supplement your charcuterie board with some bread and crackers. You don't want anything that outshines the flavours of the cheeses and meats, so go with a simple sliced French baguette and a box of Ritz; if there's a gluten-free option available, feel free to include it. Round everything out with some fresh fruit, and small bowls filled with salted nuts, dill pickles, olives, jellies, mustards, and dips.

With the food now out of the way, you can enjoy watching the Rams make up for their Superbowl XXXVI loss to the Patriots. That's what I'm hoping for anyways...

Commentary on the year that was 2018

2019 is about a two-weeks old, so let's look back at what was hot, hip, and happening in 2018 while it's still fresh in our memories.

Food recalls: It seemed like every week last year, we were getting a warning to not eating something. E-coli in the produce, salmonella in the meat; with reports of food costs to go up this year, we shouldn't have to throw out as much as we do.

The Keto Diet: I completely missed this trend, but a diet that was used primarily to treat refractory epilepsy in children was all the rage. To me, it looks like it involves eating lots of avocados, eggs, nuts, cheese, and salmon, but fans of the keto diet claim you can turn your body into a “fat burning machine" by making it go into ketosis — a physical state where the body is flooded with "ketones" after you deprived it of carbohydrates. Others claim it's just another bad fad diet that's hard to follow, has a high fat intake and could have unknown long-term side effects. I guess like everything, moderation is the key.

Anthony Bourdain Dies: I loved his shows, I loved his writing, I loved his attitude. If I had discovered "Kitchen Confidential" before starting college, my life might have gone in a whole different direction.

Ottawa restaurant closures and openings: Among the noticeable closures in 2018 were Dunn's on Elgin; Wong's Palace; Table 85, and Boko Bakery. Ironically, the restaurant that forced the beloved Mello's to close in 2015, Ace Mercado, has also closed its doors, with surprisingly little fanfare. But as the guy in Semisonic warbled in the nineties, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end with the Queen St. Fare, Ottawa's first food hall, opening in the old Hy’s Steakhouse, and acclaimed chef Briana Kim to open a new restaurant called Alice later this year. Both are on my ever-expanding list of local restaurants to visit.

Buck-a-Beer: Whether it's extending the hours of the LCBO, or considering letting corner stores sell beer, it seems all of millionaire Doug Ford's attempts to appeal to the common man involve getting people drunk. The premier's challenge to Ontario breweries to sell beer for a dollar (plus deposit) after the Ontario government lowered the minimum price by a quarter was a dud. No one wants to drink cheap beer (it tastes bad); no one wants to make cheap beer (you lose money doing so). It was a waste of time that had little to no payoff whatsoever. Hopefully, the Ontario government will handle marijuana edibles better when they become legal this year, I hear Doug has some experience in that area (allegedly).

The Big Mac Turns 50: Back in August U.S McDonald's franchises decided to celebrate the creation of placing two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun by giving customers a limited-edition collectable metal coin with the purchase of every Big Mac that could be redeemed for one free Big Mac until the end of the year. I would have thought there would have been more fanfare about this, not sure why Canadian Mickey D's didn't join in on the celebrating.

Starbucks Closes for ‘Racial Bias Training’: After an employee at a Starbucks called the cops on two black men for the crime of being black in a Starbucks, the company issued an official apology and eventually closed 8,000 of its U.S. shops for “racial bias training” on the afternoon of May 29. Canadian Starbucks followed suit on June 11 and closed all of their company-operated stores and offices for the afternoon as staff underwent similar training. I don't know how much this corporate lesson did to improve racial relations between staff and customers, but I do know that if you complained about not being able to get a cup of coffee that afternoon when they closed, you weren't looking that hard for coffee and you're a racist.

Ottawa Wine and Food Festival Bites The Dust: In a move no one saw coming despite the lack of online ticket sales, an ongoing legal battle, and a long line of people wanting the money they're owed, the popular Ottawa Wine and Food Festival was canceled eight days before its announced opening. Having been to the event when it was at the Ottawa Congress Centre, I didn't ever expect to use the word "clusterfuck" to describe the Ottawa Wine and Food Festival, but it's an appropriate word for everything involved with the event since the move to the EY Centre. There are plans to have another go this year, but I'm not holding my breath on it coming together - why can't Ottawa have nice things?

Mario Batali's Comeback: Despite having lost his job on “The Chew”, having his products pulled from store shelves, and being forced to step away from his restaurant business, Mario Batali still hoped he could salvage his reputation and career despite the numerous sexual misconduct accusations against him. But in spite of the charity work Batali is reportedly doing in Rwanda, and the news that he will not be charged for two alleged sexual assault cases against him, the public isn't ready to forgive the Louis CK of the cooking world. Me, I was done with him after I heard one of his restaurants had a rape room in it, fuck him and his asshole business partner from "MasterChef" Joe Bastianich.

Chef José Andrés Is Nominated for the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize: José Andrés is known for the three years he worked at elBulli, or for bringing the small plates dining concept to America in his restaurants. He is also known as the founder of World Central Kitchen, a non-profit devoted to providing meals in the wake of natural disasters. Because of his humanitarian efforts, he has been nominated for the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize. It's nice to know that not everything was horrible last year.

DIY Christmas Eggnog

With the exception of Quark's nephew on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", egg is my favourite type of nog. Popular during the winter holiday season, eggnog originated from an early medieval British drink called posset that was made with hot milk that was curdled with wine or ale and flavoured with spices. As the popularity of the drink spread, the spirits used in the drink changed depending on the availability, which is why rum and bourbon were included in recipes popular during the American Revolutionary War. While eggnog is readily available in the dairy section of your supermarket, for the days that's it's not in season, it's easy to make the drink yourself. However, take caution as it is a food that contains raw eggs (a health risk for people with weakened immune systems or who are pregnant) and alcohol (no need to overdo it with - don't drink and drive).

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all.



Ingredients:

6 large eggs
950 mL whole milk
60 g sugar
5 mL vanilla extract
dash of ground nutmeg 

1. Wash and check your egg for any cracks or blemishes - if it seems suspect, throw it away, and find a better egg. Crack the eggs into a medium saucepan. Beat with the sugar until the colour of the egg lightens.
2. Add half of the milk and cook over low heat while stirring constantly. When the mixture (now basically a simple custard) starts to thicken up a bit and is able to coat the back of a spoon, remove from the heat.
3. Allow the mixture to sit for about 5 minutes. The mixture should be around 71.1°C and the resting period will help give time to kill off a lot of the unwanted bacteria (but not all because of the relatively low heat and short waiting time, five minutes isn't long enough for the temperature to drop low enough for the bacteria to find the conditions favorable for reproduction).
4. Add the remaining milk to the mixture and stir in the vanilla extract and nutmeg. Chill in the refrigerator for at least four hours. Serve cold within 24 hours. 

Random Thoughts about the 'à la carte' Food Literacy Project

"À la carte" is a series of food literacy events the Ottawa Public Library hosts as part of an effort to increase awareness about the food we eat. Recent events featured a demonstration of the popular InstantPot multicooker, and how-to-make seminar about kombucha, a drink loved by health-conscious hipsters. I recently went to these presentations, here's how things went down.

Instant Pot

• As soon as I mentioned I was considering getting an InstantPot, people were jumping out of the woodwork raving about how much they love theirs; it's like the vibrator of kitchen appliances.
• I tried to sign up for a similar demo at the Main branch in the summer, but it filled up quickly. The one I went to the one held at the Orleans branch; it makes sense to have a live kitchen appliance demo in the suburbs.
• It wasn't a packed house, I'd say about 30 people in total. I was easily the youngest man in the room by 15 years; it was an audience of mostly older women. I couldn't help notice that I was also the only minority in the audience; are non-whites just not into Instant Pot cooking? 
• The live demo was hosted by Daniel Shumski, author of the book "How To InstantPot". Copies of the book were available for sale, with Shumski adding to his book's value by describing it as an InstantPot manual with better recipes.
• I may have been the only person in the audience that didn't already own an InstantPot.
• During the demo, he mentioned how his book teaches people to use their InstantPot more like the pressure cooker it is, and not as something you throw ingredients into, press a button on the front of it, and wait to start eating. Most of those cooking settings are just set to cook at high pressure for varies lengths of time.
• From the stories I heard from the audience, those old stove top pressure cookers sent a lot of peoples' dinner airborne.
• The Instant Pot isn't as "instant" as you'd think.  If you add the time the device builds up pressure on top of the cooking time for whatever you put in it, you're looking at anywhere from 15-30 minutes.
• I was hoping one of the uses for the Instant Pot would be as a pressure fryer, so I asked about as substituting oil for water and frying up a batch of chicken like Colonel Sanders did. I was told that would NOT be a good idea, and to use only small amounts of oil in the Instant Pot on the "sauté" setting as directed in the instructions.
• Shumski cooked some butternut squash from a recipe from his cookbook, but no one sampled it because no one brought any plates or utensils. For what it's worth, it looked and smelled pretty good.

Kombucha Workshop

• For those unaware, kombucha is a fermented, slightly alcoholic, lightly sweetened tea drink. Contrary to what I thought, it's something people have been drinking since 221 BC for centuries and not something that became popular this decade.
• This demo was held at the Rosemount library. Hintonburg has changed a lot since the days I used to tag along with my dad when he went for a haircut in the area, seems only the library and the Giant Tiger down the street are still around from back in the day. Gentrification, you got to love it.
• The owner/brewer at Culture Kombucha, Wentsi Yeung, was the host. While I wasn't the only minority in the audience of 15, I was the only man present.  Single men, take note - ladies love kombucha.
• Hearing that they used beets grown by the kids at a local Parkdale school was both commendable and adorable.
• Holding the workshop in the same room the book return slot empties into was a mistake, the presentation was interrupted every couple of minutes by the flap of the slot, and the thud of books falling in a bin.
• Looking at the ease Yeung mixed a quick batch of kombucha, I was looking forward to seeing how she would incorporate the scoby, it was a bit of a letdown to see it was as simple as dropping it into a Mason jar; I expected more from a symbiotic culture of yeast and bacteria.
• I'm guessing the probiotics, enzymes, and nutrients that kombucha is known for are lost in the cocktail recipes I saw in edible Ottawa, but I can see how kombucha would be a better mixer than soda.
• Biggest takeaway from the evening: if you think your batch of kombucha has mold, assume it is mold, and throw it away. Why take the chance...
• The DIY kit we received at the end of the demonstration is resting in my fridge while I gather up my ingredients. I'll let you know how that experiment turns out in a future entry - stay tuned. 

OVERALL IMPRESSION: If you want to get out of your house and learn about food from a source other than Netflix, check out what's being offered at the Ottawa Public Library. You'll be surprised at what's being offered, and if worse comes to worst, you might find something more to your liking on the bookshelves.

Chicken Tetrazzini - The Most Seductive of Pasta Dishes

Before he became famous for being a smartass college student on "Community", Joel McHale was sharpening his quick wit on "The Soup", a now-canceled show on the E! television channel that recapped the week's major popular culture and television moments in a sarcastic and satirical way. A segment about cheating couples from an episode of "Maury" appeared on the show featuring an irate woman who claimed that her boyfriend was "cheating on her because his mistress made good chicken tetrazzini".

The clip became so popular that it became a running gag on future "Soup" episodes, where any question that required food for an answer, Alycia would appear with her reply. I knew I had to try chicken tetrazzini if only for how certain this scorned woman was that it was the reason for her woes. Was it the way the chicken was seasoned?  Was it the pasta? Was it a secret ingredient? I assumed the "Maury" producers wouldn't have the exact version of the recipe capable of causing infidelity, so I tore one out of a magazine I had laying around. I haven't been looking to stray from my wife so I haven't made use of this pasta's alleged seductive qualities, but I have made this dish for her, and I'm still happily married, so who knows? As today is Joel McHale's birthday, I felt sharing this recipe would be an appropriate way to honour the man who made me aware of this dish's seductive existence. If you're looking for a new lunch or dinner option, this pasta dish is easy to make, and a great way to use up any leftover chicken in the fridge. Whether it causes problems in your love life is debatable, but just in case, "Maury" knows of a reliable paternity test.

Ingredients:

2 cans condensed low fat cream of chicken soup
310 mL milk
375 g roasted chicken, shredded
225 g fresh spinach, loosely packed
225 g hot cooked penne (or about 1/3 of 900 g package)
170 g mushrooms, sliced thin
50 g parmesan cheese, grated
25 g bread crumbs
25 g mozzarella, grated
5 g garlic powder
5 g onion powder
5 g Italian seasoning

1. Preheat oven to 190°C. Combine all ingredients except bread crumbs and mozzarella in a large bowl and mix well. Transfer to a 3 L casserole dish.
2. In another bowl, mix bread crumbs and mozzarella and sprinkle evenly over the mixture in the casserole dish. Transfer to the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until the casserole is bubbling and the topping is browned.
3. Let the casserole cool for 5 minutes before serving.