The Vulgar Chef vs. Thug Kitchen

Two popular cookbooks, "The Eat Like Shit Cookbook" from the Vulgar Chef (aka Kyle Marcoux), and the Thug Kitchen's "Eat Like You Give a F*ck" both share the same gimmick - edgy profanity.  Without the attitude and the curse words sprinkled throughout each publication, there is nothing that separates these publications from all the other cookbooks already out on the market. The Vulgar Chef uses the same Mornay cheese sauce that my favourite cookbook uses for macaroni and cheese; the basic vinaigrette recipe from the Thug Kitchen is no better than the one in everyone's favourite cookbook. Does that make the recipes in these books any less appealing? Not at all. "Eat Like You Give a F*ck" has a lot of great vegetarian foods inside and depending on how long you can tolerate the hardcore shtick, it would make a great source for those times a meatless dish is required. Meat lovers and food porn fans can't get enough of Marcoux's creations, as his food mashups are inspired. He was even featured on "FrankenFood". With that in mind, here are two recipes from each of these cookbooks that caught my eye, cleaned up for the easily offended.

Thug Kitchen's Carrot Cake Cookies

Ingredients

192 g flour (whole wheat pastry or white)
64 g packed light brown sugar
58.5 g chopped walnuts
58.5 g raisins or chopped candied ginger (optional)
5 g baking powder
2.5 g salt
2.5 g ground cinnamon
2.5 g ground ginger
2 medium-sized carrots, shredded
118 mL milk (regular, almond, nondairy, whatever)
59 mL olive or grapeseed oil

1. Preheat oven to 190 ℃. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. In a large bowl, mix the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and ground ginger until you no longer see lumps. In a separate bowl, mix the shredded carrots, milk, and oil. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ones and stir until there are only a few dry spots. Fold in the nuts and raisins (or chopped candied ginger) and stir until there aren't any dry spots.
3. Spoon the dough onto the baking sheet for about 18 to 22 minutes, until the bottoms are golden brown.

The Vulgar Chef's Drunk as Fuck Mussels with Smokey Ass Garlic Onion Butter

Ingredients

900 - 1360 g mussels, cleaned and debearded
64 g chopped red onion
60 g fresh chopped garlic
32 g corn kernels (can or off the cob)
32 g thinly sliced fresh or pickled jalapeño
32 g chopped fresh basil
237 mL bourbon or white wine
1 chopped medium-sized tomato
butter (half a stick)
olive oil
cooked and chopped bacon
crumbled blue cheese
salt and pepper to taste

1. Run the mussels under cold water, and rinse or scrub any debris on the shell. Yank the beard (the thin, sticky membranes hanging out of the shell) out. If you spot any gaping mussels, check for signs of life by picking them and squeezing them a few times or knocking them with another mussel. The mussel should slowly close itself back up. If it doesn't, toss it in the trash. Soak the remaining mussels in a bowl of cold water for 30 minutes.
2. Heat 14g of butter and 14 g of olive oil in a large pot at medium heat. Add the garlic, jalapeño, basil, onion and let cook for about 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Toss in the mussels and give everything a good stirring. Throw in the bourbon, tomato, and corn and cook until the mussels open up.
3. Melt the remaining butter. Once the mussels open up, throw in butter and give everything one final mix. Serve in a bowl, and top with the blue cheese and the bacon.

The Truth About Beer Can Chicken

The Victoria Day weekend is usually when the first big BBQ of the year happens. Along with hamburgers, hot dogs, planked salmon, and grilled vegetables, a popular food at these cookouts is beer can chicken. Perched on your favourite can of beer, and covered with an herb rub, the chicken is cooked on the grill, giving it a nice roast on the outside, with the inside bathed by the steam of the beer, keeping the meat moist. Or so we are told. Not only are there better ways to cook a chicken on the grill, the entire concept of beer can chicken is little more than a waste of beer. And nobody wants to do that on a long weekend.

To be fair, there is a reason people love the taste of beer can chicken, it does a lot of things right. The chicken is exposed to convection heat so it can crisp the skin on all sides, and because the legs aren't tied together, the dark meat can be exposed to more heat and finish a bit hotter than the thicker breasts. But the cooking method used leaves a lot to be desired. The can prevents the chicken from cooking on the inside. With a metal can shoved up its butt, warm air cannot enter the cavity of the chicken from below, and only a small amount can enter from above through the neck cavity. All the heat must enter the meat from the outside. Because meat doesn't heat evenly, it progresses inward from the part in contact with air, making the outer parts warmer than the inner parts. By the time the meat nearest the cavity hits 74°C, the outer layers are in the 82 to 88°C range. That may darken and crisp the skin a bit more, but it makes the outer layers drier.

And contrary to what the recipe being used says, the beer doesn't add moisture or flavour to the chicken. Because beer is about 90% flavorless water, and 5% flavorless alcohol, all the flavour compounds are at most 3.5% of the weight. In a 355 mL can of beer, that's about 1 teaspoon of stuff with flavour; even if you add herbs and spices to the beer, their flavour compounds don't dissolve in water. Finally, there are the safety factors. If you forget to open the can, it can explode; hot fat from the drip pan may burn you; the drip pan might catch on fire, burning the bird; removing the bird from the can is a pain, because the can usually sticks to the chicken during cooking; the ink on the outside of the beer can (and the widget in that can of Guinness) probably isn't food grade and may seep into your food. There's enough here to make you reconsider even lighting your grill, but if you're like me, you're still going to make and eat beer can chicken. Because you like cooking it this way, and you like how it tastes when you do so. Sometime in the future, I'll try grilling a butterflied chicken (removing the backbone, flattening it, cooking it skin up on the indirect side, and then flipping it skin down on the direct side for a few minutes), or adding a rotisserie attachment to my BBQ. Until then, here's the recipe I use for beer can chicken:

Ingredients

1 1.81 kg. whole fryer
1 355 mL can of beer
240 g butter
30 g. garlic salt
30 g. paprika
salt and pepper

1. Preheat your BBQ for low heat.
2. In a small pot on the stove, melt the butter. Add the garlic salt, the paprika, and salt and pepper, to taste. Mix together, and let simmer at low heat.
3. Open the beer and drink half of it. Check to see if the neck and giblets have been removed from the cavity of the chicken, remove them if you find them. Baste the chicken with the melted seasoned butter. Either pour the remaining butter in the beer can or save it for further basting as it cooks; the choice is yours.
4. Position the chicken in the way your beer can apparatus recommends you to; if push comes to shove, lower the chicken on to the open can, so that the chicken is sitting upright, with the can in its cavity, and place the chicken on the grill, using the legs and beer can as a tripod to support the chicken on the grill and keep it stable. Cover the grill and let the meat cook for about 45 minutes.
5. Check the chicken every 15 minutes or so, until a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh reads 74° C.
6. Let the chicken rest for 10 minutes. Carefully lift the chicken off of the can. If it gets stuck, lay the chicken on its side, and pull out the can with tongs.