Poke - the Hawaiian Fisherman's Friend

Cooking in a hot kitchen when it's hot outside sucks. Even worse is standing in front of a hot grill when it's hot and muggy out, and the air quality is poor. On days like this, consider making a poke (pronounced “po-keh,”) bowl, a popular Hawaiian dish made from diced raw fish that can be served as either an appetizer or a main course. Created by fishermen who took leftover pieces of raw tuna or octopus and mixed it with a marinade of Hawaiian sea salt, seaweed, and roasted local nuts (among other ingredients), poke differs from ceviche because it doesn't use citrus juice as a marinade; this prevents the proteins of the fish from rearranging or denaturing as if heat were applied to them. The popularity of poke has exploded over the years, influenced by Japanese and other Asian cuisines, as well as mainland additions such as sauces like soy, teriyaki, and sriracha, and fresh items like avocado, pineapple, cucumber, edamame, and green onions. Added to a base of cooked rice, this light refreshing meal is perfect whenever the mercury rises.

Ingredients:

454 g sushi or sashimi-grade fish, cut into bite-size pieces (salmon and tuna are good choices)

• Avoid using frozen fish (the cold affects the texture of the fish)

60 mL low-sodium soy sauce
10 mL rice vinegar
10 mL sesame oil
5 g freshly grated ginger
5 g toasted sesame seeds, plus more for garnish
2 green onions, thinly sliced, plus more for garnish
cooked room temperature white or brown rice
edamame
shredded carrots
sliced avocado, cucumber, radish
chopped macadamia nuts (optional)
crushed red pepper flakes (optional)

1. In a large bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame oil, ginger, some of the green onions and sesame seeds, and the red pepper flakes if you choose to use them.
2. Add the chopped fish and toss to coat it with the marinade. Refrigerate everything for at least 15 minutes or up to 1 hour.
3. Add the rice to the bottom of four bowls. Top with the marinated fish and any of the toppings. Garnish with the remaining green onions and sesame seeds before serving. Offer both Keypie mayonnaise or sriracha sauce as a topping.

Poke tastes best if it's eaten the same day it is prepared. Refrigerated and stored in sealed containers, poke can keep for up to 2 days. If it starts to look slimy, don't eat it.

Make Dessert And Save Energy: Chocolate chai energy balls

When the weather outside starts to heat up, people start turning on their air conditioners in an effort to cool down. This usually leads to brownouts or blackouts across the province.  In an effort to conserve energy, the Ontario government is offering incentives to people with smart thermostats who are willing to reduce their air conditioning and energy use during peak hours. Those who enroll will see the temperature in their house adjusted by two to four degrees up to 10 times between June and September for up to three hours during peak periods for electricity. For those without smart thermostats (or skeptical about letting a Doug Ford-led government control the temperature in their home), another way to keep cool in the summer is to make foods that don't require you to turn on the oven. Sarah Jade of Tastes by Jade suggests her no-bake chocolate chai energy bites as a tasty way to beat the heat. Even if you're not much of a baker, making these should be no sweat. 

Ingredients

240 g oat flour or almond flour
113 g runny honey
72 g coconut oil, melted
30 g almond butter
25 g unsweetened fine coconut
25 g cocoa powder
9 g chai spice blend (or 5.5 g cinnamon, 2 g ground cardamom, 1.5 g ground ginger)
1/2 tsp salt
Coconut flakes, crush pistachios or cocoa powder to coat balls

1. Melt the coconut oil in a pot and whisk in the honey.
2. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix well.
3. Form the mixture into balls and roll them in coconut flakes, crushed pistachios, or cocoa powder.

Treat Yo' Self on Yo' Birthday

This month marks the annual day my body has survived the Earth's rotation around the sun. I plan to celebrate this occasion by getting as much free food as possible. Using the world's most popular search engine, I checked how many places offer complimentary items on one's birthday or birthday month. Most places require you to sign up for an email list or download an app a couple of days before your birthday; start at least a month before the day you were born to get all that's coming to you. Below is a way to break down the offers available by type of meal - happy birthday to you.

AVOID AN UNNECESSARY HASSLE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: BRING ID WITH YOUR D.O.B

BREAKFAST

• Kettleman’s Bagel - Downloading their app and joining their rewards club get you a dozen free bagels of your choice.
• Le Moulin De Provence KD (Metcalfe & Queen) - Get a freshly-baked pastry after proving it really is your birthday. Please note this offer is not valid at the Byward Market store for some reason. 
• Perkins - Three pancakes, two eggs made to order, and two pieces of bacon are a great way to start your birthday.
  
  Coffee fans probably already know Bridgehead and Starbucks offer a free birthday beverage if you sign up for their respective rewards programs. If not, make the most of those points that have been gathering dust on your profile.

LUNCH/DINNER

• Blue Cactus - With the purchase of another main course of equal or greater value, you can get a free entrée on your birthday. If you go during the month of your birthday, you can get a free dessert.
• Harvey's - They may make your hamburger a beautiful thing, but on your birthday, the best they can offer is free Frings (half French fries, half onion rings).
• South St. Burger - As a member of the Birthday Club, you can treat yourself and a friend to a birthday burger with their ‘buy one, get one free’ coupon. The best part of this deal is that it's valid on your birthday and for 14 days afterward.
• Tucker's Marketplace: Guess who's back...back again...Two years after closing during the COVID-19 pandemic, the former Mother Tucker's is back with its customary free birthday meal.
• The Works: A free burger with the purchase of any burger of equal or lesser value and a side is available to you. As someone who has been working his way through their menu, I would be doing myself a disservice by not suggesting you take advantage of their offer.

DESSERT

If you have a sweet tooth, you've hit the motherlode on your birthday. The following locales will satisfy that craving by comping your dessert with the purchase of a meal:

• The Bad Alibi
• Big Rig
• Flapjack’s Canadian Diner - They offer a birthday cake milkshake which is exactly what it sounds like, a piece of birthday cake blended into a milkshake.
• Host India
• Lone Star Texas Grill
• Mamma Teresa Ristorante (300 Somerset Street West) - BONUS: A song is also served with your dessert.
• Marble Slab Creamery
• Mia’s Indian Cuisine
• Pelican Fishery & Grill Restaurant

Cowboy Up Your Steak

You can tell who takes their grilling seriously by whether or not they barbeque year-round. For some people, a little snow and ice aren't enough to keep them from cooking meat over an open flame. Even if you're one of those people who prefer not grilling in subzero temperatures, you will want to have some cowboy butter on your next steak. Adding butter to steak adds richness and can soften a steak's charred exterior, making the meat more tender. Cowboy butter is great for grilled meats, perfect for chicken and fish, and can be stirred into rice or cooked pasta, or spread on crusty French bread or cornbread. So rustle up yourself some, little dogie.

Ingredients

85 g butter, melted (grass-fed butter if possible)
21 g parsley, fresh chopped
21 g chopped chives, fresh chopped
15 g Dijon mustard
12 g minced thyme
1.5 g crushed red pepper flakes
1.5 g teaspoon paprika
4 cloves garlic, minced
juice and zest of half a lemon
salt
black pepper, freshly ground if possible
cayenne pepper

1. In a small bowl, combine the melted butter, lemon juice, garlic, mustard, paprika, and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Whisk the sauce to combine everything.
2. Stir in the parsley, chives, crushed red pepper flakes, lemon zest, and thyme, and season everything with salt and pepper. For a thicker butter sauce, add more mustard.

This recipe can also be made into a solid piece of cowboy butter by using a stick of softened butter instead of melting it:

1. Place the softened butter in the bowl of a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Whip the butter until it's fluffy. Add the remaining ingredients and mix everything until it's completely combined, scraping the sides as needed.
2. Lay out a long piece of plastic wrap and scoop the butter mixture in a long strip down the middle of it. Carefully pull one side of the plastic wrap over the butter, squeezing it gently to form it into a log. Continue to roll the log of butter into a roll. When it's all rolled up, twist the ends (like a piece of candy) until they become very taut (this means the butter is pressing together inside the plastic to form a cohesive roll). 
3. Place the roll of butter into either the fridge or the freezer so it will harden.

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Caesar Salad

Everyone and their dog believes the Caesar salad has something to do with Rome's most recognizable emperor Julius Caesar. This is not the case. You may be even more surprised to learn that the Caesar salad didn't even originate in Italy, ancient or otherwise. The most commonly accepted origin of the famous side salad claims it was named after an Italian chef named Caesar Cardini who threw it together out of necessity when his restaurant in Tijuana, Mexico was busy and he had to serve his customers something. Traditionally prepared and served tableside, the original recipe has spawned numerous variations from restaurant to restaurant as its popularity spread. On the Ides of March, consider paying tribute with the recipe below, with a shot of tequila for authenticity.

Ingredients

1 romaine lettuce
3 garlic cloves, crushed
4 thick slices of day-old bread
1 egg yolk (NOTE: There is a risk of infection by salmonella bacteria, as it can be found in eggs with cracked or improperly handled eggshells.)
Parmesan cheese
canned anchovies in oil
60 mL olive oil
15 mL lemon juice
5 mL Worcestershire sauce
7.5 g Dijon mustard
salt and pepper

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C.
2. Place two of the garlic cloves, the mustard, the Worcestershire sauce, eight of the anchovies, the egg yolk, the lemon juice, and a few shakes of salt and pepper in either a food processor or blender and blend for 30 seconds until the mixture starts foaming. With the machine still running, slowly drizzle in 40 mL of the olive oil until the mixture begins to thicken. Continue pouring the oil in a steady stream until it has all been added.
3. Pour the dressing into a bowl; if the dressing is too thick, add a bit of hot water to thin it out to the desired consistency. Grate 60 g of Parmesan cheese and mix it into the dressing. Season to taste with salt and pepper and put the dressing in the fridge until it's time to use it.
4. Cut the bread slices into small cubes, and then toss the bread with the remaining olive oil and garlic in a bowl. Spread the pieces out on a baking sheet in a single layer and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the croutons are browned and crisp. Once done, remove the baking sheet from the oven and let the croutons cool.
5. Separate the lettuce into individual leaves and wash them either in a salad spinner or by patting them dry with paper towels. Tear the lettuce into pieces and place them in a large bowl. Pour on the dressing and toss the salad well. Add the croutons, and some shaved Parmesan; adding some of the remaining anchovies chopped up is optional. Serve immediately.

An Open Letter To Kelly Egan

I'm not much of a writer, but I know bullshit when I read it.

Despite the fact you're now a former Ottawa Citizen city columnist, I stumbled across a recent column of yours. It was about how you bemoaned how complicated food has gotten and how you pine for simpler times at the grocery store.  I get that you have to write something to justify the bone thrown your way, but there's a reason why you retired from the daily grind of writing a newspaper column in the first place. Consider filling those hours with a basic cooking class.

I don't get how someone who is aware of "The Google" as you call it can't be bothered to look up terms they don't understand with "The Google". Having a fast and easy way to take the mystery out of unfamiliar terms in recipes is one of the best things about cooking today, not the hindrance you choose to make it for some reason. Why are you being wilfully ignorant for the sake of a column?  You had no idea the French had a huge influence on cooking over the centuries? I refuse to believe you are that clueless. You never heard of or seen kale until you typed out that article? Come on... 

You seriously are stunned that there are two different ways to cook food in water? It's not that hard of a concept to wrap your head around, but you seem gobsmacked that you can cut food into big and small pieces AND that there's a term for the size of the cut. And of course, you're the guy who buys kitchen appliances he has no intention of using just so he can complain about his lack of counter space. Food is as complicated as you make it and to go out of your way to make it more complicated is a choice. How can you be miffed at how convoluted food is and resent that 'servers in high-end “bistros” spend several minutes translating' what the items on the menu are - isn't that what you're asking for? Food isn't hard to decipher - you're just being deliberately dumb about it. 

We all romanticize the past in some way or another, but at no time when I was sent to the store for a loaf of bread back in the eighties did I go, "Gee Mom, I wish there was less in the store I could buy for a buck". Whining about all the bread styles available is the most first world of problems. If your wife really did send you to the grocery store for ciabatta bread, why didn't you ask for help instead of allegedly coming back with the wrong thing? Were you that intimidated by the employees' knowledge of bread loaves?  No surprise a palette as white-bread as yours is surprised that Wonder bread isn't the end-all, be-all of baked loaves.

Do us all a favour and leave the food writing to the food writers on the Citizen's staff, food bloggers who actually care about the food they're eating, or to dumbasses like me who can follow a recipe without going into a blind panic. Stick to those articles about the good people in our community, and the trials and tribulations of their lives. They truly are your bread and butter. 

Superbowl Eats: Philadelphia Eagles edition

Philadelphia is known for its rabid sports fans and its love of sandwiches. After pelting Santa Claus with snowballs after an Eagles loss in the sixties, you can guarantee a lot of cheesesteaks were consumed afterwards. According to legend, the famous sandwich was created in the early 1930s by Pat and Harry Olivieri. The two brothers owned a hot dog stand, and one day, they decided to make a sandwich made with chopped beef and grilled onions. After a cab driver saw the sandwich and asked for one, he suggested the Olivieris quit selling hot dogs and make sandwiches instead. As Philadelphians hope Jalen Hurts' arm and the Eagles' running game can lead the city to another Superbowl victory, celebrate with cheesesteak of your own. It may not be an authentic one from the City of Brotherly Love, but it will lessen your chances of getting assaulted by a Philly fanatic.

Ingredients

454 g ribeye steak
28 g butter
30 mL olive oil
8 slices mild provolone cheese or warmed Cheez Whiz
4 submarine sandwich rolls
1 large onion, diced
1 garlic clove, pressed
salt and black pepper, to taste
fresh thyme, chopped

1. Place the steak in the freezer for about 10 minutes until it gets very cold but not frozen solid. Trim off any large pieces of fat, then slice the steak as thin as possible with a sharp knife. Season the meat with salt and pepper.
2. In a small bowl, mix together the butter with the pressed garlic. Slice the sandwich rolls 3/4 of the way through with a serrated knife. Spread the garlic butter onto the cut sides of the buns. Toast the buns on either a large skillet, a flat cooktop or griddle on in the oven on medium heat until they are golden brown then set them aside.
3. Heat in a large skillet or griddle half of the olive oil. Add the onions and season with salt and pepper. Cook for about 12 to 15 minutes, stirring occasionally until the onions have softened and start to caramelize around the edges. Transfer the onions to a bowl once they're done.
4. Add the remaining oil to the skillet and increase the heat to high. Spread the thinly sliced steak in the skillet in an even layer. Let the meat brown for a couple of minutes undisturbed then flip and season with salt and  pepper. Sautee until steak is fully cooked through then stir in the caramelized onions.
5. Turn heat down to low on the steak, then add the provolone slices on top of the steak mixture (if that's the cheese you plan to use) and let the cheese melt. Stir to combine, once the cheese has melted.
6. Scoop the cheesesteak mixture into the toasted sandwich rolls. If you are using warm Cheez Whiz, drizzle the cheesesteaks with it. Sprinkle fresh thyme over top and serve warm.