A Trip to Flavortown

When it comes to Guy Fieri, you either love him to death or despise him on sight. The first time I ever heard of the future Mayor of Flavortown it wasn't even food-related, he was on the cover of a video game version of a game show called Minute to Win It. I later learned that Fieri was more than a game show host, as he owned several restaurants along with appearing on several cooking shows. Soon I was seeing Fieri's blonde spiked hair and flaming shirts everywhere. While the loud bro-tastic goofball persona he created for himself got him television ratings, it also turned Fieri into a bit of punchline in the cooking world, with a New York Times food critic famously savaging Fieri's now-closed restaurant in Times Square in a review. But Fieri took all the Smashmouth jokes in stride, and he has since been commended for his efforts to raise money for unemployed restaurant workers during the COVID-19 pandemic, and for feeding the firemen who put out the forest fires in California. In honour of his birthday, I thought it would be fitting to post a recipe for the condiment that will forever be linked to Fieri's name, Donkey Sauce. As Fieri has pointed out, Donkey Sauce is just an aioli; contrary to popular belief, an aioli is not fancy mayonnaise, as mayo is made with egg yolks and canola oil, while an aioli is made from garlic and olive oil. This sauce can be used on sandwiches, chicken, fish, vegetables, or as a dipping sauce, and can quickly be made for the next marathon of "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives". 

Ingredients

6 cloves garlic
115 g mayonnaise
22 mL lemon juice
15 mL Worcestershire sauce
2.5 g yellow mustard
salt
pepper

1. Take the cloves of unpeeled garlic and wrap them in foil. Place it into an oven at 190°C and roast for 30 minutes or until the garlic becomes soft. 
2. Carefully squeeze the softened garlic out, discarding the peels, into a food processor along with the mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, mustard, a pinch of salt, and lots of cracked pepper. Blend everything until everything is completely mixed together. 
3. Taste and adjust seasoning, if needed, then let it chill in your fridge to let all the flavours develop.

2020 - What the Hell Was That

Lockdowns, food shortages, food delivery going from luxury to necessity, restaurant closures, facemasks, outdoor dining - saying the past year was unlike any other is an understatement. In a year where COVID-19 dominated everyone's life, some things in the world of food may have escaped your attention. Now is as good a time as any to comment on those stories as part of the process of putting some closure to the year 2020.

The end of racist food marketing
Aunt Jemina, Uncle Ben, and the Land O Lakes woman all got their walking papers in 2020 after food companies decided that racism was no longer necessary to sell their products. Inspired (or shamed) by the Black Lives Matter protests of George Floyd’s death, PepsiCo decided to change the name and brand image of its Aunt Jemima pancake mix and syrup, and other food companies soon followed.  The usual suspects bemoaned these changes as cancel culture, which is ironic because whining that you can't enjoy your meals without seeing a racial stereotype on the packaging sounds like the snowflake behaviour they normally don't condone.

Sourdough
Back during the early days of the pandemic when being forced to stay in your home for long periods was still new and unfamiliar,  many people tried their hand at baking. With so much time on their hands, a lot of those bakers channeled their anxiety about not being able to find toilet paper into perfecting the sourdough starter needed for the popular bread. As one of the few food bloggers to have not made or eaten sourdough in 2020, I had no idea it took about seven days to make a starter, and then another two weeks for it to become active. It also explains why this trend died out as people adapted to pandemic living over the year. There's no waiting for three weeks for a loaf of good bread when you have Zoom meetings to attend in between troubleshooting your kid's online schooling issues.

Popeyes' Chicken Sandwich Launched In Canada
A year where restaurants were either temporarily shut down or closed outright for various COVID-related reasons may not be the ideal time to debut a new sandwich but the demand for the Popeyes fried chicken sandwich was just that high. With no reports of the chaos that happened in the United States when the sandwich debuted there, the launch went better than the current COVID vaccine rollout. When I finally got the chance to try the sandwich, I didn't have the religious experience I was promised in the commercials but instead had the pleasure of eating something that lived up to the hype surrounding it. It's a damn good fast-food sandwich, definitely give it a try if don't want to make your own. Popeyes' competitors have a lot of catching up to do.

Dangerous criminal portrayed as friendly sausage maker
Normally when someone drives a truck filled with weaponry through the front gate of Rideau Hall, they are described as a terrorist, or at the very least, a threat to the safety of the people around them. But in July 2020, the media chose to play up the sausage-making abilities of the person who did that very act. Described as a "good community member" known for his friendly demeanour and for the garlic sausage he made for his customers at his meat-producing business in northern Manitoba, the Royal Canadian Artillery veteran is currently facing 22 criminal charges, including uttering threats and possession of a weapon for a dangerous purpose. If found guilty, maybe he will be allowed to work in the prison mess hall so his culinary skills don't go to waste. I won't be crying any tears if they do.

Adamson BBQ
When the yahoos who make up FordNation turned on Premier Dad, it wasn't pretty. Owner Adam Skelly decided that the rules everyone else had to follow didn't apply to him, forcing police to arrest him after he continued to allow indoor dining on the premises of one of his restaurants. What makes this story even more absurd is that Skelly's restaurant never should have been allowed to operate in the first place, as this businessman never bothered to get a business licence for his business. Claiming he defied the law to challenge the government's Reopening Ontario Act, Skelly will have his day in court in March of this year. I'm sure being a cause célèbre and a poster boy for the anti-mask crowd won't help his cause, but Skelly seems to believe any publicity is good publicity. I believe hearing more about a restaurant owner's shenanigans than about his restaurant's food isn't a good sign, so I'll spend my money at some other BBQ joint the next time I'm in Hogtown. I don't know much about the Toronto barbeque scene but this was not a good introduction to it.  

Wu-Tang helps Ottawa Foodbank
It's always good to hear positive stories about hip-hop artists, as the media usually tends to focus on the who-got-shot, who-got-arrested, who-got-who pregnant type of stories; sex and drugs are only cool when it involves rock n roll and white guys playing the guitar. Reminding everybody that they ain't nothing to fuck with, the Wu-Tang Clan helped raise over $170,000 for the Ottawa Food Bank last April. It all started with Shopify COO Harley Finkelstein agreeing to donate $1 to the Ottawa Food Bank for every retweet of one of his tweets, up to $10,000. Adam Miron, an Ottawa entrepreneur and the co-founder and director of HEXO put in for $10K as well and asked others to spread the word on Twitter. One of those others was the American rap group, or at least whoever runs their Twitter account.  They spread the word and sent a donation as well, and soon enough money was raised to provide one week of meals for 24,300 people. The collaboration with the Wu and the Ottawa Food Bank led to the "A Better Tomorrow" campaign in May that raised money for the Ottawa Food Bank, the Ottawa Mission, and CHEO. I probably have as many black T-shirts as George Stroumboulopoulos, so I passed on getting the sold-out OttaWu tee, but I did get a chuckle seeing Mayor Watson wearing one. Even though cash rules everything around him, Jim doesn't look like much of a Wu-Tang fan.

What does 2021 have in store for us? Stay tuned...

The Need To Know Classic That Is: Cacio e Pepe

When people go to Italy, the dish that usually gets the most raves is one of the easiest dishes there is to make. Cacio e pepe, literally cheese and pepper, has been pleasing people since the days of ancient Rome. To get them through a hard day's work, shepherds would bring dried pasta, some hard, salty sheep's milk cheese, and black pepper with them in order to make a filling meal. While not traditional to cacio e pepe, bacon or seafood may be added, and other shapes of pasta may be used. However you serve it, it's simple but sophisticated comfort food at its best. Consider this the dish you deserve for surviving this year of the pandemic in the year Two Thousand and Twenty.  

Ingredients

450 g pasta (spaghetti, tonnarelli traditionally)
225 g pecorino Romano, very finely grated
7 g pepper (coarsely ground)
salt
extra-virgin olive oil

1. Bring a large pot of generously salted water to boil. When the water is at a hard boil, add the pasta, then turn off the heat. Place a lid on the pot and remove it from the burner - in 15 minutes you should have perfect al dente pasta. Save at least two cups of the pasta water after draining the pasta.
2. While the pasta is cooking, heat a large pan over medium heat with enough olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan. When the oil starts to shimmer, add the pepper, and let it cook for about 20 seconds. Pour 175 mL into the pan and let it boil.
3. Add the drained pasta to the hot pan. Using tongs, toss the pasta to coat it in the peppery liquid, then sprinkle in about 80% of the cheese. Keep tossing the pasta, adding more pasta water as needed to make a creamy sauce that sticks to the pasta, tasting and adding salt as needed.
4. Once done, finish with the remaining cheese and more pepper. Serve immediately.

Bake Yourself Happy - Skuish Cookies

Cookie connaisseurs rejoice - Skuish will change how you think about baking cookies. This Ottawa-Toronto based company sells and delivers (free of charge) raw and frozen cookies. The cookies last up to three months in the freezer and can be baked straight from frozen, allowing you to quickly whip up a batch of cookies better than the ones that come from that chemically enhanced doughboy. 

Skuish cookies don't use eggs, butter, or milk in their cookie dough, which is good news for those allergic to those ingredients, and they have plant-based cookie options as well for vegan and vegetarian tastes. The chocolates used in their signature flavours contain milk, while the plant-based cookie options use chocolate without milk.  Because of their desire to make a positive impact in the communities they sell in, Skuish plans to do their part to end child hunger in Canada by donating five meals for every box sold, so no need to feel guilty for not baking from scratch. 

When the sample I was graciously sent arrived this week, I didn't expect billiard ball-sized cookie dough balls when I opened the box. Weighing in at about a quarter-pound each, I took one from each bag sent, their Classic Chocolate Chunk, White Chocolate Birthday Cake, and Resse Peanut Butter Crumble flavours.  Then it just a matter of following the instructions on the box, and soon I had three giant cookies fresh from the oven. You may have to adjust how long you keep your baked goods in the oven depending on whether you prefer your cookies soft and gooey, or crisp and crunchy, but it will be worth the wait. My favourite was the Resse Peanut Butter Crumble, which I devoured during a coffee break. If you need a last-minute gift idea for that special cookie monster in your life, or if you want to really impress Santa this year, you can't go wrong with Skuish cookies. Just be sure you have something at the ready to dunk them in.

Skuish cookies can be found on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Tiktok

Pemmican - The Original Energy Bar

Dan Levy made news recently when he encouraged others to take the free Indigenous peoples course at the University of Alberta that he was enrolling in to improve his knowledge of Indigenous histories and issues in Canada. I must confess, my knowledge of this country's Native people has been lacking since high school history classes. One of the things I do remember is that one of the many things Canada's Indigenous people made from buffalo (they use every part of the animal don't-you-know) is pemmican.  From the Cree word pimikan, meaning fat or grease, pemmican is dried bison meat pounded into a coarse powder and mixed with an equal amount of melted fat, and occasionally berries. High in protein, and easy to carry, it would last for months or even years if made properly. It was the perfect food to carry during the hunting season, and soon fur traders were using it to supplement their food supplies as well. Pemmican is still made in Aboriginal communities to this day, and you can be made at home with the recipe below. It's perfect for when you tire of the taste of your regular energy bars, and you feel like making something healthy and natural.

Ingredients

910 g lean raw meat (beef; bison, venison, caribou, or moose meat, if available)

45 g berries (blueberries, cranberries, Saskatoon berries - feel free to experiment with different berries)
25 g non-hydrogenated lard
sugar (optional)

1. Assuming you don't have a food dehydrator (who does?), you will have to dry out the berries and the meat in the oven. Break the skin of the berries by either slicing or poking them to allow their juice to evaporate, then place the fruit on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet and put it in an oven pre-set to 77 degrees C. The berries will be done when they’re completely dry with no juice left in them, so keep an eye on them,  and remove them from the oven when they are done.
2. Chill the meat you plan to use in the freezer for an hour, then cut it into strips, going against the grain. Place the strips on another baking sheet lined with parchment paper, then place it in the oven already set at a low temperature. It may take up to 12 hours for the meat to fully dry depending on how thick it is, so plan accordingly. You'll know the meat is ready when it’s dry but still pliable.
   
   NOTE: Don't substitute beef jerky to save time, as it will taste awful and it defeats the purpose of making pemmican - the Indigenous did not have access to nitrates.
   
   
3. Once the meat is ready, grind it into a powder with a food processor or, for a more authentic feel, a mortar, and pestle. Repeat with the berries and combine the powders in a bowl. Melt the lard, then add it to the bowl and mix until it’s sticky enough to be formed into shapes. If the mixture is still too powdery, add another 10 g of melted lard. Sweeten to taste with 10 g sugar if desired. Shape the pemmican into patties and let them dry before eating.

Better Bacon

We all know that the love people have for bacon borders on obsession. But what is the best way to prepare the salt-cured pork belly everyone craves? Inspired by a feature on Cooking for Engineers, I tested several different cooking methods and compared the results. As it was on sale at the time, I used Schneiders Classic Cut brand bacon for the tests. Each piece of bacon was rated out of five, with five being excellent, and a score of one being inedible. Assisting me with the tasting part of the experiment were the other bacon eaters in the house, my wife Dawn Xanklin, and our son, a fourth-grade bacon connoisseur.

Baked on Aluminum Foil
I placed enough aluminium foil to line a baking sheet, then I put the bacon on top, and baked it at 205°C until it was done to my liking, flipping the bacon occasionally.


Cooking Time: 17 minutes + 17 minutes for oven to reach temperature = 34 minutes
Scores: Franklin on Food: 5 DXanklin: 4 Kid Franklin: 5

Cast Iron Skillet
For this I placed the bacon in a cold cast iron skillet and cooked it at medium heat, flipping the bacon occasionally until it looked good enough to eat.


Cooking Time: 11 minutes
Scores: Franklin on Food: 4 DXanklin: 4 Kid Franklin: 4

Grilled
I put the three strips on some aluminium foil and placed it over two burners on a BBQ at high setting.


Cooking Time: 17 minutes
Scores: Franklin on Food: 4 DXanklin: 5 Kid Franklin: 5

Instant Pot
The bacon was made to fit in a single layer in the Instant Pot cooking chamber. Then I hit the Saute button and cooked everything for three minutes intervals, flipping the bacon before hitting the button again.



Cooking Time: 9 minutes
Scores: Franklin on Food: 3.5 DXanklin: 4 Kid Franklin: 5

Microwave
I took three slices of bacon and placed them on three paper towels on a dinner plate, which I then I put into my microwave oven.


Cooking Time: 3 minutes on high, then cooked 30 seconds until it was done to my liking = 4.5 minutes
Scores: Franklin on Food: 3 DXanklin: 3 Kid Franklin: 5

Water in Skillet
After arranging the bacon in a cold metal frying pan, I added just enough water to cover everything. I then cooked it over high heat until the water boiled, lowered the heat to medium until the water evaporated, and then continued cooking the bacon over medium-low heat until it was ready.

Scores: Franklin on Food: 5 DXanklin: 5 Kid Franklin: 5
Cooking Time: 14 minutes

Notes and Observations:
The overall favourite was the one I was the most skeptical about, the water in the skillet method. It's the method the food scientists over at America's Test Kitchen recommend, as they theorize that the water keeps the cooking temperature low and gentle, allowing the bacon to retain its moisture and stay tender. This gave the bacon a nice ratio of crispiness and chewiness. While it does let the bacon cook in its own fat, the oven is not the most efficient way to cook a small amount of bacon, and it takes the longest of the methods tried. It's much better for larger amounts. Instant Pot bacon isn't an option if you don't have the all-in-one wonder device and barbeque grilled bacon may not be an option if you don't have the equipment or the desire to cook outside. It doesn't get more old school than cooking bacon in a cast oven pan, and while you can't beat the speed of a microwave, it did produce the least liked bacon of the tests. To see which way works best for your bacon needs, you will have to try each method on your own. If you do decide to try this experiment, please note that cooking this much bacon at one time will make the area around your kitchen smell amazing.

Carpe Diem Eating: The Travis Scott Meal

During a recent visit to the drive-through at McDonald's, I asked my son if he wanted his usual order of a cheeseburger, medium fries, and a medium cola. Instead, he asked for a Travis Scott meal. I assumed he meant that he wanted to hear Travis Scott on the radio, and ordered what he usually eats. While he did eat his lunch, my son was annoyed that it wasn't what he asked for and bemoaned that his father wasn't as knowledgeable and cool as his 9-year-old self. I knew that the restaurant still associated with a clown as its mascot, rebranding be damned, didn't name their sandwiches after people like a New York deli would. Until that moment, I only knew Travis Scott as the rapper who lip-synced his hit "Sicko Mode" during an awful Superbowl halftime show. But Kylie Jenner's baby daddy is also a big deal in the fast-food world. Last month, Scott teamed with McDonald's to market the way he levels up his order of the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and the Cactus Jack meal was born for a limited time offer. What does this combo have to do with Mick Foley's hardcore wrestling persona? Who the hell knows, but it apparently led to some McDonald's locations running out of ingredients for this meal. This promotion somehow slipped under my radar, but it's still possible to have this celebrity-endorsed meal if you want to appear with it even when it sounds strange and weird. Who knows, maybe it can be a secret menu item if enough people ask for it.

THE TRAVIS SCOTT / CACTUS JACK MEAL

• Order a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and ask for it to be topped with bacon and lettuce (I forgot that you can add toppings to hamburgers now).
• Ask for BBQ sauce for your French fries instead of ketchup (Travis likes the tanginess).
• To properly wash down a meal of this magnitude, order a Sprite with extra ice. 
• Bonus cool points if you substitute the Sprite for "Blueberry Faygo", the title of Scott contemporary Lil Mosey's biggest hit. As you can't get Faygo of any flavour at McDonald's, head to the nearest Dollar King in your area for a bottle.