Foods That Unsettle Conservatives

To say the announcement of Kamala Harris as Joe Biden's choice for vice president caused a stir across the border is an understatement. Her biggest critics responded in predictable ways, with FOXNews saying she was both too radical and not radical enough, and the Orange Goblin reviving the birther nonsense that didn't work against Obama. But I don't think anyone predicted the current vice president's take on his potential successor. Speaking at an event called “Farmers & Ranchers For Trump” Mike Pence vowed to make America great again by protecting America’s red meat from the Democrats. After learning Harris was in favour of "changing dietary guidelines and would encourage moderation to promote healthy eating, revise the food pyramid, and protect the environment", Pence responded with this:

"Well I've got some red meat for you - we're not going to let Joe Biden and Kamala Harris cut America's meat!"

You got to hand it to Pence's speechwriter, you have to know your audience if you want to reach them, and telling a room full of beef producers their livelihood will be threatened if Trump isn't reelected is like throwing chum in shark-infested waters. I can also see how the threat of losing access to well-done steaks with ketchup would shake the MAGA crowd to their no-soy-or-tofu-eating core. Anyone else should know that any changes to the USDA food guide aren't mandated by law, they're just healthy suggestions. If you want to stuff every orifice in your body with meat, that's your God-given right as an American or a Canadian. This isn't the first time a politician has used the food we eat to stoke fear and discontent into people, and with the threat of an election in this country looming, I'm sure it won't be the last. So if "owning the conservatives" is a thing for you (or if you're looking for some new ways to eat better), here are some recipes that are red meat-free that are sure to drive Pence crazier than his hydroxychloroquine-hyping boss. Packed full of nutrients and flavour, these recipes are from the Wired food issue from August 2016 back when Pence was starting his own vice-presidential aspirations.

Remember to buy local produce whenever possible.

THE BEAUTIFIER

1. Chop one head of broccoli into florets. Toss with grapeseed or safflower oil, some diced shallot, fresh lime juice, sambal (an Indonesian chili sauce or paste), a bit of fish sauce; season with salt and pepper
2. Layer on the bottom of a medium-sized bowl and top with Swiss chard sautéed in garlic and avocado halves
3. Top with chopped toasted peanuts and hazelnuts served with more lime on the side

The greens, nuts, and oils in this bowl are great sources of vitamin E, which helps the growth of your hair and nails, and has shown to lower incidences of cardiovascular diseases, cancer, and dementia.

THE HEART HELPER

1. Pile steamed brown rice into a medium-sized bowl and top with sautéed Swiss chard or spinach, boiled mini potatoes, sliced avocado and tomatoes, and lima beans
2. Whisk finely chopped shallots, fresh lemon juice, and olive oil together and season with salt and pepper, and drizzle it over the bowl
3. Top with seared mackerel fillet and some chopped pistachios, sunflower seeds, and parsley sprinkled over everything

Potassium and magnesium-rich, this bowl helps reduce high blood pressure, a leading cause of heart attacks, heart failure, kidney disease, and stroke.

VISION OF HEALTH

1. Toss chopped sweet potato, carrots and/or butternut squash with olive oil, salt and pepper, and roast at 205°C until golden-brown
2. Wilt some spinach in a large skillet and chop, then stir it into some cooked quinoa, along with some olive oil, fresh lemon juice, chopped parsley, scallion, and salt and pepper
3. Arrange the quinoa mixture in a medium-sized bowl and top with the roasted vegetables, a fried egg, and some chili flakes

The vitamin A in the ingredients in this bowl is key for eye and immune health. The quinoa supplies vitamin B and iron, as well as being protein-rich and gluten-free.

THE BONE BUILDER

1. Mix some finely grated garlic into full-fat Greek yogurt, season with salt and pepper, then smear it onto the side of a medium-sized bowl and sprinkle with Aleppo pepper (also known as Halaby pepper) and orange zest
2. Add wilted kale to the bowl, and top with a piece of seared rainbow trout, with the juice of half an orange squeezed over everything
3. Top with flaky sea salt and a fresh egg yolk

The calcium in the kale pairs well with the vitamin D in the yogurt, egg yolk, and the trout.

THE BLOOD BOOSTER

1. Pile warm buckwheat soba into a medium-sized bowl and top with steamed Chinese (or regular) broccoli, bok choy, baby shrimp, cooked edamame, and some spoonfuls of silken tofu
2. Pour hot dashi broth over everything, then drizzle with some soy sauce and toasted sesame oil
3. Squeeze lots of lime over everything and top with chopped toasted cashews and cilantro

Broccoli and bok choy are packed with vitamin C, which helps the body absorb the iron from the tofu, edamame, and shrimp. A good balance improves oxygen transport and blood health.

NO-FAIL KALE

1. Finely chop some kale or any green leafy vegetable you have on hand (Swiss chard, spinach, collards, parsley will work) and mix with finely grated garlic, lemon zest, and lots and lots of olive oil
2. Season with salt and pepper and toss with zucchini noodles
3. Serve in a medium-sized bowl with watercress, chopped toasted pistachios, a squeeze of lemon, and plenty of shaved Parmesan on top 

The vitamin K from the greens and the cheese are essential for bone remodelling and blood clotting when you get cut.