Comfort Food in Uncomforting Times - My Take on the KFC Double Down

On November 8, the United States decided love does not trump hate and elected an orange goblin to be its next president. In surprising numbers, people decided Hillary Clinton's pantsuits and poor e-mail usage were a worse offense than being Donald Trump, a failed businessman, reality show host, and admitted sexual predator who said he could solve all of America's problems with racism and bullshit. I didn't watch last Tuesday's results unfold on television because the coverage of election over the last 18 months had worn me out. Waking up the next morning and seeing just how badly Americans wanted a white man in charge again didn't surprise me as much as I thought it would (never underestimate the stupidity of the American public goes the old adage), it just left me depressed and deflated. Longing for the days when a Trump presidency was just a joke on "The Simpsons", it's times like this when comfort food really hits the spot. No matter what side of the political spectrum you're on, fried chicken, bacon, and cheese is a pleaser. As America doubles down on its race to the bottom, it seems right to make my own version of KFC's seasonal treat (for those who forgot, the Double Down is bacon, slices of Monterey Jack and pepper Jack cheese, and a spicy "secret" sauce in between two fried chicken fillets). I know I can't eat my worries away, but it's going to be a long four years, might as well eat something tasty. Enjoy this recipe, and may God have mercy on our souls.

Ingredients (makes 2 sandwiches)

4 boneless chicken breasts
4 strips of bacon
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
375 mL buttermilk (Or use this substitute, 375 mL milk minus 15 mL plus 15 mL lemon juice or vinegar.)
your favourite hot sauce
salt

250 g flour
60 g paprika
45 g white pepper
30 g garlic salt
15 g celery salt
15 g black pepper
15 g dried mustard
15 g ground ginger
10 g salt
7 g tablespoon thyme
7 g tablespoon basil
5 g tablespoon oregano

Note: The spices above are allegedly the ones uses in Colonel Sanders' original chicken recipe.

1. Place the chicken breasts between two sheets of plastic wrap and pound them with the flat side of a meat tenderizer until they are roughly the same thickness. Place the chicken in a bowl, give them a generous sprinkling of salt, and cover them with the buttermilk for at least an hour, four hours max.
2. Cook the bacon however you see fit. When I have the time, I like to bake bacon in the oven at about 205 °C for about 10 to 20 minutes, until it is crispy. Set the bacon aside when done.
3. Combine the flour and the spices in a bowl. Take a chicken breast and covered it with the flour mixture, then cover it in the egg mixture, and back again in the flour mixture for another coating. Set the pieces aside when done.
4. Whether you pan fry or have a deep fryer, get your oil to 182 °C in order to get the internal chicken temperature to an optical 72 °C. Place two chicken breasts in the oil, and fry them for about eight minutes.
   
   Note: If you have access to a pressure cooker, use that for frying your chicken to be even more like the Colonel; wearing a white suit is optional.
   
   
5. Using the breasts like bread, assemble the cheese, the bacon, and the hot sauce into a sandwich.